


Tied Together with a Smile

by Jeep_Girl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loss, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Lena Luthor, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27466699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeep_Girl/pseuds/Jeep_Girl
Summary: Prologue: After Lex tried to turn the sun red, Lena went into witness protection, completely cutting ties with the Luthor Family and their fortune. She had to change her identity and relocate to an unknown location, changing her career and uprooting her entire life after testifying against her brother. As a result, she never moves to National City and never meets Kara Danvers/Supergirl. This story picks up eleven years after Kara Danvers first reveals herself as Supergirl…AKA... an AU in which Kara Danvers never met Lena Luthor...
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/William Dey
Comments: 258
Kudos: 454





	1. Chapter 1

Kara Danvers drudges through the front door of her loft apartment, sighing as she shuts the door, not even bothering to lock it at this point in her life. She looks around the dark living area as she kicks her shoes off, ultimately deciding that tonight’s sleepless activity will be painting. She heads over to the easel, conjuring up images of her lost home, and begins to paint. This is clearly a more hardened Kara than most are accustomed to seeing, especially from her early days as Kara Danvers – Cat Grant’s Assistant and eventual Reporter. Or even as Supergirl. Her eyes, while still blue, appear dimmer, like they have lost the brightness they once held. This Kara Danvers, while surviving, has perhaps, seemed to have lost hope.

It’s well past midnight before she stops for her dinner break. She uses superpowers to heat up some leftovers from the refrigerator while she finally checks her phone, which has been on _Do Not Disturb_ all evening. Unsurprising, Kara sees several texts from her sister and Nia.

_Alex (6:05pm): You off work yet? Want to join us for dinner?_

_Alex (7:10pm): I’m guessing you are either still at work or don’t want to be disturbed tonight. Come visit us this weekend?_

_Alex (9:08pm): Kara, come on, surely you have looked at your phone by now…_

_Alex (9:50pm): Sister, if you make me have leave my family and come over there…_

_Alex (11:09pm): Ok so your niece and nephew DID NOT want to sleep tonight. They apparently saved you from having an angry sister at your door…_

_Alex (11:16pm): Call me tomorrow, please? You know I just worry about you._

_Nia (6:39pm): Hey boss – Three articles are sitting in your email._

_Nia (7:10pm): Hey S – Taking new recruits out tonight for some training, want to join us? I’m sure they’d love to have the original hero make an appearance. No pressure though._

_Nia (9:07pm): They did well tonight… Only a few minor kinks to work out… sort of._

_Nia (9:10pm): I miss you. I know you are technically retired except for extreme emergencies, but maybe we could do something together sometime, like the good old days?_

_Nia (11:36pm): Sorry if that’s asking for too much Kara. I’ll see you at work tomorrow. <3_

Kara takes a long, deep breath in, letting it out slowly as she reads through the text messages. Reflecting on how she feels, Kara feels tired, more than that, she feels exhausted. She knows she needs to respond though or risk the wrath of her sister and the pity of Nia.

_Kara (1:05am): Hey Sis, sorry for the nonresponsiveness. I was painting and lost track of time. I’ll come visit the family this weekend. Saturday ok?_

_Kara (1:07am): Hey Nia, sorry, I was painting and didn’t see your messages. No worries. See you tomorrow (or later today I suppose)._

Kara knows these texts won’t keep Alex nor Nia from worrying about her. But she can’t seem to make herself care all that much. She knows both are busy living their lives and she is very happy for them both. But after everything that has happened… Kara feels stuck. And Kara is a Kryptonian living under a yellow sun. They can’t begin to understand what that means. She doesn’t know how to explain it to them. So, she just doesn’t even try. Instead, Kara drags her feet to the couch and lays down, not even bothering to go the extra 20 feet to her bed that night.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Kara awakens with the sunrise, as usual. But this morning turns out to be anything but typical. Shortly after arriving at Catco, news floods in about how a hurricane took a sudden turn in the Gulf of Mexico and was now hammering the southern United States. The sudden change in the storm left many people unprepared for the heavy rains and crazy winds that the storm brought deep in land. As Kara is first hearing the news, she also hears her phone ping and she immediately knows who it is. One glance confirms it.

_Clark: You coming?_

Kara doesn’t bother responding to the message. She simply leaves for the day. Kara is sure Nia will see the news of the Supers helping out on the coast during the hurricane and be able to continue taking care of National City and any big news at Catco in her absence.

Kara arrives shortly after Clark and they spend most of the day rescuing people and animals from the areas with the most flooding. They try to coordinate with first responders when possible, but with the chaos of the unsuspecting storm, this wasn’t always possible in every town or area they went. Eventually, Kara and Clark decide it best to split up given how massive the storm is and how much ground they had to cover. Clark takes the western half of the storm while Kara heads east.

It’s several hours later, towards the outer rim of the storm, that Kara thinks maybe she is finally done with her rescue mission, that she sees a remarkable site. Kara floats in the air, staring for quite some time, trying to process exactly what it is that she is looking at. Kara sees a house, somewhat isolated from others, secluded in the woods, but clearly not flooded like the others in the area. Kara can’t, for the life of her, figure out why though.

She apparently stays there, in the air, for much longer than she realizes, because the next thing she knows, she hears a voice.

“Shit.”

One word, that’s all she hears. It sounded female. It didn’t sound panicked, per se, more like… surprised and inconvenienced.

This peaks Kara’s curiosity. She lowers herself, not quite to the flooded ground, but just above the running water. She follows the road that leads up to the secluded house, eyeing it cautiously. She gets to the privacy fence that is around the entire property. There is an intercom. Kara looks at the intercom, debating whether she should just fly over the fence for a moment and go straight to the door.

Her superhearing hasn’t picked up on any more talking since that single word. She settles on pushing the green button on the intercom.

No one answers.

Kara is persistent though when she is curious. She holds down the button to talk. “Hello? Sorry to bother you. This is K… Supergirl. I thought I heard someone in this house, and I wanted to make sure you were safe from the hurricane.”

Kara waits 10 seconds. No response.

She presses the button again. “I could see from the sky you clearly have some kind of levy system set up or something that funnels the water around the property. But please let me know before I move on.”

Kara waits another 10 seconds… and a few more. She sighs before turning to leave.

Just as she starts to float up, a voice breaks the silent intercom. “Thank you for your concern Supergirl. I have everything under control here.”

It was definitely the same voice she had heard before. She floats the few feet back to the intercom. “That’s great news. I’ll be staying in the area until the storm clears up. So, if you did need any help, just yell.”

“Seriously?”

The question shocks Kara. After over a decade of being a Superhero, she isn’t used to anyone being surprised at her offering to help. Kara stutters a moment before responding “Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”

The voice doesn’t immediately respond. Kara thinks that perhaps the conversation is over. But then she hears the unknown female state point blank to her “But from what I have seen, you haven’t really been around the past couple of years.”

Kara huffs, literally huffs at this accusation. She is reacting before she even realizes what she is doing, flying over the fence, and going straight to the door and knocking. Of course, the front door, also has an intercom on it, though this one has a screen on it.

No one comes to the door, though the video screen comes to life. Kara can now kind of put a face to the voice. The woman is wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, but Kara can see she has darker hair pulled back in a ponytail with a formidable jawline.

“Supergirl?” She asks, smirking, trying to hide her shock at how forward Supergirl is being.

Kara is slightly taken aback by the woman. Though she can’t see her entire face due to the darkened sunglasses and her hat, she is clearly strikingly beautiful. But then the accusation she flung at Kara moment’s ago rings in her head again, and Kara remembers why she came to the door in the first place. “I just want to know who you think you are, accusing me of not being around.” Kara tries to maintain her anger from moments before, but she finds it is quickly fading now. She knows this woman, whoever she is, is right.

“I’m a scientist and I collect data, Supergirl. I also watch the news. And the news has clearly shown a lack of Supergirl sighting, they have been particularly low for a while now, with you only showing up for dire emergencies like this.” Kara takes note the woman doesn’t offer her a name, only information.

“Yeah… well… life happens…” is all Kara can manage to get out in a ramble, her shoulders sinking slightly, realizing that she couldn’t even begin to explain things to this stranger.

“I get that.” The mysterious woman says, very seriously and solemnly. This deflates Kara even further, realizing that she might have been a tiny bit defensive with this woman.

Kara sighs, dropping her head and looking at the ground. “Look, ma’am, I am sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude on your property or your time. I overreacted. Yes, I have had a rough time and decided to take some time off from smaller Superhero type things. I do still show up and help with the bigger problems and disasters, like this. So yes, I will be around the area for the next day or two while the storm is still here. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask for help.”

“I’m sorry too, Supergirl.”

Kara raises her head back up, a look of surprise on her face. “For what?” she asks.

The woman doesn’t answer right away, she seems to be searching for the right words. After a moment, she attempts to explain. “I’m sorry for judging you and assuming I know you when I don’t. I’m sure you have a lot on your plate, both as a Superhero and living the life of whoever you are when you are not being Supergirl. It’s not easy having to hide a part of your life away. It was presumptuous of me to assume I understood what was going on with you. And I am sorry.”

Kara, almost dumbfounded by the profound apology, simply says “Thank you for saying that. Most people… they don’t really ever think about any of that.”

The woman on the video gives a sad smile, clearly lost in thought of some memory. “Well, Supergirl, let’s just say that maybe I can understand it more than you may know.”

Kara bites her bottom lip, debating whether to say what she wants next. It’s only for a moment. She isn’t sure why she wants this person, this woman, to know. Maybe it’s the genuine sincerity in her voice as she talks to her. Or the bluntness in calling Kara out for her absence. Or her ability to apology and own her own mistakes. Kara also knows that maybe, it’s a little reckless. She knows she has gotten a bit more reckless these last few years. Regardless of the reason, Kara knows this is the first time in what feels like ages, that she feels like sharing this fact about herself. so, she does.

“You can call me Kara… Kara Zor-El.”

The woman on the screen is clearly surprised that Kara would share such a private detail with her, as the emotion flashes on her face, though she recovers quickly. She smiles and replies, “Dr. Lee Kieran. It is nice to meet you Kara Zor-El.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Lee. I should probably get back to it though. Again, if you need me, just holler,” Kara finishes, with a wink and a wide grin, causing the woman on the screen to chuckle as Kara takes off into the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara continues to help with hurricane cleanup... until she has an accident... Lucky for her, someone is there to save the day...

Kara spends the next two days working with first responders, helping with rescue efforts and also assisting with other tasks like moving abandoned vehicles or repairing damaged buildings. She admits to herself that it is a nice change of pace from what has become the monotony of her day to day life at Catco as Editor-in-Chief. Though she misses spending her evenings on one of her artistic outlets. She wishes she hadn’t rushed out of Catco and had made a trip home to grab her guitar or her painting supplies. She ends up spending the evening hours, after the sun sets, floating up in the atmosphere on the outer rim of the storm, meditating. Kara tells herself she is meditating, anyway. Because if anyone knew what she was really doing… well, they would worry. But these days, it’s so hard for Kara to sit still. That’s why she started painting again. And why she started learning to play guitar and writing songs. Anything to keep her mind occupied.

Because when Kara does find herself in situations like now, where she is away from home without her guitar or art supplies, she cannot even idly watch television. Her mind simply replays events in her mind.

And she can’t have that.

Which is why, for the past two nights, she spent her time near the storm. She is high enough that no one can see her. And she is close enough that she can yell and scream all she wants without anyone hearing her because it gets covered up by the thunder.

And so, she does. Kara yells. She screams. She cries angry tears as images flash across her mind. Sometimes the guilt and shame feel unbearable.

On the third night, as Kara does the same thing that she has done the past two nights, that guilt and shame that has slowly been building, seems to reach its peak. She isn’t quite paying attention to just how close she is flying to all the clouds while she yells and cries. She knows somewhere deep in her consciousness that she is being reckless, but she can’t seem to care all that much. She realized the night before that she hasn’t gotten to yell into oblivion for several months and isn’t sure when she will get to do it again. So, there is a part of her that is relishing in it.

Because Kara Danvers can’t be angry.

And Supergirl can’t yell.

All that had been building up is probably the reason Kara didn’t see the lightning strike.

It hit her directly in the chest, in her heart.

She is aware, for a millisecond, that she might have, maybe, made a slight error in getting so close to the storm clouds that evening, before she blacks out and falls straight down to the ground.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luckily for Kara, Dr. Kieran saw the entire thing happen. Because despite what Kara thinks, there are some people on this planet who are smart enough to invent technologies to track a Kryptonian. And Kara just happened to meet one of them the other day.

And, because Dr. Kieran is meticulous and a bit paranoid, she had been keeping an eye on Supergirl since their meeting. To be fair, she had also been using the same technology to collect data on the storm. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t _also_ use the tech to track Kara Zor-El, right?

Lee tells herself it’s her old survival instincts kicking in that drove her to do it. After all, she hasn’t had anyone suspicious come into her life in… 8 years. And even that was a false alarm. Surely, they haven’t found her here, in Mississippi. No one would suspect that she would be here of all places, teaching at a University. Supergirl seemed so… genuine. She didn’t seem to have any idea who she was talking to. If she had… she would have never told Lee her name… right?

All these thoughts flash through her mind as she watches Supergirl fall from the sky. Lee knows she is going to land somewhere in the forest, a half mile from her estate. She thanks whatever eternal being created the universe that she won’t be landing somewhere populated as she throws on a ball cap and grabs the keys to her Jeep Wrangler.

She finds Supergirl, still unconscious, a half hour later. She created a small crater around herself, taking down several trees in the process. Lee knows she will need to fix this landscape issue later to cover up the Super’s fall, but for now, she focuses on figuring out how to help the woman. She pulls the Jeep down into the crater, as close as she can, hopping out and rushing to the passenger side door to rip it open. She then turns and takes the few steps over to the woman, who is breathing, though raggedly and somewhat intermittently. “Shit,” Lee says out loud, acknowledging the severity of the lightning strike and the fall for the first time to herself. She uses all her strength to hoist Kara up so she can pull her arm across her shoulder and then pulls and kind of drags the woman up to the Jeep. Lee steadies herself first, takes a deep breath, and then lifts with all her might, getting the top half of Kara onto the seat. She then gently places the rest of Kara into the Jeep. Kara, still unconscious, grunts in pain. Lee apologizes before closing the door and rushing back to the driver’s side. She chances a glance at Kara on the drive back. The woman doesn’t appear to have any burn marks on her which Lee thinks is a good sign. She hears Kara mumbling incoherently from time to time in her unconscious state. She can occasionally make out some of what she is saying. It seems like Kara keeps saying the same few things over and over again.

“I’m so sorry J’ohnn…”

“It’s all my fault.”

“There’s no point for me.”

Lee isn’t sure about the meaning behind all of them, but it is clear to her that Kara is haunting by something. Perhaps whatever burden Kara is carrying around explains why she decided to take a break from being Supergirl.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next thing Kara is aware of is the sun, warming her face. She doesn’t open her eyes right away, enjoying the feeling. It takes a few moments before she remembers that she didn’t fall asleep the night before in her hotel bed. That she was in fact, hit by lightning. It is at that point that her eyes pop open and she bolts up, taking in her surroundings. She is on a couch, under a blanket, in an unfamiliar house. There are huge bay windows where the sun is coming in from. The storm has apparently cleared out. More importantly to Kara, though, is that she has no recollection of how she got here.

“Oh good, you’re finally awake.” Kara, startled by the voice, whips around, and finds a woman standing a few feet behind the couch, leaning against the wall where the hallway starts, holding two mugs that have some kind of hot beverage. Kara doesn’t say anything at first, she simply takes in the appearance of the woman, trying to place her. She has a baseball hat on, her hair pulled through it in a ponytail. She is wearing glasses on her face, wearing jeans and a simple gray t-shirt with sneakers. It takes a moment for Kara to realize who is standing before her.

“Dr. Kieran?” She asks it, tentatively.

“Lee, please. Only my students call me that.” Lee walks around the couch approaching Kara. “Would you like some tea?”

Kara nods, watching the woman closely. Kara takes the coffee mug, apparently of tea, but doesn’t drink from it. “How did I get here?”

Lee sits down in a chair that is a few feet away from the couch, facing Kara. “I saw you fall. I figured you wouldn’t want to be left out in the open for just anyone to find you. So, I drove over to where I estimated you landed until I found you, loaded you up, and then brought you back to my place. You have been out for about twelve hours.” Lena adds that last bit, figuring Supergirl would want to know how much time she had missed.

Kara again simply nods at the information provided to her. After a brief moment of silence, she asks the one question that is at the forefront of her brain.

“Why?” She says it, barely a whisper.

Lee doesn’t answer right away, staring intently into Kara’s eyes, trying to read the unspoken questions behind this single question. She settles on answering as close to the truth as she is willing to get. “Because sometimes even heroes need help.”

Kara stares off into the distance after this, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Lee doesn’t push it, simply letting Kara process the information while she lets herself finally have some of the tea she had made shortly before Kara awoke. Lee figured there would be more questions about Lee’s motivations for helping the superhero, especially if she figured out who she actually was.

But for now, it seemed, Kara was content with changing the subject. “You mentioned having students. Are you a teacher?”

“I am a professor at the University in town, yes.” Lee is thankful for the change in topic.

“What do you teach?” Kara asks, genuinely interested in this mysterious woman who saved her.

“I am an engineer. I teach freshmen engineering and some special advanced courses as well.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the main course I teach is on the implications of invention. The students have to come up with an idea, and then spend the semester exploring three ways the invention could be used to help improve the earth and/or society and three ways it could be used to harm the earth and/or society.”

“That’s amazing.”

“Thank you, I put a lot of work into getting the course approved and even required by our department.”

“It sounds like it is something you might have some personal experience with…” Kara says this, trailing off, unsure whether she should be asking such personal information about the woman’s history or not.

Lee regards Kara for a moment before stating simply “Yes, my own inventions were used by someone close to me… for nefarious purposes. So, I do think it is prudent to consider the consequences of your inventions while also knowing how to protect yourself and your ideas.” Lee finishes this sentiment, hoping she hasn’t given too much away. Kara nods but doesn’t press anymore. She instead stands up from the couch and walks over to the huge bay windows overlooking the property.

“You have some very beautiful land,” Kara comments.

“Thank you, I do quite enjoy taking long walks throughout the property when I need to clear my head.”

“Is that something you have to do often? Clear your head?” Kara asks, turning back to face Lee who is still seated in the chair.

Lee tilts her head in contemplation as she formulates her answer. “It was something I did often when I first moved here. I haven’t had to do it as much as the years have gone by. Though it was a habit I picked back up a couple years ago. Nowadays, when I find myself working on a project that I can’t quite solve, that does make me have to take a lot of walks,” she finishes with a small chuckle. Kara smiles widely at her.

“Well, Lee, I realize I haven’t actually said thank you.”

The abrupt change in subject catches Lee slightly off kilter, the surprise flashing across her face for a second. She recovers quickly though. “For?”

“Rescuing me,” Kara says, not missing a beat. “It isn’t every day that Supergirl needs rescued. But it does happen. I am lucky you were there.” Lee feels herself blushing slightly. 

“Well, it was the right thing to do. Anyone in my position would have done the same.”

Kara looks deeply into Lee’s eyes for a moment before saying in a low voice. “No, they wouldn’t have, trust me.”

Lee isn’t sure how to respond to this remark. Clearly, there have been things that have happened to Supergirl in the past that have made her lose hope in people. Lee gives her a small, half smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. Kara’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as she turns and looks back out the window.

“I guess I should be getting back to National City now that the storm has subsided.”

Lee stands up slowly and joins Kara at the window. She puts a hand on Kara’s shoulder and squeezes it gently, trying to let her know that she isn’t alone. She then replies, “Yes, I suppose you should.” Lee knows, logistically and rationally, that the best thing for her is for Supergirl to be as far away from her as possible, as soon as possible. But she also can’t ignore this aching feeling she is experiencing in her chest. She feels drawn to this woman. Lee notices this feeling she has and thinks to herself, reminiscing the last time she felt this kind of instance connection. She abruptly shakes it off, thinking that she has this feeling and a strong urge to hold the superhero simply because it is clear Supergirl has lost her way over the years. Lee refrains from doing this though and continues to stand next to Supergirl.

“Oh.” Kara suddenly says.

“Oh?” Lee asks, turning to look at Kara, raising an eyebrow.

“My powers are… aren’t working. They’re gone. I guess I could have solar flared somehow…” Kara trails off, trying to figure out why her powers aren’t working. She turns slightly, looking at Lee. “Unless you…”

Lee takes a step back. “Kara… Supergirl… I would never...” Lee takes another deliberate step back from Supergirl, steeling her gaze. “You are free to leave at any time. Powers or not.” She says it firmly. And with that, she turns and walks out of the room. Lee can’t believe what she just got accused of. And Supergirl doesn’t even know who she _really_ is. If she did, she would definitely think she did something to her.

Kara simply continues to stand there, staring as Lee walks away. Her shoulders slump as she visibly sighs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara apologizes, the two women finally talk, starting to get to know each other a bit, and Lee makes a decision...

Kara knows she messed up, but she is frozen where she stands, silently berating herself.

_What has happened to you?_ She thinks to herself. It’s another few minutes of sulking before Kara finally wonders down the hallway, looking for Lee. She takes a few tentative steps down the hallway, taking in the house as she goes, passing by what Kara assumes to be a spare bedroom, a workout space, and an office. She finds Lee in the fourth room, she is facing away from the door, looking out a window overtop a piano. Lee’s fingers are resting lightly on the keys, not playing as she stares intently outside, deep in thought.

Kara knocks lightly on the doorframe. She waits for Lee to turn around before speaking. However, Lee doesn’t turn around. She sighs as her shoulders sag and she says, “I know you don’t know me very well. Or hell, really at all. But I really, really need you to believe me when I tell you, I would never, ever, do anything to harm you or hurt you.” Lee turns around after finishing her statement, emphasizing the last several words. Kara can see the glint of tears in the green eyes. And for the first time in what feels like ages, Kara feels something inside of her awaken. Something she thought had died a long time ago.

“I owe you an apology for my behavior, my accusation back there,” Kara says, hoping to start off strong. “I am so sorry for thinking that the person who rescued me could be responsible for me not having powers, whenever all you have done has shown me kindness and generosity… I was out of line and if you’ll let me, I would like to stick around for a couple of days while my powers return and make it up to you.” Kara knows she is starting to ramble, so she cuts herself off there. And waits.

Lee takes a deep breath in, assessing the situation, unsure of how to proceed. Lee takes a hard look at Supergirl, who is standing there, being very vulnerable… it makes Lee want to pick the illogical choice. And so, she does.

“I have a spare room, down the hallway on the left. You are welcome to stay there.”

Kara smiles widely at Lee’s response. Lee makes a note that this might be the first time she has seen Supergirl smile this widely and this honestly in a very long time. It warms her heart to know she could do that for her.

“Um… just one thing,” Lee says, curious as to how Kara will respond. “Are you going to wear your suit the entire time?” Lee raises her eyebrow and smirks.

Kara laughs, a genuine laugh, one she hasn’t heard herself in months. She hadn’t actually thought about this. Lee doesn’t know her human persona. She can’t exactly where her normal attire… can she?

Sensing her apprehension, Lee offers an alternative solution “I know you have an identity to protect Supergirl, I am by no means asking you to reveal that… I was just suggesting that perhaps I let you borrow some of my clothes while you stay here.”

Kara smiles warmly at the offer. “That’d be great.”

Lee and Kara head to the other wing of the house where Lee’s bedroom is. Lee wanders into the massive walk-in closet she has as Kara stands in the doorway, not wanting to intrude.

“What kind of clothes would you like?” Lee speaks loudly from the closet.

“Um… anything comfortable,” Kara answers as she takes in the master bedroom. This room also has a huge bay window overlooking the property. Aside from the king size bed, there is a nightstand on each side of the bed. There is a dresser next to one nightstand, which has a small lamp on it, a book Lee is apparently currently reading and a notebook. Glancing, Kara notices the other nightstand doesn’t have anything on it. There is a reading corner set up with a chair, lamp, and two bookshelves that are packed with books on them. But aside from that, the room is spacious and open.

It’s a few minutes before Lee comes back with a couple pairs of sweatpants and some t-shirts. “You said comfy. Well these are from my college days. You are a tiny bit taller than me and I imagine more muscular than me, but hopefully they are loose fitting enough that you don’t mind them.” Lee hands them over.

“Do you mind? I could really use a chance to clean up.” Kara asks as she points to the master bathroom that connects to the bedroom, smiling sheepishly. Lee shakes her head, and signals for Kara to go ahead. “I’ll be in the kitchen, whenever you’re done.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara, feeling refreshed and renewed after a quick shower and a change of clothing, heads down to find the kitchen. It takes her a moment to get her bearings in the large house, but she eventually finds Lee cooking.

“Something smells good,” Kara says as she wanders in. Lee turns around and smiles as she says, “I’m making parmesan and garlic linguine. I hope you like it.”

Lee no longer has her glasses on because they fogged up from the steam while cooking. Kara, getting to see Lee’s emerald eyes, unfiltered for the first time, simply stares for a moment, mesmerized.

“Kara?” Lee finally asks, unsure why the superhero is suddenly frozen in place and speechless.

“Oh, um… sorry, right. Yes, that sounds amazing,” Kara manages to get out. Lee smirks as she turns back to the stove, seeing that for whatever reason she is clearly causing Kara to become a bumbling wreck. And Lee would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she kind of loved it.

“How can I help?” Kara asks, finally pulling herself back together. Lee asks her to set the table as she pulls the garlic break out of the oven and puts the finishing touches on the pasta. The two women sit down at the rectangular, four-person table, directly across from one another. Lena sets the two plates down. Kara notices that the plate Lee gives her has a much larger portion of food than the one Lee gives herself.

“How’d you know?” She asks, mouth agape. Lee gives a small smile, blushing slightly. “I told you when we first met, I’m a scientist, Supergirl. It only makes sense, given what you can do, that you would require a significant amount of energy to sustain yourself. I imagine without your powers that you don’t need _quite_ as much at this moment. Even so, I don’t think you would be accustomed to human portions. So, I simply estimated from that.”

Kara beams at Lee as she digs in, practically inhaling the first few bites. She can’t remember the last time she had homecooked food that was _this_ delicious. Lee chuckles at the Kryptonian as she takes a bite herself. They eat in relative silence for a few moments as Lee contemplates doing something she swore to herself she would never do. She is so lost in thought, debating when would be an appropriate time to rip that can of worms open that she almost didn’t hear Kara speak.

“So… you live here alone?” Kara asks it tentatively, like she isn’t sure if this might be a touchy subject for Lee given how big the house is. Lee smiles and nods, affirming that yes, she lives alone, but doesn’t offer any other information. Kara, newly cleaned and now with a semi-full stomach, decides she wants to get to know this person in front of her more. But she doesn’t want to push any potential uncomfortable topics of conversation. So instead, Kara changes the subject.

“And I take it you play the piano?” Lee’s eyebrow goes up, noticing the abrupt change in topic, but thankful for it, nonetheless. She nods again as she takes a bit of bread. “That’s cool, I play guitar.” Kara blurts it out without thinking.

“Wow,” Lee mutters it, barely a whisper.

“Wow?” Kara asks, unsure exactly what is so impressive about that fact. Plenty of people play guitar.

“Yeah, I mean, Supergirl plays a musical instrument, who would have thought.”

“I suppose technically my alter ego plays guitar,” Kara clarifies.

Lee challenges this statement though, saying “I think what you mean is that you are technically capable of playing the instrument regardless of what identity you are portraying.”

Kara’s head tilts sideways, like a dog, as she processes the statement, like she has never before considered such a thing. It’s a brief moment before she responds. Lee waits patiently. “I’ve genuinely never thought about my life that way. The two identities have always been so completely separated for me.”

“How so?” Lee asks, clearly intrigued. She quickly follows it up though, with “Only if you want to talk about it, of course.”

Kara regards Lee for a moment, staring into her eyes, trying to read her intentions. “I promised you I would make up for my behavior. This is my trying to do just that…” Kara looks down at the plate of food. “Supergirl is proud, confident, and tends to be a bit righteous at times. She has to be. Hope, Help, and Compassion for all, yadda yadda yadda…” Kara trails off a bit before taking a breath and continuing. “My other self, the person I pretended to be all the time before I came out as Supergirl and who I am still when I am not being Supergirl… She was this fun, dorky, clumsy woman just trying to make her way in this world…”

Kara doesn’t look up, but she does pick up the fork and start playing with the food that is left on her plate, unsure of what to say now, but also scared to look at Lee. She hasn’t talked about her dual identities in so long. She forgot that was one of the major reasons for her retirement. Lee is watching her carefully, unsure of how to comfort her, but knowing that she wants to. She thinks that maybe, what this hero needs is just a friend, someone to talk to that won’t judge her for her actions. So, Lee presses the subject a bit. “You said was. What happened to this person?”

Kara doesn’t answer right away. She sits there, not daring to look up. Even so, Lee sees it – the single tear that Kara sheds as it falls down her check and onto the plate.

“She thought she could have it all… she was wrong.”

Lee does it without thinking – a physical reaction to such a vulnerable and honest answer. She reaches over, placing her hand on top of Kara’s, gentle squeezing it, trying her best to let her know that she isn’t alone. Kara doesn’t look up but turns her hand sideways to returns the squeeze. Lee leaves her hand there, not wanting to remove it until Kara has gotten all of the comfort she needs from it. It’s clear that Supergirl has been carrying this burden, whatever it is, with her for quite some time.

Lee doesn’t ask any more questions after that, simply offers support to the hero in front of her. It’s a few moments later that Kara finally raises her head, eyes glistening. Lee gives her a small, sympathetic smile, withdrawing her hand finally. Kara looks down briefly as the hand disappears from hers, already missing the contact.

“Thank you,” Kara says, quietly, somewhat afraid her voice might fail her. Lee, somewhat surprised, attempts to apologize. “I feel like I should be apologizing, not being thanked by you. I clearly asked some deep personal questions. I… I didn’t mean for things to go in that direction.” Kara puts a hand up, signaling that she is ok with how the conversation went, so Lee stops talking and lets Kara explain. “I don’t really talk about these things… with anyone anymore. So yes, it is hard to talk about. But a promise is a promise. And, I’m trying hard to trust again.”

The women grow quiet again, unsure of what to say next. It’s a minute later that Lee, unable to help herself, asks another question. “But Kara, if you don’t talk to anyone, how do you cope with the stress of being Supergirl? How do you deal with the stress of day to day life?” Lee can really see it now, the difference in the woman before her and the woman who used to appear on the news and in the occasional interview or media appearance over the years, but especially those first few years after she appears. Whatever happened to her, she has lost herself, lost hope for the future.

“I mentioned I play guitar… I didn’t mention I write my own songs. That helps.” Kara says it with a half-smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She is trying hard to lighten the mood. “Have you ever played any of your songs for anyone?” Lee asks, curiously. Kara laughs, a bit forced. “Oh, no. I do it for me. I’ve only been doing it for about a year and a half, so…” Kara trails off, unsure of what to say. Lee smiles at her, standing up and saying she will be right back. Kara eyes her curiously as she disappears down the hallway, disappearing into a room.

Lee returns a few moments later, a guitar in hand. “I had this in storage. I thought you might enjoy playing while you are here for the next few days. And if you’d like, I’d love to hear any of your songs.” Kara can feel her face heating up, reddening as she blushes deeply at the idea of playing her songs for this woman.

“But first…” Lee says, “There is something you should know about me.” Lee sets the guitar down, leaning it against the table. She takes a step away from the table, facing Kara. She takes a breath and removes her hat, letting her hair down. It is dark and straight, flowing down her back. She stands there, anxiously staring at Kara.

Kara looks at Lee, taking her in fully now that she can see her without a hat and without the glasses. Her piercing green eyes with her straight hair. Kara can’t help but admire and adore just how beautiful she is. Kara stares for another moment before realizing Lee is waiting for some kind of response or reaction from her, which has Kara complexed. She finally says, “Lee… I appreciate you finally showing me your gorgeous hair. But, I’m not exactly sure why that needed such a big reveal.”

Lee’s face goes deadpanned, “You don’t recognize me, do you?”

Kara sits up straighter, now on alert. “Should I?” She asks, eyeing her curiously.

Lee fidgets with her hands for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain herself. “Well, we have never technically met. But you might have seen me on the news a decade or so ago…” She trails off, seeing if that is enough to trip Kara’s memory. Kara stares at her, but no wave of reflection comes across her eyes. Lee takes a breath, not realizing she had been holding it, and continues her explanation. “I was put into witness protection after I testified in court against my brother… Lex Luthor.”

Kara doesn’t react at first. In fact, Lee thinks she might be in shock, because for more than a few seconds, she is frozen, staring at Lee’s face. Kara hears the words come out of Lee’s mouth. And finally, finally, she starts to put two and two together. She thinks back to what feels like a lifetime ago. It wasn’t too long after she became Supergirl when her cousin almost died fighting Lex when he tried to turn the sun red. She remembers now, those emerald eyes, seeing them on the news, taking the stand. She was so caught up on being the new Superhero in town, she barely had time to keep up with the trial, but she remembers this part.

Kara finally talks, simply whispering “Lena Luthor.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara reacts to learning Lee's true identity...

Lee cringes upon hearing the name she hasn’t associated with for over a decade. But then she nods, confirming what Kara already knows. She swallows the lump in her throat, feeling anxious, but knowing she needs to say the next part. “I know this might change your perspective on… well, everything. The same thing I said earlier today still applies. You’re free to go whenever you like, powers or not. All I ask is that you don’t tell anyone about me, please. I have a life here and I am quite… content with it. I would like to be able to keep it. If my family or people who associate with them were to find out that I was alive and where I was… that would make my life rather… difficult.” Lena stares intently into Kara’s eyes as she says all this, practically begging her to keep this secret. She turns to walk away, pausing at the entrance to the hallway, placing a hand on the wall to steady herself, more so emotionally than physically. She then says to Kara, “I meant what I said today Kara, I would never, ever do anything to harm you. I am not my brother... I am not my family.” And with that last comment, she walks down the hallway, somewhere unknown to Kara, who is still sitting at the table. Kara can’t believe she just found the one person in the world everyone thought was dead.

Kara, still somewhat in shock, starts to think back to that time, trying to remember. She remembers the day the news broke. It was all Catco or any news company covered for a week, the sudden death and secret life of Lena Luthor. It was shortly after the trial. Lex was supposedly tucked safely away in prison and Lena was supposed to be finally getting on with her life. It was the first time she was spotted out in public since the trial. The explosion killed her, her driver, and the two civilians who happened to be walking by the car as it parked.

Or so Kara thought.

Lex, from prison, never denied that he called for the hit against his sister, who he viewed as betraying him to testify against him. He viewed this as siding with the Kryptonian Superman. Apparently, Lena Luthor has been living here, in the southeastern US the entire time, as a professor at a university. And all it took was a baseball cap and some glasses to fool Kara.

No wonder a ponytail and glasses fooled most people.

Kara takes her time processing all of this, remembering what was happening during this time in her life, remembering how people questioned Lena’s true loyalties. She remembered several articles being ran along the lines of “Once a Luthor, Always a Luthor,” but when Cat assigned Kara to investigate and write a True Facts article about Lena. All Kara could find was evidence to support the contrary. She found out that Lena was technically adopted by the Luthor’s after her mother died when Lena was four. Lena grew up a prodigy in the classroom, attending boarding school, excelling in science and math, going on to college and then to graduate school for her doctorate. She joined Lex at Luthorcop after that, focusing in R&D. Kara did her due diligence, looking up all patents filed directly by Lena herself, and Kara was in awe. They were related to things like green energy, ways to reduce pollution in the air and water, and space travel. While Lex was focused on ways to destroy or control aliens, Lena was focused on ways to improve life on Earth and beyond. And when Lex started to really decline and become hyper focused on Superman, Lena tried to help him. When she finally realized she couldn’t stop him, she went to the FBI. It was the one move Lex didn’t think she would play. He never thought she would betray him like that.

She got his confession on tape by wearing a wire. It basically made for an open and shut case. But that did mean Lena had to take the stand and explain in detail what led her to go to the FBI in the first place, her work with the FBI, and her eventual wearing of the wire with Lex. And all of this was on camera for the world to see. Lex, in the courtroom, sat their staring at her with a smug expression on his face. He must have known he would get his revenge eventually. And sure enough, he does. Or at least, everyone thought he did. Her death rocked Metropolis and the world. In fact, this article turned out to be Kara’s first Pulitzer Award. She won it for her integrity to seek out the truth, despite what every other news outlet was printing at the time of Lena’s death. She wonders if Lena knows this. But then she remembers, Lena doesn’t know her other identity.

It takes Kara a half hour or so before she decides what to do next. She wanders down the hallway, looking for Lena. She finds Lena in the room she was in earlier, back at the piano. This time though, she is playing softly. Kara stands at the doorway and waits, listening to the song being played. It’s a soft melody. Lena hums along to the piano for a few keys before seeming to sense that she is being watched. She finishes out the song and slowly turns around to see Kara in the doorway with a shy smile on her face.

“That was really good,” Kara says, widening her smile. “Thank you,” Lena responds, somewhat solemnly, unsure exactly why Kara has come to talk to her. “So, I would like to get a few things out in the open.” Kara says this as she strides into the room confidently, pulling up a chair next to Lena who is on the piano bench. Lena, a bit taken aback, simple replies with an “alright…”.

“First, would you prefer that I call you Lee or Lena?” Lena stares for a moment, completed surprised at this question. That was completely unanticipated. “Um… I prefer Lena. But I really do not miss being a Luthor. I much rather prefer having my original last name back.”

“Lena Kieran, got it,” Kara says, smiling. “Ok, so, second, Lena, you have done nothing but treat me with kindness and respect. I understand our families have a… checkered past. But I am not my cousin and you are not your brother or your mother.” Lena gives her a gracious smile at this comment, thankful that maybe, just maybe, Kara understands. Kara takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the next part of this conversation. “And finally, Lena, you should know that I know more about your life history than maybe you realize. Not because I am a creepy stalker or anything like that, no… but because my other identity, the human one. Well, in that life, I am Kara Danvers, former Catco Reporter and now Editor-in-Chief.” Kara finishes this looking directly at Lena and waits for a reaction. Lena simply smirks at her.

“You know?” Kara asks, mouth agape.

“I figured it out, yes.” Lena answers her, the smirk never quite leaving her face.

“When?”

“Oh, a few years ago now. Kara Danvers wrote an expose on Supergirl and Dreamer. I had taken some vacation time from work after… well, I needed some time off and decided to investigate a theory. Turns out Kara Danvers was the only reporter at Catco who was getting these exclusives with the Superhero over the years. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together Kara, especially once I saw pictures of you side by side.”

Kara blushes. “But you never told anyone, you never outed me?” Kara again, seems baffled by Lena’s behavior. Lena, however, understandingly explains. “Oh, I didn’t do it for that. I did it simply because I had a theory and wanted to test it. I was pretty sure I was right. But even so, it was never about exposing Supergirl. I would never do that. Superheroes have dual identities for a reason, to protect their loved ones. I mean, if Lex had figured out who Superman was… he would have killed everyone he ever loved. And to be fair, I had been in hiding for so long that I had never expected to actually ever meet Supergirl _or_ Kara Danvers. So, I just figured it was a fun secret for me to keep that you would never even have to know about.”

Kara can’t help but chuckle at Lena’s explanation. It is so opposite of some of the very jarring experiences she has had. She almost doesn’t know how to handle it. “Well, now that that is all out in the open, I wanted to tell you that I appreciate you being honest with me and telling me who you are. I know that must have been difficult given our families history. And if it’s all the same to you, I would very much like to take you up on the offer to stay here until my powers return.” Lena, again surprised, simply nods and gives a quick “of course.”

“Great! Just one thing, I left all my things back at my hotel room, including my phone. And I am sure by now Alex is blowing up my phone worrying about me. And now that we both know that you know my identity, I figured I could also just bring my clothes and suitcase here anyway.”

“Well, you’re welcome to take my vehicle to the hotel to pick the stuff up. Can you drive a manual stick shift?”

“Um… so I understand how it works, technically. But to be honest, Alex says I am bad driver in automatic cars. So, it might be best if you drive us and I just run in and grab my things.”

“So, who is this Alex you keep mentioning?” Lena asks it before she realizes what is coming out of her mouth. She didn’t mean to ask it. It’s just the first time this Alex person has come up and they have come up twice in a row. She assumes that now that Kara is being herself, she is more open about people in her life. And obviously this Alex person is someone very special to Kara. And for some reason, that hits a nerve in Lena. But like the feeling from earlier, she tries to ignore it.

“She is my sister, my adopted sister. When I landed on Earth, the Danvers took me in.”

“Ah, I see. Well, how about we get going so you can assure your overly protective sister that you are in good hands?” _Oh goodness did I just really say that_ , Lena thinks. She smiles at Kara, hoping to smooth things over and not put too much emphasis on what just came out of her mouth. Luckily, Kara takes her cue or is completely oblivious because she just smiles and says “Yes! Let’s get going. The sooner we go, the sooner we get back and can eat again.” Lena chuckles, appreciating the reprieve either way.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara and Lena arrive back at the house shortly later with all of Kara’s belongings, including her now very dead cell phone. She plugs it in to charge in the spare room, sitting on the bed with her small duffle bag that only includes a few changes of clothes and some toiletry supplies. She was glad she had kept her emergency to go bag at Catco, otherwise she wouldn’t have anything with her at all at this point. It takes her phone a few minutes plugged in but when it finally powers on, Kara has a stream of voicemails and text messages. She doesn’t even bother listening to all of voicemails or reading all the texts, opting to instead just call Alex. She picks up within one ring.

“Kara! Thank goodness. Where have you been?! I have been worried sick!”

“Alex, hey, sorry. I’m ok, I just didn’t have my phone on me for the past half day or so…”

“Why not?” Kara can hear the suspicious in her voice. She also knows she can’t tell Alex about Lena. She decides to tell Alex as close to the truth as she can.

“I sort of blew out my powers down here… helping with the storm.”

“Kara…”

“It’s fine Alex, I’m fine. I promise. Anyway, I’m just going to rest up here for a few days until my powers come back. And then I will head back to National City after that.”

Alex is silent on the other end of the phone, probably debating whether to simply fly herself down to Mississippi herself to ensure that her sister is actually okay. “Alex, I promise, I’ll be fine. And I have my phone again, so we can text and call, anytime.” Kara hopes this will be enough to placate her sister. It’s another moment of silence, but eventually Alex relents and agrees that Kara could use a vacation anyway.

After hanging up the phone, Kara takes a deep breath and sighs as she lets it out. She finally looks at all the messages, mostly from Alex and Nia, though she has a few from Clark as well. She takes the time to respond to them, knowing if she doesn’t do this now, she will probably not have the energy to do it later. She is in the middle of responding to a text about sending Nia quotes from Supergirl for an article about the storm when there is a knock at the door. She looks up to see Lena standing there holding the guitar from earlier.

“Hey, I thought I would bring this and leave it in your room, in case you decide you want to play it while you are here for the next couple days.” Lena gives her a small, gentle smile. After Kara nods, Lena walks over to the corner by the window and sets the guitar down on a stand she was also carrying. She gives Kara another small smile before turning and walking toward the door, clearly wanting to give Kara her space after the emotional events of the day. Kara, however, sets her phone down, putting it on the _do not disturb_ function, looks from the guitar and back to Lena, contemplating for the briefest moment before saying to Lena’s backside right as she gets to the door, “Would you like to hear an original Kara Danvers song?”

Lena pauses at the doorway, turning slowly around, eyeing Kara intently, trying to read her expression. Kara is simply smiling at her, waiting for an answer. “I’d love to,” Lena responds, somewhat breathless. With that, Kara hops off the bed, snags the guitar, and returns to the bed. Lena, who hasn’t moved away from the doorway, stands there as Kara fiddles with the guitar for a few minutes, apparently tuning it and becoming adjusted to its shape and size in her lap and hands. Once she seems comfortable with it, she glances up before patting the bed and inviting Lena to join her. Lena obliges and comes and sits down next to Kara. The women turn to face each other on the bed. Internally, Kara is a bit nervous, never actually having played her own songs in front of others. She knows why. The lyrics have a deep personal meaning for her, not only as Kara Danvers but as Supergirl. And therefore, it could be too risky to play in front of others. But here, in private, with someone who already knows both sides of her, Kara thinks she can finally share this part of her with someone else.

“This song is called Idle Worship,” Kara says without looking up, preparing to start the song. Lena doesn’t respond, simply entranced by Kara as she begins to play and then completely enchanted as she begins to sing.

_Standing here like I'm supposed to say something_

_Don't hold your breath_

_I never said I'd save you, honey_

_And I don't want your money_

_If I was you, I'd run from me or rip me open_

_You'll see you're not the only one who's hopeless_

_Be sure to put your faith in something more_

_I'm just a girl and you're not as alone as you feel_

_We all got problems, don't we?_

_We all need heroes, don't we?_

_But rest assured there's not a single person here who's worthy._

_Don't let me let you down_

_Hey, baby I'm not your superhuman._

_And if that's what you want_

_I hate to let you down,_

_I got your hopes up_

_Now I got you hoping,_

_But I'm gonna be the one to let you down_

_Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fall_

_Down from this pedestal that you keep putting me on_

_What if I fall on my face?_

_What if I make a mistake?_

_If it's okay a little grace would be appreciated._

_Remember how we used to like ourselves?_

_What little light that's left, we need to keep it sacred._

_I know that you're afraid to let all the dark escape you_

_But we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places._

_Just let me let you down_

_Hey, baby I'm not your superhuman._

_And if that's what you want._

_I hate to let you down_

_I got your hopes up._

_Now I got you hoping_

_But I'm gonna be the one to let you down_

_Oh, no, I ain't your hero._

_You're wasting all your faith on me._

_Oh, no, I know where this goes._

_Think it's safe to say your savior doesn't look a thing like me._

_Don't let me let you down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end of the chapter is actually by Paramore - here is a link to it on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIFz9xNibNs. I imagine the version by Kara would be a bit slower and more subdued than the version by Paramore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara continue spending time together... and we finally find out why Lena went into witness protection all those years ago instead of moving to National City...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of history to be revealed over the next couple of chapters friends! For both Lena and Kara, so buckle up for a wild ride!

Kara finishes the song with a low strum of the guitar, waiting for it to quiet before looking up at Lena. Kara’s heart is racing. She never realized how anxiety provoking it would be for her to actually share her music with someone. She finds Lena, still sitting on the bed with her only a few feet away, her face awe struck, eyes staring intently. She has yet to say anything. Just when Kara is about to break the silence, Lena finally speaks.

“Kara… your voice, that song… you’re amazing,” she manages to say in a whisper. Kara blushes and looks back down at the guitar, starting to play around with it, unsure of what to say. So, Kara being Kara, she begins to ramble. “Oh… it’s just… you know, a work in progress… something for me…” She is suddenly cut off as a hand, Lena’s hand, is grasping hers. She looks up to find green eyes again staring intently. “Kara, the song is amazing. You are amazing.” Lena squeezes her hand, trying to show how much she means her words. Lena lets her hand linger a moment longer before retracting it. Kara gives her a shy smile, trying to express her gratitude.

Lena, perhaps sensing Kara’s feelings of overwhelmingness, says “So, how about some food?” Kara smiling wider this time, nods in agreement. The women head towards the kitchen, trying to leave the heavy mood from the song and the moment behind them… for now.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The women spend the evening making dinner in relative silence. Kara has many questions she wants to ask now that she knows that this is _the_ Lena Luthor, the woman who supposedly died a decade ago. But she isn’t sure if she should ask. So, she settled for silence and occasional small talk instead, asking Lena about the area and about the university she works at. Lena, however, can tell that Kara wants to know, that she wants to ask.

During one of the longer periods of silence, while the women are eating, Lena notices that Kara is clearly lost in thought. Lena isn’t sure why, but she decides to just be forward with Kara. “Kara, ask me what you want to know.” For a moment, Kara simply stares at her, mouth agape, like she is about to deny that she wants to know anything. She doesn’t deny it though, but she does try to counter Lena. “No, it’s your business Lena.”

Lena gives her a smirk and raises her brow while crossing her arms. “Kara, seriously, just ask. I can tell you have a lot of questions running through your head and you have for over an hour now. Just ask. And if I’m not comfortable telling you, I will tell you that, ok?” Kara thinks it over for a moment before nodding in assent. Lena waits as Kara takes a bite of food, debating on the first question.

“Why fake your own death?” Kara asks quietly. Lena eyes her, unsure of where exactly to start in explaining how that day played out. Lena hasn’t thought about that day in so long, let alone actually talk about it. She sighs, knowing this is a bit of a story…

_After the trial, Lena knew Lex would try to kill her, somehow. She could have tried to take over Luthorcorp and she really wanted to do that… To take over her family’s legacy and try to turn it into a force for good. But Lena had the most mysterious experience the day after the trial that led her down a different path…_

_She was just settling in for the evening, curled up with a book when a man appeared, literally appeared in her room. Now, Lena had seen many things and knew the scientific theory behind transportation, but this man had no apparent transportation device. Further, he knew who she was and said he was not there to harm her… only to deliver a message. Lena, ever the scientist, let him proceed. He explained that his name was Mxylplyx, Mxy for short, a fifth dimensional being and that he was here to help change the course of events for the better, to avoid a cruel fate for both Lena Luthor and Supergirl. Lena of course, asked for proof. Mxy proceeded to demonstrate his powers to Lena. She insisted that Mxy demonstrate his abilities for about an hour before she finally believed him._

_“So, exactly how are you here to change the course of events?” Lena finally asks._

_“You cannot take over Luthorcorp.” Mxy says it, standing tall and full of confidence._

_“Excuse me?”_

_“This one decision, one act, leads you to make a series of decisions that, in the future lead to extreme heartbreak and pain and devastation for you.”_

_“And for Supergirl?” Lena asks, not forgetting what he had mentioned when he first arrived._

_“Ah, yes, I did accidentally mention her as well.”_

_“Our fates were intertwined in this reality?” Lena asks, trying to get Mxy to share more information about what happened._

_Mxy regards Lena for a moment before answering. “Yes, Lena. You and Supergirl were very close in this future… but it cannot be. Your future self and I have figured out, that if I could come back to this moment and convince you to take a difference course of events… that you may be able to avoid your current fate.”_

_“I sent you here?” Lena asks, surprised. “Why wouldn’t I come myself?”_

_“Ah, benefits of being a fifth dimensional being, love.”_

_“How do I know I can trust you, then?” Lena asks suspiciously._

_“You taught me the song your mother used to sing to you when you were child.” Mxy proceeds to sing perfectly the song that Lena’s mother used to sing to her as a small child. Lena sheds a single tear at the end. “You also gave me this, to give to you.” It’s a small pendant on a silver chain. The only thing Lena has left that was her mothers._

_Lena, now fully satisfied that she can trust Mxy’s intentions, asking the question that has been burning in her brain throughout this entire interaction. “What happened? How bad are things in the future that I would risk sending someone back to change things so drastically?” Mxy doesn’t answer right away, he paces around the room, taking a moment to peak outside the window at Metropolis. Lena waits patiently. Mxy, remembering what Lena from the future explained to him, decides he must be upfront and honest now, so she understands what exactly is at stake._

_He turns back around to face Lena, sighing, looking disheartened. “Lena Luthor, what happens if you take over Luthorcorp? You decide to move the company to the city with the newest Kryptonian, thinking that maybe you can use that to your advantage in rebranding the company as a force for good. And, as it turns out, you do accomplish much together. And all the while, what you didn’t expect to find, is that you also formed a strong bond with another in National City. You grew very close, perhaps closer than you have been with another in many years. Unfortunately,… what you didn’t know is that these two people were one in the same. And because Supergirl does not get the chance to reveal her true identity to you before someone else does… it leads to a series of catastrophic events. And while you were able to repair your relationship with Supergirl. The events set in motion still led to her demise.” Mxy pauses there, letting the words sink in for a moment, before continuing. “You knew, however, that I first appeared to Supergirl and that she had attempted to repair your friendship by going back in time several times and telling you the truth earlier. But each time ended in… even worse outcomes. She even asked to see a reality where the two of you never met. That… was the worse one of all. However, when you summoned me, you said you could fix it all, that you could save Supergirl’s life. Not just by having the two of you never meet, but my simply having you never move to National City in the first place. Thus, avoiding all of those terrible fates.”_

_Lena takes all this information in, trying not to believe any of it. But the fact of the matter is, no one else actually knew about her plans for Luthorcorp – to move it, to rename it – none of it. So, him being here, telling her about her own plans, that was proof she had a hard time arguing against. And if what he is saying is true about the future and Supergirl trying to fix the past, Lena knows herself well enough to know she would go to extreme lengths like this._

_“So… did future me have any suggestions on what exactly I should do instead?”_

_“Actually, yes. You… She suggested faking your death and going into Witness Protection. Starting a new life somewhere quiet and away from the Luthor name.”_

_“Great…” Lena says, barely a whisper. She has never been one to run from a fight or confrontation. She knows Lex will try to take her out, maybe not right away, but eventually. She knows she will always face threats on her life for being a Luthor, she is prepared for that. But is she prepared for a life where she maybe doesn’t have to be?_

Lena finishes telling Kara the story from that night that Mxy came to her, urging her to change her course of action. She leaves out the part where Supergirl died, deciding instead to tell Kara that what happened led to a lot of death and destruction in National City. And so, Lena Luthor never moved to National City. She never took over Luthorcorp. The FBI and US Marshals did work with her to set up her death and what her new life would look like. Luckily, Lena had always been smart with money, and had kept several accounts separate from her main Luthor account. So, she was able to set herself up nicely with her new alias. It took a few weeks to get everything set up, which is why no one saw or heard anything from Lena until that fateful day that she had “died.” To her knowledge, her family does truly think she is dead. Especially since after the incident, they checked several known Luthor safehouses and even checked Lena’s childhood home in Ireland. To her knowledge, they looked for her for over a year before finally believing she had actually died. And she hopes to keep it that way.

Over the years, Lena would often wonder if she had made the right choice by essentially running and hiding. She now had knowledge of the future that she maybe could have used to guide her instead of doing what she did. But Mxy was insistent that no matter what happened, her moving to National City led to tragedy all around, which was what ultimately guided her decision. She died or Supergirl died. Or even worse, in one reality, Lena apparently became an evil dictator. Lena just didn’t quite understand why their fates seemed so intertwined.

However, since actually meeting the Kryptonian, she can’t deny the strong connection she feels towards the woman. Sure, she has followed her through the news and media, but seeing her and talking to her in person… this has sparked some kind of reaction… some kind of feeling in Lena that she can’t quiet explain. She is drawn towards Kara in a way she hasn’t felt in a very long time… And truth be told, she didn’t think she would feel this way again. Adding to that, the fact that it is a Super, when she is a Luthor, is quite alarming.

Lena regards Kara carefully as she finishes the story. Kara is staring at Lena, a controlled, neutral, expression on her face that is unreadable to Lena. It takes another moment of silence before Kara responds, asking in a tone that is a mix between defeated and angry, “And do you think this version of reality has turned out any better?” Kara stares intently at Lena with her piercing blue eyes waiting for an answer.

Lena thinks over her answer briefly, before responding, “I wouldn’t have sent Mxy back if I didn’t think it was for the best.” Kara doesn’t respond verbally, simply nods and looks away, lost in thought, or maybe a memory. Lena decides to expand upon her answer. “In terms of what we have both experienced over the past decade, whether good or bad, happy or sad, whatever it might have been… I cannot say for certain those events would have happened or if they are better or worse than the alternative. All I can tell you, Kara, is that we are both here now, and by some chance of fate have still ended up meeting.” Lena gives Kara small smile, which she returns, but still remains silent for another moment. Lena isn’t sure what else to say, so she decides to remain silent as well.

It’s a full five minutes before Kara finally speaks.

“I used to be so full of hope and trust, Lena. And there was a time when I thought I was actually able to balance my life as Supergirl and as Kara Danvers and have it all… have my career, be a superhero, have a group of friends that were practically family, and have a life partner who knew and understood everything about me, that I could one day maybe have a family of my own with… I thought I had it all… But I was wrong… so so so wrong…” Kara trails off, eyes filing with tears she doesn’t shed. Lena, unsure if she should press for Kara to continue to talk, simply reaches across the table, putting her hand on top of Kara’s and giving a gentle squeeze. This physical act slowly becoming a familiar thing for the two of them.

“Kara, you don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to. It’s clear that you have been through something terrible that had a huge impact on your life. And I know you don’t know me really at all, but I am here for you, and I am not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

Lena gives her hand another squeeze. “I promise.”

Kara lets out a few deep breaths as the tears she has been willing herself not to let out force their way down her cheek silently. It has been a long time since Kara has felt this seen or heard. She knows she has Alex, always has Alex in her corner. But Alex is also busy raising a family of her own now. And she knows Alex tries hard to balance being her sister with being a wife and a full-time mom and still working as Director of the DEO. So yes, she has Alex, but at the same time, Alex’s life has moved forward, as it should. Whereas Kara, she has been stuck, unable to move forward after what happened.

“I… I think I would like… to talk about it… eventually. Just, not tonight.” Kara finally says to Lena. Lena smiles and nods, encouraging. “Of course, anytime, what would you like to do tonight then?”

“How about a movie?” Kara asks, smiling widely, causing Lena to chuckle slightly. “Sure Darling, I’ll even let you pick it out since technically you are recovering.” Internally, Lena is wide-eyed at herself. Did she really just call Kara Danvers, no Supergirl, Darling? Luckily, if Kara does notice, she doesn’t say anything. She is already moving into the living room to turn on the tv and start scrolling through potential movie options.

Kara ends up picking a movie called A Simple Favor because it stars Anna Kendrick who she adores. Lena is excited because it stars Blake Lively, so she is happy with the choice. The two women sit on either end of the couch, Lena bringing popcorn with her, figuring the Kryptonian would enjoy the snack throughout the movie. Kara smiles brightly at her for the thoughtful gesture.

Once the movie is over, Lena and Kara spend the next hour or two in an intellectual debate about the movie, such as when exactly Anna’s character figured things out. It was a treat for Lena, who usually didn’t have anyone to discuss movies with. She is surprised when she glances up and sees that it is getting close to midnight. Glancing back down, she can see that Kara is clearly worn out from the day. Lena suggest they both get some rest. The women bid each other goodnight and head to their respective bedrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say that I appreciate all the kudos and comments from everyone so far! It makes my heart happy that folks are liking the pace and tone of the story. The story idea came into my head about six weeks ago and wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it out. It is another one of those stories where I feel like I'm just a conduit for the story, reporting to you all what the characters are doing in some other parallel universe lol. Anyway, I plan to continue posting a chapter a day as I finish writing the story. It looks like it will be about 13 chapters, so you are almost half way. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a new day, Lena and Kara decide to spend the day exploring the woods of Lena's estate. Some secrets from the past are revealed... 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mental/Emotional Abuse; Physical Abuse via Poisoning; Discussion of death/losing loved ones.

Kara wakes up the next morning, the sun shining brightly through her bedroom windows, the smell of breakfast wafting into the room. Kara giggles to herself, guessing that the smell is probably what woke her up. She wanders out to the kitchen to find Lena again cooking.

“You keep this up and I might never leave,” Kara says with a smirk as she glides into the kitchen, picking up the plates and silverware to set the table. Lena simply chuckles but offers no other response. Her back is to Kara, so Kara can’t see that this comment made Lena blush.

The women enjoy breakfast in relative silence, both in quiet contemplation as they eat. Oddly enough, both are thinking about the fact that despite only knowing each other for a short time, they are comfortable sitting in silence without it being awkward.

“Thank you for this delicious breakfast Lena. You are an amazing cook.” Kara compliments her as she finishes up the last bit of her breakfast and stands up to start clearing the table. Lena blushes for the second time this morning. “You are most welcome Kara. I enjoy cooking, so it is nice to cook for more than one person again.” Luckily for Lena, Kara is faced away by now, working on the dishes, so she doesn’t see Lena go wide eyed at her slip up. She is hoping Kara doesn’t catch it and ask about it. She isn’t sure she is ready to open that particular can of worms yet.

Whether Kara understands that or just missed the last bit of Lena’s wording, she continues talking to Lena about the food and how wonderful it was. Lena sighs in relief. “You know, I could teach you know to cook some of it while you are here.” This suggestion elicits a genuine cackle of a laugh from Kara, who, after a moment can finally respond. “Trust me Lena, I’ve learned the hard way again and again that the kitchen is no place for me.” Lena laughs at this explanation and decides to let this one be for now.

Kara finishes up the dishes and turns to face Lena, who says “Well, Kara, what would you like to do today?” Kara, surprised at the question, asks “You don’t have to work? Like, go to the University?”

“Nope, I’m all yours,” Lena says, smiling. This elicits a big smile from Kara. “Well, seeing as I have no powers, I thought we could take a walk around your property. Maybe you could show me around?” Kara asks it cautiously. Kara knows this is something Lena usually does as a way to cope with stress or decompress, but she is also curious to simply explore the grounds and be outside in nature again. She is feeling a little bit cooped up. And if she is being honest with herself, she forgot what it was like to not live in a city and wants to explore a little bit while she is here.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Lena wholeheartedly agrees. It has been a while since she has really gotten out and walked around the property. It would do her some good. And there is a particular area she hasn’t visited in a while. Maybe she could manage to stop by there as well.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so, Lena and Kara find themselves walking through the dense woods of Lena’s property an hour later, planning to spend the morning hours of the day exploring the property. The women are an hour or so into the hike when Kara, forgetting she doesn’t have her powers, slips on some wet leaves and branches, causing her to fall, scraping her knee and shin in the process. Lena helps her up and over to a rock she can sit on. Lena rolls her pant leg up to inspect the damage, opening her backpack up to pull out a small first aid kit and starts cleaning off the injury.

“You’re saving me for a second time Lena. I’m really going to owe you after all this,” Kara says, half joking with a grin.

Lena smirks at the joke, before putting just enough peroxide and alcohol on the wound, making Kara wince slightly. “What’s it like when you lose your powers like this? I can’t imagine it is easy for you.” Kara stares down at Lena, pondering her answer for a moment. Lena glances up from her work on the wound, raising an eyebrow. “No, it isn’t easy, but I think it is good for me when it does happen. This is how I was before coming to Earth since on Krypton we had a red sun. But more importantly. It reminds me what it is like for humans on Earth. How vulnerable it feels all the time.” Lena nods in agreement.

As Lena is putting a bandage on the wound that is still slightly bleeding, she notices a scar on Kara’s leg that, while faded, runs the length of her lower leg from her knee to her ankle. She knows that it wouldn’t make sense for Supergirl to scar though. Lena’s curiosity gets the better of her, and without thinking she blurts out the question “What happened here?”, as she points to the side of leg where the faded scar is. Kara looks down, seeming to only now realize exactly which leg Lena had been working on. Lena glances up to see Kara looking suddenly very uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have asked.” Lena bumbles out, thinking that she overstepped.

“No… it’s ok.” Kara starts. “I said I wanted to talk about it.” Kara sighs. “You may or may not remember there was a time a few years ago where I switched over to pants. And while I had been asking for pants for a while… I finally got pants more so to hide this scar than anything else…” Kara isn’t sure why she started her story there, she just remembered that’s why she always wears pants now. No matter what. Yes, the scar has faded a lot over the past couple years, but it hasn’t faded completed. And she still keeps wearing pants no matter what. As Kara Danvers and as Supergirl. Lena, sitting down on the rock beside Kara, looks into her blue eyes intently and gives her a small reassuring smile.

“Anyway… um, it was about five years into being Supergirl when I met William. We worked together at Catco. And I should have trusted my gut instincts because my gut originally told me something was off about him… but I didn’t. And instead I pursued a relationship with him after he asked me out… well, he pursued a relationship with me, and I went along with it… We dated for over a year before I told him I was Supergirl. He took the news surprisingly well. And so, I thought I could trust him… He would ask me to tell him stories about Krypton, about the enemies I faced, about kryptonite. I never… it took me some time to realize what was going on. Well, technically I didn’t realize it. Alex did. She finally picked up something was off with me and despite my protests, insisted on running blood analyses…”

Kara trailed off after that, looking down at the ground, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Lena reaches over and instinctively intwines her hand in Kara’s. This causes Kara to look up at her. “Kara, what did William do to you?”

“We were together for over two years before he started doing it Lena… We didn’t know he was capable of something like that... And he got away with it for another year before we figured it out…” Kara trails off, sucking in a few deep breaths trying to maintain her composure. It has been so long since she has talked about this. And she has never had to tell someone the story. Everyone who she has talked about this with was there when it went down. Everyone already knew. Kara, needing a bit of a reprieve from the emotional side of the story, starts to focus on the scientific aspects for a moment. “You know about Kryptonite, right?” Lena nods. Of course, she does. Her brother attempted to synthesize it to kill Superman. “Well, my first year as Supergirl, there was someone who attempted to synthesize it in National City, but they got the formula wrong and created Red Kryptonite instead…”

“What did that do to you Kara?” Lena blurts it out, afraid she already knows the answer. She remembers the news from that year. Supergirl going on a rampage. The city losing faith in her. Lena knew something happened to her. She just didn’t know what. She was thankful it didn’t last long and that it hadn’t seemed to have happened since. Or at least, she didn’t think it had.

“Red Kryptonite essentially turns off my inhibitions in my brain. All my deepest darkest thoughts and impulses comes to the surface and I don’t have the ability to regulate them. I’m not… me.” Kara finishes, hoping that explanation will suffice.

“And William, he used red kryptonite on you?” Lena asks, tentatively. She watches as Kara’s shoulders sag defeated. “Yes and no. He didn’t use a large enough amount to where it was immediately noticeable. Instead, what he did was synthesize it and put small amounts in our food… Just enough to be able to… be suggestive to me and influence my behavior. He began manipulating me. He would also occasionally mix in green kryptonite that would make me feel not quite myself, but not enough that I would realize what was happening… Over time, William became more and more possessive and protective of me too… more controlling… And it’s like I couldn’t quite see what was happening because I was too close to it… to him… I trusted him with everything… my identities… my history… my friends and family… and he used it all against me to manipulative me simply to have me for himself… That was it. There was no greater evil nefarious plot or purpose behind it. William at the end of the day just wanted me for himself. And he knew how to do it. I remember around the two-year mark, thinking I wanted to break up because I didn’t see us going anywhere… And then suddenly not thinking that anymore, but not being able to explain it. I just assumed I had gotten over whatever it was. Turns out, my initial read of William on day one was right, and I should have listened to it.” Kara finishes this sentiment, clearly still mentally and emotionally berating herself for not doing so, even after all this time.

Lena squeezes Kara’s hand and then pulls Kara in for a hug. Kara, unable to hold it back any longer, breaks down sobbing. Lena doesn’t say anything else; she simply holds Kara, rubbing her back with one hand and lets her cry. Kara has been carrying this burden around for so long. No wonder she doesn’t trust people.

It’s during this time that Lena decides she is ready to share her own story with Kara, with the hope that maybe it will give Kara some hope back for herself. It’s a good ten minutes before Kara is all cried out. Sniffling she finally pulls back, giving Lena a gracious smile and a murmured “thank you.” Lena gives her a half smile in return. “Kara, if you’re up for it, I’d like to show you something on the property. It’s about a mile from here.” Kara, intrigued, simply nods. She stands, testing out putting pressure on her leg as Lena puts the first aid kit away and prepares for the walk.

The women walk in silence. Kara is lost in thought, clearly processing a lot of emotions and memories. Lena, meanwhile, is trying to decide how she is going to tell her own story to Kara. It’s about 30 minutes later that the women arrive to a small clearing in the woods. It’s a small, circular, manmade clearing. Kara is surprised to see two tombstones. She looks over at Lena, eyes wide but sad, mouth agape. She is unsure what to say. Lena doesn’t say anything at first, as she approaches the graves, opening the backpack and pulling out some flowers and letters, and putting them on the graves. She smiles sadly before turning around and walking back to Kara. She takes her hand and leads her to the side of the clearing where a bench is located. The women sit as Lena releases Kara’s hand.

“I had been here for two years when Taylor came to work in our department. She was the third female faculty to come work in our department. I was excited to have another female join us given how male dominated the field is… She was someone I had an instant connection with, someone I felt comfortable with and grew close to. It was the first time that had happened in a very long time… and given my family history and how I was raised as a Luthor… well, I didn’t trust it. And in fact, I purposefully tried to avoid her at first. I knew when I went into hiding that I would be living a solo life, I had accepted that. But Taylor, she was persistent.” Lena laughs at a memory as she says this. “So, despite my standoffishness, we quickly became friends. She had a son, Drew. I didn’t realize for the first year of our friendship that she was also into women. We laughed about this for a long time. It took her making the first move for us to become something more than friends…” Lena smiles, her eyes glazing over, lost in another memory. “Anyway, we had five wonderful years together Kara. She taught me to open up again after I had spent years being closed off because of how I was raised and what my family became… It took someone with a kindhearted soul like Taylor to show me what actual love really is. And I could never thank her enough for that.”

Lena finishes the story with a smile, reflecting on how nice it is to actually talk about Taylor and tell someone about her, about them. Lena readjusts her gaze to look at Kara, giving her hand a squeeze so that Kara will return her stare. “Now, the reason I am telling you this story Kara, is because I want you to know that what you had with William, that was not love. Do you hear me? What William wanted with you was possession. People mix up love and possession. But they're opposites really… love and ownership.” Lena says all this as firmly as she can. She needs Kara to hear her, to understand that what she has been through was abuse, not love. Kara’s eyes fill up again with tears as she nods and gives Lena a half smile.

The women sit in silence for a few moments before Kara asks, barely above a whisper, “Lena… how did… they die?”

Lena breathes in deeply. “A drunk driver hit us as we were driving home from dinner one night. Our car slammed into a telephone poll. I don’t remember anything until waking up in the hospital. I was told they both died from the crash… I only happened to survive because I was on the other side of the vehicle when it went over the embankment.”

“I’m so sorry Lena.”

“Thank you, Kara. It has been just over three years now. I still miss them… I’ve learned to live a life without them. I do come out here occasionally to visit them and talk to them. I know Taylor would want me to find happiness and love again. And maybe someday I will.” Lena finishes the last sentiment with a small smile. She learned so much from Taylor, she is so thankful she came into her life.

Kara asks after a few moments of silence “Did she know, who you really were?”

Lena chuckles. “She did actually, even though I never told her. You see for the first five years or so after my faked death, my hair was blond. But somehow, Taylor knew. She brought it up shortly after we had started dating. I freaked out, thought my cover was blown, and that I had to leave town and find a new cover and everything. In reality, she just wanted me to know that she knew, and that she loved me anyway. She didn’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

“Thank you for sharing your story with me Lena.” Kara says this and reaches over giving Lena a lingering hug. Kara has had a swirl of emotions going through her since she awoke on Lena’s couch yesterday. But mostly what she feels right now is gratitude and she hopes that Lena can feel that through the hug. Lena is thankful that she is helping this person heal even just a little bit from everything she has been through.

The women sit on the bench for a short while longer before leaving the clearing. They spend a few more hours exploring the woods and enjoying being in nature before returning to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I know, I broke Kara hard in this story... And I apparently really don't like William lol... But really, she did have a bad feeling about him from the start... The inspiration for this story came into my head from the idea of the Paragon of Hope not having any hope combined with the whole idea that Lena never went to National City (arguable one of the people who gave her hope the most). And it just simply went from there... So yeah... William would have still shown up in her life... I just made him even more of a manipulative a$$ than maybe he is on the show currently (maybe). Also, for those that don't know, there is a point in the comic books that Supergirl is briefly in an abusive relationship with a guy known as Power Boy (he like, stalks her across the universe, gets jealous, knocks her out, kidnaps her, etc., it's real creepy). Anyway, I know this was an intense chapter, it's going to be that way for a little while... So hold on folks! It's going to be rough waters for a little while! As Taylor Swift says, if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara shares a little bit more about her past... Lena is there to comfort and support her as she does. And we get song number 2 from Kara.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Discussing of death/losing a loved one.

Lena awakes the next morning to find Kara already up, sitting by the large balcony windows on the floor in a meditative position with her eyes closed. She isn’t sure whether Kara wants to be disturbed, so she slips by quietly and makes her way to the kitchen. She finds that coffee has already been made. She smiles as she pours herself a cup.

It’s about a half hour later that Kara joins her in the kitchen. Lena sits down the book she has been reading when she hears the footsteps coming into the kitchen.

“Good morning Lena,” Kara greets her with a half-smile, making her way over to the coffee.

“Hi Kara. Thank you for making the coffee this morning,” Lena says nodding toward her cup on the table in front of her. Kara blushes, forgetting what it’s like to be genuinely appreciated for something she does. She nods and she pours her own cup before walking over to the table to join Lena.

“I saw you in the living room this morning but it appeared you were meditating so I tried not to disturb you,” Lena says, wanting to ask about Kara’s morning ritual but unsure if she should.

Kara eyes her pensively as she takes a sip of her own coffee. “I was praying to Rao, something I haven’t done in a very, very long time.”

“Rao?” Lena asks, eyebrow raised.

“Rao would be the Kryptonian equivalent to the Earthly God, our Sun,” Kara explains. “I had much to think about after our adventure yesterday Lena. While I grew up in the science guild in Krypton, prayer was still an intricate part of our lives. When I came to Earth, Rao stayed with me, helped me during times of doubt or great struggle. But I lost faith when… when I lost someone close to me.” Kara’s eyes glisten with unwept tears as she thinks back on this memory, still fresh in her mind, like it happened yesterday.

“I never actually told you how I got the scar on my leg yesterday” Kara says quietly after a moment. Lena observes her, knowing this is related to her previous statement. She knows that the relationship with William, while perhaps not part of some grand evil plot, apparently had direct consequences for Kara as Supergirl. She lost someone.

“No… you didn’t.” Lena reaches across the table, interlocking her fingers with Kara’s, she continues talking, “But, I am here if you would like to share the rest of the story now.”

Kara looks at their hands and then up into Lena’s emerald eyes for a long moment. She hasn’t talked about this day with anyone, not really in a way that Lena is offering to let her talk about it. With Alex, she had to talk about it so they could write up the report for the DEO. And then they never talked about it again. With Nia, it was more about helping Nia process her emotions than it was about Kara’s emotions. Because Kara is the Kryptonian who has survived so much. Surely, she can handle one more loss…

Kara sighs, looking back down at her coffee, realizing that for the first time since it has happened that she actually feels ready to talk about it. Maybe it’s because Lena wasn’t directly involved in what happened. Maybe it’s because Lena has done nothing but show Kara kindness and understanding. Maybe it’s because Kara is feeling more human. Maybe it’s all these things or none of them. She can’t be sure. Regardless, she doesn’t question it. She takes another breath and tells Lena the story.

“It was right before we figured out what William was doing, but after Alex had started to notice changes in me. I was more distant, starting to cut myself off from her and our other friends. I got an alert one night while with William that there was an attack downtown. J’ohnn had gotten on comms and said he was responding. But he was the only one at first. I knew I needed to go; I knew it deep down. And when I told William, I remember him saying ‘just one bite of dessert before you go!’ with that big goofy smile he used on me. I couldn’t say no to that. What I didn’t know at the time, was with dessert came a dose of red and green kryptonite. I took a bite and afterward he tried to convince me that J’ohnn would be fine without me. I argued with William about it, of course. I tried to explain that we were family and while he might be ok, it was better if I went just to be safe. But in the past, I wouldn’t have stood there and argued about it, I would have just left. It took hearing J’ohnn on comms, in distress… no, in pain, for me to snap out of the stupor I was in. I was gone without another word… But by the time I got there, J’ohnn was wounded and pinned down. He put on a brave face and told me to save the hostages. I didn’t know how bad he was hurt, otherwise I would have flown him out of there... So, I did what he asked and went on the attack. The enemy were a group of anti-alien terrorists left over from a group we thought we had disbanded a couple years prior… Anyway, they came prepared, somehow, with weapons to hurt me specifically. I think now though, that the Kryptonite from William had already weakened me, and had been regularly weakening me without my knowledge. So, when I was in battle with the humans and one of them managed to strike me in the leg with a weapon, I went down hard. Luckily, Alex showed up with several DEO agents and with Dreamer as backup right around this time. Because the last thing I remember was looking at my leg, covered in blood tinted with green… And when I woke up the next day, I woke up to the news that I had lost J’ohnn, the only father figure I had left in my life.”

“Oh Kara, I am so sorry,” Lena says squeezing her hand before moving from her seat to come give Kara a hug. Kara, leaning into the hug, lets the tears fall as Lena holds her. Despite the awkward positioning Lena put herself in, she holds steady, knowing this is what Kara needs right now. Someone to simply be there for her. Though this happened a couple years ago, she clearly has never grieved the loss of such an important person in her life.

It’s a good five minutes before Kara finally pulls back from Lena, sniffling. She looks at Lena with questioning eyes but doesn’t say anything. Lena can see it though, the debate happening right now behind the beautiful blue eyes, whether to ask whatever it is she is thinking of asking of Lena.

“Kara, what do you need, right now, in this moment? You can tell me, I’m here for you.”

Kara looks away for a moment, trying to calm herself down, unsuccessfully. She knows she has another round of tears coming, she can feel it. “Would it be ok if we just, went and sat down together somewhere more comfortable and you just… held me?” Kara can barely get out the last two words of the question, they are barely a whisper. She can’t remember the last time she asked anyone for such an emotionally intimate gesture. And she has barely known Lena a few days. Yet somehow, she feels like she has known Lena for years. _Maybe it’s the in-depth article I wrote all those years ago,_ Kara thinks to herself, unconvincingly.

Lena doesn’t answer with words, she simply stands back up and puts her hand out, offering it to Kara, who puts her own hand in it. Lena leads Kara to a room that Kara hadn’t been in yet, in the wing past the master bedroom where Lena sleeps. Upon opening the door, Lena takes a deep breath and leads Kara into the room that is clearly a library. It is lined with bookshelves along every wall and all the bookshelves are filled to the brim with books. It’s quite a site to see and normally, Kara would take the time to notice more about the room. Like how there appears to be a layer of dust on the shelves. There are a couple of very comfortable looking chairs and a loveseat in the middle of the room. Lena leads Kara over to the loveseat, sitting down and pulling Kara down with her. As soon as Kara settles in, her head on Lena’s chest, the second round of tears she was fighting come on full force and she lets them come. Lena’s one arm is wrapped around Kara protectively, rubbing soothingly on her back. Her other hand is being held and often squeezed by Kara’s. But Lena doesn’t mind. She knows what it is like to mourn this kind of loss. It can be unbearable at times. So, she just lets Kara do what she clearly needs to do – mourn.

It’s an hour or so before Kara finally drifts off to sleep, exhaustion overtaking her from the rawness of her emotions and all the crying. Lena breathes in and out slowly, continuing to hold Kara, finally letting herself take in the room around her. It has been months since she has come into this room. She avoids it on purpose because it was _their_ room, the room the three of them would spend all Sunday in together, every week, taking turns reading chapters from their favorite books. After their deaths… it became what Lena mockingly called the Crying Room. It was the room Lena felt closest to Taylor and Drew and so she often came here to remember them. It was her mourning room. But as time went on, she felt like she couldn’t come into this room without them, that it was wrong somehow unless it was to mourn them or to miss them. But this, now, with Kara… it seemed right. Taylor would understand, approve even. This became a place for Kara to mourn too.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara wakes up a short while later, taking a moment to remember exactly the events of that morning and where she was, still on Lena who has continued to rub Kara’s back gentle while she slept. Kara slowly sits up, looking sheepishly at Lena, she can feel her own face reddening, unsure of what exactly to say. She feels so out of practice with being vulnerable, being emotional, being human.

Lena, perhaps sensing Kara’s difficulty, smiles gently at her and nods, letting her know that it is okay. Kara takes the reprieve and chooses to stand up and finally looks around the room. Lena watches Kara closely as she peruses each bookshelf, noticing varying subjects ranging from engineering to psychology in one section of the room, to various fiction books ranging from fantasy to historical fiction in another. Kara is amazed by the huge variety of books Lena owns. She also notices the level of dust in this room. Lena clearly doesn’t come in here often. It takes Kara a brief moment, as she comes to a bookshelf full of children and young adult books before it dawns on her that this room might have special meaning to Lena. Kara turns around to find Lena staring at her from the loveseat.

“Lena…” Kara starts, unsure of what to say, her hands gesturing wildly as she tries to find the words to express her gratitude and her sorrow all at the same time.

Lena cuts her off though. “Kara, it’s ok, really… It’s true I don’t come in here much anymore. It was our space, the place in the house where we spent the most time together as a family… But it was also the place I went to mourn them the most. So, it was the place that came to mind when you asked for a place to mourn Kara. And Taylor, she would have understood.”

Kara has subconsciously made her way back to Lena as she talked. Lena gestured to the couch, offering the seat back to Kara, who gives her a questioning look, clearly not wanting to cross any boundaries with Lena now that she knows the significance of the room. Like earlier that day, Lena puts her hand out, palm up and lets Kara decide. It takes Kara less than a second to take the open hand in her own. Lena gentle guides Kara back to the couch.

“Kara, Taylor would have loved you. You two would have been instant friends, no doubt about it. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul… just like her.”

“You really think that?” Kara asks, baffled by Lena’s observation.

Lena stares deeply into Kara’s blue eyes, which appear a deeper blue after all the crying. “Yes Kara, I do. I know that you have experienced more loss and pain than most beings in the universe can fathom. And after the most recent events, that has made you shut down a side of yourself. No one can fault you for that. You did what you had to do. It’s a coping mechanism. You had to do it to survive, to keep going, to keep living. That doesn’t mean you have to stay that way forever. If you don’t want to. Only you get to decide that though.”

Kara isn’t sure how to respond to such a statement. No one has ever told Kara it was okay for her to be the way she was. Sure, folks were “understanding” of the way she was for a short while after losing J’ohnn and the fallout with William. But after a few months, Alex and Nia and everyone expected her to return to her normal self. But she couldn’t. Kara was stuck. She couldn’t open herself up to anyone again like that. There was no way. She accepted that she would be alone for her life and began living her life according to that finality.

And so, life went on. Kara was happy for the others in her life and enjoyed spending time with them. But a part of her was also jealous and angry because she knows she would never have what they had – the perfect game night partner, children, a family. So, she kept her distance as much as she could too. Alex now runs the DEO and has two beautiful children with her wife. Alex was still protective of Kara and still tried to be there for her, but she was also now balancing a full time job with a full time family. Kara easily slipped through the cracks sometimes. Nia was busy training the new Superheroes while also building her career at Catco, no longer really needing a mentor. And while Nia still tried with Kara, she was also busy building her own life, her own reputation, her own legacy. Kara couldn’t fault her for that. So, in a way, Kara let them go. She let everyone go, talking to them when she needed to and that that was it. She went to work at Catco, took care of business, and then spent her evenings wrapped up in painting or in writing music with her guitar. She rarely donned the Supergirl outfit anymore, only in extreme circumstances, like the hurricane that somehow brought her to Lena Luthor.

“I guess I am really lucky I got struck my lightening, huh Lena,” Kara finally says with a half smirk on her face.

“It was something to see,” Lena responds. “I’m just glad you were ok. I’m pretty sure Alex would have definitely found me and blamed me if something worse had happened to you,” Lena says jokingly. The two women fall easily into some banter on the loveseat after that, talking about their siblings and families, more at ease now that the intense emotional moment has again passed.

Despite the ease of the conversation, Lena can tell Kara has something else on her mind. She reaches a leg out and nudges the woman. “You ok?” She asks cautiously. Kara smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I am, I was just thinking that I could play you another song I had written. It is one that really speaks to my own state of mind after the events that I told you about yesterday and today… and I think I am ready for someone to hear it.”

“I’d love to hear it Kara.” Lena gives her an encouraging smile, causing Kara to jump up and practically jog out of the room for the guitar as she yells “Stay right here!” She returns within a few minutes, guitar in hand. Kara walks in and sits back down on the love seat, taking a moment to tune the guitar to the correct key. She gives Lena a small smile. “The song is called hope,” Kara says, taking a few deep breaths, preparing to sing. Lena settles in to listen intensely to the lyrics as Kara starts to sing. Lena is again enamored by the voice of the Kryptonian.

_Man, you really know how to get someone down_

_Everything was fine, until you came around_

_And I've been chasing after dreamers in the clouds_

_After all wasn't I the one who said_

_To keep your feet on the ground_

_Man, you really brought me back down_

_Hold onto hope if you got it_

_Don't let it go for nobody_

_And they say that dreaming is free_

_But I wouldn't care what it cost me_

_You got me tied up, but I stay close to the window_

_And I talk to myself about the places that I used to go_

_I'm hoping that someday maybe I just float away_

_And forget every cynical thing you said_

_When you gonna hear me out?_

_Man, you really bring me down_

_Hold onto hope if you got it_

_Don't let it go for nobody_

_And they say that dreaming is free_

_But I wouldn't care what it cost me_

_Reality will break your heart_

_Survival will not be the hardest part_

_It's keeping all your hopes alive_

_All the rest of you has died_

_So let it break your heart_

_Hold onto hope if you got it_

_Don't let it go for nobody_

_Hold onto hope if you got it_

_Don't let it go for nobody_

_And they say that dreaming is free_

_But I wouldn't care what it cost me_

Kara finishes with a soft strum on the guitar, looking over the Lena who has a glint of tears in her eyes.

“Lena…” Kara says in shock, not sure what else to say at her reaction. Lena though, shakes her head and wipes the tears from her eyes. “No, Kara, that was amazing, truly. The battle is internal, the struggle with oneself to stay hopeful or to give up all together… I… I know that battle well.”

Kara’s jaw is slightly ajar. She is again left speechless. Because yes, that is exactly what the song is about. For Kara, it was the difficulties between being Supergirl and being Kara Danvers and having one of her personas dreaming big while the other had to stay on the ground, and how suddenly both were crashing and lost hope. For Kara, she never did quite find that hope again. She never thought those lyrics would resonate so strongly with another person though. But here, with Lena, sharing the song for the first time, she understands it perfectly.

“Thank you for letting me share that with you Lena,” Kara finally says in response. “It means the world to me to be able to share something so personal and have someone understand it so deeply and so well.” Kara gives Lena a genuine smile. Lena smiles in return. “I’m thankful you felt comfortable enough to share it with me Kara.”

Kara’s face lights up at the comment because it’s true. She hasn’t felt this comfortable around someone in such a long time. She reflects back on her thoughts from a few hours ago and just how she feels like she knows Lena so well, even though they have only spent a few days together. “How about some brunch?” She finds herself asking Lena, instead of telling her what she actually wants to tell her, afraid she will freak Lena out… and maybe afraid she will freak herself out a little bit too if she acknowledges her own thoughts out loud…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is another Paramore song, the real title is "26" but I changed it to make more sense for the story. Here is a link to the actual song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ju7T4J1qbc. It's definitely worth a listen. I imagine Kara singing it very similar to how the band does it. Warning though, it's a sad sad song (there are videos of Hayley Williams, the lead singer, crying as she tries to sing it live...).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara have brunch, some self-reflections, and more conversations...

Upon Kara’s insistence, Lena lets her take the lead on making brunch. Kara makes them breakfast tacos – tater tots, eggs, some veggies on soft tortillas. While Lena was skeptical at first, she admits to Kara they are quite delicious, which makes Kara grin proudly.

The two women enjoy a quaint brunch. Lena is surprised at how easy it is to fall into conversation with Kara Danvers. Lena hasn’t had that experience in… well, since Taylor. That realization surprises and then concerns Lena. She can’t go getting attached to Kara. She knows it is only a matter of time before Kara leaves. No sense in getting used to her being around.

Kara has had similar thoughts pass through her mind as well. She keeps reflecting on how naturally comfortable she feels being around Lena. And how strange that is for her. When Kara landed on Earth, it took her so long to feel comfortable in her own skin with her new powers, let alone trying to feel comfortable around other people. Kara and Alex didn’t get along well at first. But they did eventually bond and have been tight ever since. Winn was one of the first people she felt truly comfortable around, which is why she so easily confided in him about her true identity. She never felt pressure with Winn, even when he admitted to having a crush on her, Kara knew she didn’t have romantic feelings for him. She knew she loved him as a brother, like how she felt for Alex. With Mon El, he knew who she was from the beginning because he met her as Supergirl and then got to know her as Kara later. Even so, it took her a long time to feel comfortable with him. Of course, both Winn and Mon El went into the future.

And then there was William. Again, it took Kara a while to feel comfortable with him. Kara felt this awkwardness with him. It took her so long to get that feeling to go away. And maybe it never really did. Maybe that was the low doses of red and green kryptonite in her system…

Kara finishes her brunch and eyes Lena, who has clearly also been lost in her own thoughts. She takes a moment to reflect on the fact that they can sit here chatting easily or they can sit here together in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Both things seem to be ok… seem so natural. It’s weird.

“Hey… Lena?” Kara finally asks, pulling Lena back from her thoughts and into the present moment.

Lena turns her head to face Kara, green eyes staring into blue. “Yes?”

“Do you ever wonder about what it would have been like?” Kara implores.

Lena’s eyebrow raises, trying to follow Kara’s thought process. “What do you mean?”

“If you had still come to National City…” Kara looks away as she says it, like she is afraid to hear the answer.

Lena half smiles, finally understanding the question. “When I first got here, everyday Kara. I followed Supergirl’s activities and my family’s activities closely. And once you wrote the article about me, I also started following you more closely. I paid attention to everything that I could… Slowly, over time, after the first year or so, I started to settle into my life here and accept that perhaps I did make the right decision. It helped me sleep a lot at night once Supergirl caught my mother and closed down Cadmus.” This comment causes Kara to smile at a memory that feels like it is from so long ago. She looks up to see Lena smiling at her. “With both Lillian and Lex in jail, I started to focus more on my life here. And soon enough Taylor was here, and I had my own family. And life was good… Until I lost them. For a long time after that I went back to questioning my decision. I often wondered if Taylor and Drew would still be alive if they had never met me… Those kinds of thoughts plagued me for a long time after they died. It took me quite some time to accept the fact that whatever alternative timeline I might have lived, this is the one I had chosen as this Lena. And I had five wonderful years together with Taylor and Drew that I am thankful for. Nowadays, I focus on my work and mentoring my students to go out and do good in the world. You know, when I’m not busy rescuing superheroes.” Lena finishes the last bit, poking Kara in the forearm, eliciting another smile from Kara.

“Do you think Mxy would show us the original timeline?” Kara asks Lena, eyes pleading.

Lena gives Kara a sympathetic smile. “I wish I had all the answers Kara. I don’t even know how one summons a fifth dimensional being to ask such a thing…” Lena trails off, knowing she left out one key piece of the story that she told Kara the day before. Fidgeting with her hands anxiously, Lena decides to rip that band aid off and be fully open with Kara.

“Kara… I didn’t tell you the complete story of when Mxy came to me that night in my hotel room.” This causes Kara to sit up straighter, her attention fully on Lena. “What do you mean?” She beseeches.

Lena takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly before she answers. “The true reason I apparently sent Mxy back to change the timeline… is because you had died.”

“What? How?” Kara sputters shocked by this new information.

“Mxy wasn’t up for giving me a lot of details of the events. But… what he told me was that shortly after I moved to National City, you, as in, Kara Danvers, and I became friends while I would sometimes work alongside Supergirl. But for a long time, I didn’t know you were one in the same. And someone told me the truth before you could. And that led to a massive falling out between us. And while we did eventually repair our relationship… there were some other consequential events that occurred following that, which resulted in your death. Mxy didn’t tell me how you died, just that you died, and I had failed to save you. And so, me, in that timeline, figured out that the one way to prevent your death was to make sure I never move to National City in the first place.”

“How long? How long did I wait to tell you? Or before you found out?”

“Three years.”

“Oh… wow.”

“Yeah… so, my point is that, I had a very good reason for sending him to the past to change my course of actions. Whether right or wrong, whether this current timeline of events is better or worse… It is reality now. I’m not sure how seeing that alternative reality would be helpful.”

Kara regards Lena, eyeing her closely, debating whether to share her thoughts on the matter. Or whether this should be something she does on her own. Because despite where Lena is in acceptance of her life and her past, Kara isn’t there yet. She is far from it. Kara smiles at Lena but doesn’t say anything else, dropping the subject altogether.

They finish up brunch and Kara takes the lead on cleaning up, insisting that she still owes Lena for taking her in while she recovers her powers. Lena smiles graciously and excuses herself from the kitchen area to use the bathroom.

Kara discovers her powers have returned while doing the dishes, when she accidentally bends a spoon, breaking it in half. She blushes a deep red even though Lena still hasn’t returned. Kara, thinking she would feel better now that her powers are returning, reflects that she actually feels a bit disappointed that they came back so quickly. That means she can head back to National City, back to her life. It means saying goodbye to Lena.

Kara sighs while she finishes up the dishes. She finds herself meandering back to her bedroom and picking up the guitar Lena leant her. She strums a few random chords and stares blankly out the window for a few minutes before finally starting to play one of her more recently written songs. Kara doesn’t see Lena, who walks up to the door as soon as Kara starts to sing and freezes, quickly entranced again by the haunting voice of Kara Danvers.

_It's not simple to say_

_That most days I don't recognize me_

_That these shoes and this apron_

_That place and its patrons_

_Have taken more than I gave them_

_It's not easy to know_

_I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true_

_I was never attention's sweet center_

_I still remember that girl_

_She's imperfect, but she tries_

_She is good, but she lies_

_She is hard on herself_

_She is broken and won't ask for help_

_She is messy, but she's kind_

_She is lonely most of the time_

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_

_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

_It's not what I asked for_

_Sometimes life just slips in through a back door_

_And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true_

_And now I've got you_

_And you're not what I asked for_

_If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back_

_For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two_

_For the girl that I knew_

_Who'll be reckless, just enough_

_Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up_

_When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love_

_And then she'll get stuck_

_And be scared of the life that's inside her_

_Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her_

_To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes_

_That's been gone, but used to be mine_

_Used to be mine_

_She is messy, but she's kind_

_She is lonely most of the time_

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_

_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

Kara finishes the song, still singing toward the window. Lena, still standing at the doorway, knocks once to let Kara know she is there. Kara, assuming she heard at least part of the sung, slumps her shoulders and turns around as she sighs.

“Hey Lena.” Kara tries to not sound sad, but the mood from the song she just sung hangs in the air between them. “You ok?” Lena’s green eyes are piercing Kara’s dull blue eyes, trying to read her soul. “Yeah… my powers are back… mostly.” Kara says dejectedly. Lena takes a few steps into the room towards Kara. “That’s good news… right?” Kara looks up to Lena and puts on a clearly fake smile. “Yeah, I should be able to fly back to National City in a few hours.”

Lena eyes Kara carefully, sitting down beside her on the bed, she takes the guitar from Kara’s hands. Lena sets the guitar on the bed behind them before taking Kara’s hands in her own. Kara, completely baffled by Lena’s forwardness, simply stares.

“Kara, the offer still stands. You are welcome to stay as long as you like, powers or no.” Lena says it in a soft, understanding voice. Like she can tell Kara is hesitant about returning to National City. “Lena… I don’t get you.” Kara blurts it out without thinking, causing Lena to laugh a little. “What don’t you understand Darling?” Lena asks it sincerely, trying to understand what exactly Kara is talking about.

Kara takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Looking back out the window, Kara whispers, “I ruined your life.” Lena pauses, unsure how to process the sentence that just came out of the other woman’s mouth. She doesn’t quite understand how to comprehend how Kara could think such a thing. She finally asks, “Kara… what are you talking about?”

Kara, eyes filled with tears she is refusing to let herself cry, turns back to look at Lena. “I caused you so much pain in another life that you sent a fifth dimensional being back in time to change reality to the point that we never met.” Kara can’t keep eye contact with Lena as she finishes the statement. She again looks away, this time to the floor, focusing on not letting herself cry.

Lena has had enough. She takes her one hand from Kara’s and puts it under Kara’s chin, forcing her to look back at Lena. Kara, despite getting her powers back, doesn’t have the will to fight Lena right now. “You listen to me Kara Danvers. Those people, the Lena and Kara from that other reality that hurt each other to the point of being utterly and completely broken – they are not us. They aren’t. You have never hurt me in my life, EVER. Do you hear me?” Kara stares into Lena’s eyes for a moment, unwavering before she finally nods. Tears start to stream down her face as she is unable to hold them back any longer. Lena, seeing the despair and utter loneliness in the other woman for all she has lost and all the guilt she carries with her every day, pulls her in for a hug. Kara unleashes pain, guilt, and anguish she has been holding onto for longer than she cares to admit. It comes out in choked sobs onto Lena’s shoulder. Lena rubs Kara’s back and lets her cry.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They stay that way for well over an hour. When Kara finally pulls away, still sniffling, she gives Lena a small smile and head nod. Lena squeezes her hands gently. “I think I’d like to lay down for a little while before heading back, if that’s ok.” Kara says it like it’s a question for Lena. “Of course, Kara, whatever you need.” Lena says it firmly so that Kara knows she means it. Kara looks at her apprehensively, but only for a moment. “Would you lay down with me?”

Lena nods with a small smile as she turns and removes the guitar from the bed. She lets Kara lay down first and then lays down next to her. Kara turns to face her, blue eyes imploring, asking for something more. Lena isn’t sure what, but she nods anyway. Kara then snuggles into Lena, laying her head on Lena’s chest, so Lena wraps her arm around Kara, and again starts to rub lightly across Kara’s back, attempting to lull her to sleep. Lena takes in the Kryptonian, her scent, her muscular body, her long blond hair, her haunted blue eyes. Without questioning the urge or thinking it through, she places a gentle kiss on Kara’s head. Lena’s mind starts racing at the implications of the intimate act after she does it though she doesn’t say anything about it out loud. Lena knows Kara showed up here troubled and while maybe she is a little bit less so, she is still carrying a lot of baggage with her. She just hopes she helped her come to terms with a little bit of her past while she was here. Lena lets out a sigh, releasing her own tense feelings from the morning, as she attempts to drift off to sleep.

Kara doesn’t react or say anything either. And while Lena doesn’t know it, Kara’s mind also starts racing, wondering about the implications and what Lena meant by the kiss to her head. She knows it has been a very emotional couple of days and that Lena has been so understanding and supportive. Maybe Lena was just extending her support. Or maybe it means more to Lena. Kara closes her eyes and tries to focus on falling asleep instead of on the forehead kiss, attempting to shift her focus instead to how it feels to be wrapped up in Lena’s arms. But that also makes Kara panic a little bit internally as she starts to question the implications of what that means for her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Lena wakes up, she knew something was wrong because she was cold. And Kara ran very warm. Kara wasn’t there anymore. And when Lena takes one look around the room, she learns all she needed to know… Kara had returned to National City without saying goodbye.

Lena drags herself out to the kitchen to make herself some tea. It's there that she finds a note by the coffeepot.

_Dear Lena,_

_I’m sorry for sneaking off while you are sleeping, I really am. It’s been so long since I’ve been this close, this vulnerable with someone… and if I’m being honest, it scares me. Not because of who you are, but because of who I am, of who I have become. There are so many things I wanted to say to you, but I was concerned it would freak you out… and so I guess I am opting for this crappy goodbye letter instead… I want you to know that I’m concerned that if I didn’t leave now, I might not ever leave, because being with you is like being around my own personal sun. I’m not sure how you did it, but you seem to understand me better than even my closest friends and family. You knew exactly what to say at any given moment, even when it was hard for me to hear it. And that terrifies me. But it also makes me want to hold you and never let go. Which again terrifies me… You see my predicament here, right?_

_Please know I don’t do this lightheartedly and I will think of you and our short time together as I return home. Who knows, maybe I’ll even write a song about it. I’m leaving my phone number for you; in case you want to reach out. But I also understand if you don’t._

_With love,_

_Kara_

_P.S._ _I won’t tell a soul who you are, I promise. Not even Alex._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is She Used to be Mine by Sara Bareilles (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53GIADHxVzM).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara returns to National City and makes some major life decisions...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapters are a bit Kara-centric. This girl has some things to work through! Plus, we get to see more of Alex and maybe some other characters... :)

Kara touches down, climbing through the window into her apartment, looking around and letting out a long, ragged breath. She immediately goes to her couch and opens her laptop that was sitting on the coffee table, not bothering to alert anyone that she is back. Kara is already feeling the same dread and angst returning to her body. The same feelings she has been carrying around with her for so long now. She decides to let Alex and Nia think she comes back tomorrow morning, still feeling torn about the way she left Lena. It was a hasty decision, Kara knows. She ran from the intense connection she was feeling because Kara Zor El cannot have those kinds of connections, she figured that out a long time ago. Not because she doesn’t want them or isn’t emotionally capable of having them, but because in the end, the consequences are always too great to bear. And she can’t do it again. Not as the person she is right now. Not as the person she has become. Kara starts to search on the computer as she comes to terms with the fact that she might have just ruined things with one of the most kindhearted beautiful souls she has ever met. She left things in Lena’s hands, on purpose. Kara has to know if the comfortableness she feels with Lena, the connection, all of it, is one sided. If it is, Lena will likely never contact her again and so be it. But if it isn’t, and Lena also feels it. That means that maybe, eventually, she will reach out to Kara. And then maybe they can be friends. Or something more? Kara wasn’t sure exactly. But in the meantime, Kara knew what she needed to finally do.

Which is how, a week later, Kara finds herself sitting in the office of a psychologist who specializes in trauma and domestic violence. Kara fidgets with her phone in her hand as she sits in the waiting area where it is only her and a receptionist. Kara knows she is a half hour early and keeps thinking about bolting, but she knows she can’t. She needs to do this. She needs to talk about what happened. So, Kara stays rooted in the chair.

She thinks back to a few days ago, when she told Alex she had made the appointment to see someone…

_Alex’s eyes immediately filled up with tears and she pulled Kara into a hug. Kara hadn’t told anyone about her new friend she made while in Mississippi. But Alex had noticed Kara’s slight change in demeanor. It seemed Kara finally had a small spark of hope again. Kara telling Alex about going to therapy was the final piece of evidence that Alex needed to finally say something to her._

_“Oh Kara… I’m so proud of you… But I will need to do a thorough background check on this person and have them sign some NDRs…” Alex says with a smile on her tear-stained face as she pulls back from the hug. Kara looks down but smiles slightly. Alex, always the protective sister, has her best interests at heart._

_“Thanks Alex,” she says softly. Alex looks at her sister, debating whether to say anything. Alex has felt like she walks on eggshells around Kara for years now, as it became clear that Kara just didn’t want to talk about certain subjects or people. They all missed J’onn dearly, he really was a father to Alex and Kara. But Alex knows Kara blames herself. Alex though, blames the person who really is responsible – William._

_Alex decides to start by asking a question that is potentially benign. “Kara, what did you do on your minivacation in Mississippi?” Alex knows something happened though. She knows something changed for Kara during her trip. And it’s confirmed when Kara’s eyes go wide for a moment before she makes her face neutral again._

_“I didn’t do much… played some guitar… went for a walk in the woods… made breakfast tacos…” Kara rambles off a few of the activities she did with Lena, leaving out the part that she did these things with another person._

_But Alex is a DEO agent. She is perceptive._

_“By yourself?”_

_Kara, looking down at her feet, mentally argues with herself. Alex will know if she is lying, but she can’t tell Alex about Lena. Alex will think Kara is in danger. And Kara knows she isn’t. So, Kara goes with as close to the truth she can, without revealing Lena’s true identity._

_“Actually, no… I… I met someone.”_

_Bingo Alex thinks to herself. “Oh?” She asks nonchalantly. “Like, a guy?”_

_“Actually, a woman. Her name is Lee.” Kara says smiling, remembering how they first met during the hurricane. She finally looks at Alex who is smirking back at her._

_“What, Alex? You’ve known for years I’m pansexual.”_

_Alex puts her hands up, palms facing Kara, signaling surrender. “I know that. But you’ve never actually dated a woman.”_

_“First off, we aren’t dating.”_

_“But you made breakfast tacos?” Alex leaves the unsaid part of the statement implied and just smiles at Kara. Kara, full on blushing now, realizes the corner she has backed herself into. Yes, Alex knows she blew her powers out. She didn’t know about the mysterious woman rescuing her though._

_“Ok ok, it wasn’t like that! Look, she found me when I blew my powers out…”_

And so, Kara told Alex all about her couple days with Lee, leaving out the part where Lee is actually Lena Luthor. And the part where Lee knows that Supergirl is Kara Danvers.

_“Kara… you left a note?” Kara grimaces and nods. Alex shakes her head. “Well, have you heard from her yet?” Kara sighs and shakes her head from side to side but only once, curling up one side of her lip and shrugging her shoulder._

_“Well, it’s only been a few days. I’m sure she just needs some time to process.” Alex tries her best to reassure Kara, who gives a half smile in return. The truth is Kara isn’t really sure what Lena will do. But she knows she has to focus on herself for now._

“Kara Danvers?” Kara is pulled from her thoughts upon hearing her name. She looks up to see woman around her age, poking her head out of the office door, giving Kara a gentle smile. Kara nods, stands up, and heads into the office for her first session. Kara walks in behind the woman. The office is medium sized. It has a desk off to the side with a computer on it. In the center is a couch with a coffee table and a couple of chairs. The furniture looks very comfortable. Kara stands at the door, unsure of where to go.

“You can sit wherever you like,” the woman says, pointing to the couch and chairs. Kara opts for the couch. The woman closes the door and follows Kara, sitting across from her in one of the open chairs. “Let me introduce myself, I am Dr. Lindsey Holten. Before we get started today, I wanted to talk to you about confidentiality to make sure we are on the same page with that. Everything we talk about is confidential, though there are a few exceptions to that.” Lindsey goes on to discuss when she is required to break confidentiality. “And, as you know, I met with your sister yesterday. Given her position within the government, she thought it prudent that I not only adhere to my own code of ethics but also the government’s NDA’s. I take it that means you may be discussing your sister and some of her work throughout our time together?” Lindsey has been looking at Kara the entire time she has been talking. Kara, feeling nervous, has been mostly looking at her hands, which are in her lap. She has been repeatedly rubbing her thumb of her left hand over the palm of her other hand. With the question, Kara sighs, knowing she will have to get into exactly _why_ her therapist had to actually sign the NDA.

“Yes, we will probably talk about Alex and her work. But that isn’t the only reason she had to have you sign the NDA…” Kara says, glancing up briefly at Lindsey before looking back down. “I also work with the DEO…” When Kara doesn’t immediately explain, Lindsey waits. The silence seems to press in on Kara. She looks up at Lindsey who is giving her a half smile, clearly waiting on her to continue. “I mean, I work at Catco as Kara Danvers, which I’m sure you know from what I put on my paperwork… but that is just part of who I am… I… I am… I am also Supergirl.” Kara stands up at that moment and takes off her glasses, letting the nanobot suit form around her. She stands there looking at Lindsey, she smiles and shrugs her shoulders. Lindsey’s eyes go wide for a moment. She doesn’t say anything right away, she simply stares at Kara. After a few minutes of standing there awkwardly, Kara taps her glasses, putting them back on as the suit decompresses. She sits back down as Kara Danvers.

“Well… that does explain a lot with how Alex behaved yesterday…” Lindsey finally remarks. “She is very protective of me,” Kara states. This comment seemed to help Lindsey refocus. “I can see that.” Lindsey says, smiling at Kara who returns the gesture. It’s clear to Lindsey that the two share a close bond. “Well, I usually like to start by asking if you can tell me a little bit about what made you decide to come see me today?” Kara looks down, suddenly interested in her shoes. “Um… well, I had a few things happen in my life a couple years ago… and I’ve really just been unable to move forward… I’ve been stuck…”

Kara spends the rest of her first session talking to Lindsey about William and then about losing J’onn. She even mentions Mon El briefly. Lindsey doesn’t talk much after that, though towards the end of session, she does ask Kara one more question. “Kara, I am curious… why now?” Kara, not understanding the question, tilts her head at Lindsey. “What do you mean?” Lindsey thinks how to reframe the question for a moment before she speaks. “Well, from what you have told me, it’s been a couple of years since you discovered the abuse from William and the loss of J’onn. It’s been a few years that you have felt stuck. What has changed in your life recently that made you decide to come see me now?” Kara’s eyes go wide for a moment, finally understanding the question. She debates on how best to answer it, knowing that she must be honest with Lindsey for this process to work, but also wanting to protect Lena.

“I was helping with the hurricane that hit the southeast a couple weeks ago. While I was there, I had an accident and lost my powers for a few days…” Kara has to pause and explain to Lindsey about the solar flare process before she can continue her story. “Anyway, I was rescued by a woman who I had met the day before. We ended up spending a couple of days together, just talking about our lives… and… and it made me realize some things… When I came back home, I knew it was time for me to finally try to move forward, to try to deal with and process what happened to me.” Lindsey nods in understanding. “It sounds like the trip, while it may have been for a negative reason, brought about some positive outcomes in your life then.” Kara half smiles at the remark. “I know we are out of time for today, would you like to schedule a time for next week?”

And so, Kara begins going to therapy once a week with Lindsey. They decide together to focus first on what happened with William, since Kara’s guilt with J’onn’s death relates back to her relationship with William. It’s in her second session that Lindsey also asks Kara about going to a group therapy that is for survivors of domestic violence. Kara is hesitant to commit to that, thinking her experience is just so unique, but she agrees to give it a try at least once anyway, thinking it couldn’t hurt. And besides, maybe she would make a new friend.

Kara starts going to group therapy once a week the following week. Kara doesn’t really talk at group for the first few sessions, but she does keep going back. Because, while the specific experiences are all different for the women, their emotions and reactions and what they are doing now are all very similar. Here they all are now, attempting to put their lives back together. And the women are all in different places, which is amazing to see for Kara, who is just beginning this journey. After the second group session, Kara is helping herself to some snacks instead of running out the door like last time, when one of the group members approaches her. Kara knows it’s a woman by the name of Harley. She speaks often in group and is clearly way ahead of Kara in terms of dealing with her abusive toxic relationship history with the way she can talk about everything.

“Hey, you’re Kara, right? The newest group member?” Kara turns and nods as she shoves a cookie in her mouth, hoping to avoid talking a few seconds longer. “I’m Harley, one of the more… senior members here at this point. I tried to catch you last week, but you left before I was able to introduce myself.” Kara swallows the food and puts her hand out to shake. “It’s nice to meet you Harley.” Harley shakes Kara’s hand firmly.

“I just wanted to say, no matter what your story is Kara, that you are among friends here. We have all been through different experiences. The point of this group isn’t to relive those terrible awful things or try to show who had it the worst or whatever. The point is to talk about how we can cope with what happened in a healthy way, how we can reclaim our lives and move forward and find happiness again. The point is to see that none of us are alone in our experiences because, no matter how different they are from one woman to another, there are so many similarities underlying them. And so, we come here once a week to make sure we know we are supported and, to give support to others like us.” Kara, unsure of what to really say to this, just nods. “And hey, if you aren’t a big talker, that’s ok too. There is no pressure to share your story.”

“I used to be… a big talker.” Kara blurts it out, without even thinking. “Well, I hope you will be able to find yourself again and that this group helps you with that process.” Harley says it so genuinely that Kara actually believes that she means it. “Well, I would stay and chat with you Kara, but I have to get going. I am meeting some friends soon to go axe throwing.” Harley says with a wide grin. Kara finds it rather endearing and she chuckles as she says, “Sounds fun, enjoy your evening.” And with that, the two say goodnight. Kara smiles as she leaves group, thinking that maybe, just maybe, she will get something out of coming here after all.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that second group session, Alex calls Kara to ask her how it went. Kara mentions meeting Harley and the delicious cookies but doesn’t share anything else. Kara still had a lot swirling around in her head from group that day. One of the members had talked about confronting her abuser in court when she testified that week and how that had felt. This is probably what prompted Kara’s request of Alex.

“Alex, I need to see him.”

“Who?” Alex asks, though she knows exactly who Kara is talking about. “William.” Alex sighs on the phone, though internally she is a proud of her little sister. She hasn’t said his name around Alex in years. Even so, that doesn’t mean she thinks this is a good idea. “Kara…” She starts but is quickly cut off. “No, Alex, you can’t talk me out of this. I need to see him, and you know where he is.” Alex sighs again, letting out a defeated breath. She thinks back to what happened, trying to decide how to proceed.

_Alex had started to notice Kara pulling away. It was small things at first like being late to sister’s night and then leaving early. But then she started missing game nights altogether. And taking longer and longer to show up as Supergirl. It was only by minutes… but still, Alex could tell something had changed. She just couldn’t figure out what. And then J’onn died. And Alex couldn’t fall apart, not yet. Because she heard the fight between Kara and William. She didn’t mean to, but Kara forgot to switch off the comms. She heard everything. And that’s when she realized something was going on with William. So, instead of mourning the loss of her space dad, Alex tried to convinced Kara to let her run some additional tests. And sure enough, there were low levels of red and green kryptonite in her blood and digestive track. Things that shouldn’t have been once she recovered from the fight. Kara was in denial that William would do this to her, at first. It wasn’t until Alex caught William red-handed with the substances and tested some of the food a week after J’onn died that Kara finally believed her. Alex thought Kara would be mad, would storm off and try to throw William into the sun. Alex sure was furious. She wasn’t sure she would be able to talk Kara out of doing it, if she was being honest with herself. But that isn’t what happened. She saw it in Kara’s eyes as her sister sank to the floor of the DEO and pulled her legs up to her chest. Her entire world shattered. She lost trust in one of the few people she trusted in her life. Someone she thought she loved and that she thought loved her._

_William broke Kara._

_She didn’t move from the floor of the DEO for hours. Alex sent a small strike team to arrest William. She locked him away at one of the deepest, darkest, most secret DEO sites she could without arising suspicious. He is human after all. Alex wrote up the false report herself to justify it all. William Dey attacked Supergirl using red and green kryptonite and they confiscated a stockpile of kryptonite and several dozen bombs and other alien tech that he had planned to weaponize and use against civilians, human and alien. The DEO was able to stop it before it got out of control. Supergirl was safe. William was locked away. Her superiors seemed happy with the outcome and didn’t question it. William was unfit to be in society and could be kept secure at a DEO facility._

_Alex had a harder time explaining that Supergirl was pretty much retired after that. But she did what she had to do for her sister. Nia stepped up a lot. She took over as the main hero in National City. And Kara became a shell of herself. Alex tried so many times to reach her. So did Nia. Every time though, Kara seemed to put up more and more walls around herself. She went back to work at Catco and even became editor-in-chief. She would join Alex for dinner when Alex asked her to. She would eat lunch with Nia if Nia brought her food and sat in her office with her to eat. But they both knew, they could see that even when Kara smiled, the smile never reached her eyes. She was faking happy. She was pretending for their sake. And no matter what they said or did, it didn’t seem like anyone could reach her. Even Brainy tries. Maggie also comes around again after hearing what happened to check on little Danvers. But no one can seem to quite reach her. And eventually, after months and months of trying, they start to give Kara space and time, thinking that maybe that will help…_

_It doesn’t._

_It isn’t until she comes back from her trip to the Southeast that something has seemed to change for Kara._

It’s that last thought that makes Alex relent and agree to let Kara see William. Maybe she is ready to face her past…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are continuing to enjoy the story! I'm adding in some additional things as I am writing the last few chapters, but I plan to continue to update and add a chapter daily still! :) 
> 
> Come find me twitter or insta if you are so inclined! @forever_angsty.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara confronts William... Also Alex and Kara have a few things to discuss and also maybe some sister bonding finally...

Two days later, Alex takes Kara to a DEO site she has never been to that’s several hours away from National City, deep in the mountains. Alex insists they drive there together. The entire drive, Kara’s mind is racing, her leg bouncing. Alex, the observant agent, takes note of her sister’s nervousness and tries to sooth her by distracting her with stories of her kids’ shenanigans over the weekend. It seems to help. Kara gives her a grateful smile.

As they arrive at the small facility, Alex shows her badge and Supergirl gives them her signature smile. The two exit the vehicle and Alex leads Kara to one of the side buildings, dismissing the guards once they are inside. Kara eyes Alex surprisingly.

Alex gives Kara some context to the facility. “William has no contact with any other prisoners, only the guards, who are changed on a weekly basis, so he never has the same guards for long.” Kara nods but doesn’t say anything as they walk down a hallway, Alex clearly knowing the way, stopping once they reach an unmarked door. She looks cautiously at Kara. “You sure?” She asks one final time. Kara gives her a curt nod, though she can only briefly maintain eye contact with Alex.

Alex opens the door and steps inside.

“Ah, is it already time for my weekly lecture on what a terrible person I am?” The vile voice causes Kara to freeze, panic in her body setting in for a moment. She has to force herself to step through the threshold.

“Actually, no William. You have another guest today.” This gets the man’s attention, who had been laying down on a twin bed, not paying that much attention to the figures who were at his doorway. He sits up slowly, taking in his guests for the first time, having recognized Alex’s voice. His eyes go wide upon seeing Supergirl in the doorway.

“You.” Kara doesn’t say anything, too frozen in shock from seeing the man who broke her so long ago. “Is it your turn to beat up the poor defenseless man? You know she nearly killed me…” William smirks as he looks from Alex and back to Kara. Kara looks at Alex. She never knew. Alex never told her. Alex stands off to the side but doesn’t say anything, doesn’t deny his claim. Kara stores that information away to talk to Alex about later. She turns back toward William who is still smirking.

And for a moment, Kara imagines it, she imagines what it would be like to just kill him. A dozen different ways pass through her brain. She has superpowers. It would be so easy. She could use a fraction of her strength to break his neck or strangle him. She could use her heat vision. She could do it so many different ways. It could be fast or slow.

Kara takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She knows that isn’t her, it never has been. She doesn’t want to kill if she can help it. And while it would be easy, that isn’t the way she wants to face William now, through violence.

“William.” She finally greets him, saying his name with her voice strong and firm. She takes a tentative step toward him. Alex has a hand on her holster though she stays standing near the doorway. William stays seated on his bed. “No? Not here to finally pummel me. Have you finally come to let me out of this black site prison then?” Kara frowns at the man, finally getting a better look at him. He is a shadow of what he used to be, having spent the last couple of years locked up, having limited time outside. His skin is much lighter though he has always been relatively dark-skinned. His hair is longer and unkempt, and he has facial hair, something he never let himself grow when she knew him. He seems smaller too. Kara isn’t sure if he actually is or if her brain had just made the image of him bigger over the last couple of years.

“You know why we can’t let you out William.” Alex chimes in. William visible huffs. “Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll tell the world who Supergirl is.” His devilish grin growing with each word of that sentence, making it clear that he would indeed not keep Kara’s identity secret, consequences be damned. Kara glances back at Alex who shrugs at her in response. She turns back to William. “I just came to ask you… why? Why did you do it?”

The throaty eerie chuckle that comes from William sends shivers down Kara’s back. “Oh, come now, Supergirl. I managed to tame, to control, you, one of the most powerful beings on this planet. And you yourself told me exactly how to do it. How could I not?”

Kara had had enough.

Suddenly, William is up against the wall, Kara’s hand around his throat, his feet inches off the ground. 

Alex takes a half step across the cell and then stops. And waits, her hand still on her holster.

Kara stared up into Williams’s eyes, as if searching for the answers that he was refusing to provide. Her eyes go cold as she finally speaks again, her tone now harsh and detached. “I’ve spent the last three years wondering what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, really see you, I think I understand. There’s just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You’re pathetic and sad and empty. And you’re going to die here.” Kara lets go and William falls to the ground. She turns and walks out of the cell. William brings one hand up to his throat, inspecting the damage with a scowl on his face. He can see the smirk on Alex.

William clears his throat, attempting to speak again. “Alex… it’s unlawful to keep me here. I am a human being.” But his pleas fall on deaf ears, as she turns and walks out the door, locking him back in his room. William lays his head back against the wall as he realizes that any power he ever had over Kara Danvers is completely gone. And with that comes the unsettling thought that he may truly never actually leave this cage.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a quiet ride back to National City. Kara is deep in thought staring out the window while Alex drives and continues to steal glances at her sister. She is unsure what to ask Kara though, so she refrains from talking at all. They pull up to Kara’s apartment and Alex puts the vehicle in park.

“Do you want me to come up for a little while?” Alex asks, hoping they can finally talk about what happened.

Kara gives her sister a small smile and nods, so Alex cuts the engine. They walk up the stairs in silence as Kara lets them in to her apartment. Alex immediately goes to the kitchen and starts making tea. She turns to find Kara sitting on the couch expectantly as she makes her way over and sits down next to her.

“When did you do it?” Kara asks, staring pointedly at the floor.

Alex sighs. She never meant to keep this from Kara. When it happened, Kara was in no state to know about it, but then as time went on, she wasn’t getting better and then so much time had passed, too much time had passed, so she just never told her.

“It wasn’t long after we had him in custody.”

Alex has never killed someone premeditated or in cold blood. But William was as close as she ever came.

_She had just received word that the DEO had arrested William and he was being brought in. Though she had yet to leave Kara’s side. Nia had just arrived though, so it was the perfect moment for Alex to excuse herself and let Nia sit with Kara for a little while, claiming she needed to check on a few DEO matters…_

_She remembers the smug expression on his face as he walked through the DEO in cuffs. She told the guards to take him into interrogation room 3. She told herself she would let him sit for hours without contact from anyone. Just let him stew._

_She lasted ten minutes._

_“Ah, Detective Danvers, so nice of you to drop by.” All pretenses gone now; William was full of nothing but poisonous vile for the sister of Supergirl. Alex closes the door and walks over the table though she doesn’t sit down. “How long?” William smirked at her for a long minute before responding, clearly basking in his glory. “You’ll need to be more specific. How long was I using trace amounts of red and green kryptonite to coerce Supergirl and influence her decisions? Or how long have I broadly been manipulating her?”_

_Alex reaches down to her belt and clicks a small button. Alex turns to confirm the red light on the camera in the room does indeed to out. She turns back to William. “Last chance.” William, however, still unafraid, wears the smirk on his face. “It was too easy… she is quite trusting for a Superhero…”_

_Alex very swiftly pushes the table toward William, knocking him backwards in his chair. She slides the table out of the way, straddling the man as she begins to pummel his face with her fists, completely uncaring for her role as director of the DEO._

_His face and her fists are quite bloody before she stops and assesses the damage, realizing that he has been unconscious for several rounds of her fury. His nose is clearly broken, and she managed to knock out a couple of teeth. His one eye is already swelling and will likely be swollen shut by tomorrow. He has a gash under his right eye and on his forehead._

_And it’s in that moment she realizes William isn’t actually breathing._

_“Shit… shit shit shit.” Alex repeats over and over again as she removes herself from being over top of him and starts assessing for a heartbeat. She does a round of CPR, causing William to spit up blood as he starts to breathe again. Alex takes in a deep breath before staggering out of the room and paging two of her closest, most trusted agents, one of which is Brainy. She gives them clear instructions to treat William, so he is well enough to transport, with details on the site location. When Brainy asks Alex if she is coming with, she shakes her head side-to-side, knowing full well she cannot be around this man at all. She is certain that the next time she won’t be able to stop herself after what he did to Kara. Because Alex still isn’t sure she wants to. She isn’t really sure why she stopped just a few minutes ago. Brainy seems to understand, giving her a nod before heading into the room with William._

Alex finishes telling the story to Kara, who has yet to look at her. “Kara… I meant to tell you about it… I just… never found the right time…” Kara finally looks up, deep into Alex’s eyes before she suddenly pulls Alex in for a hug. Alex, though surprised, returns the hug. Kara pulls away quickly though and sits back contemplatively. There is a moment of silence before Kara softly says, “Today… when I saw him… I envisioned all the ways I could have done it Alex… all the ways I could have killed him, if I really wanted to… it would have been so easy…”

Alex isn’t sure what to say, how to respond to this version of her sister. Kara has never been one to share her deeper darker thoughts. In fact, the only times those tended to come to light were when Kara was under the full influence of red kryptonite. Even then, after she was better, Kara often wouldn’t talk about it. But here she is, acknowledging her own darker thoughts that mirror Alex’s. Alex decides to go with honestly.

“I’ve thought about finishing what I started that day so many time Kara. It would be so easy to just…” She motions as if she was pulling her gun from her holster and firing it. Kara nods in understanding.

“Can we go see J’onn tomorrow?” Kara asks a little while later, finally breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two sisters.

“Of course.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara hasn’t been here since the day they buried J’onn. She hasn’t felt like she could face him, constantly carrying around the guilt of his death. She takes a deep breath as she slowly approaches his gravestone. Alex walking a few paces behind her. Alex comes to visit their space dad regularly. At first, she used to come every week, though over the years it has become less and less. She now comes once every couple of months. It is still something she looks forward to, as she enjoys updating J’onn on her life, telling him about her children as they grow and about how the DEO is doing. It has become something of a coping mechanism for her, as she also will come here when she needs guidance or answers, since J’onn always seemed to have the best of both things when she needed them.

Kara sits beside the grave and Alex stands a few yards away, giving her some privacy. Kara lets a few loose tears roll down her face as she takes in what it means to be here. She closes her eyes, wiling herself to feel his presence again, remembering some of her most fond memories with her secondary father, her space dad from Mars. She spends quite some time remembering all of their game nights and successful missions and J’onn’s unwavering moral code that he lived by. It was something that Kara strove to emulate. Even when J’onn struggled to find his own way in the world, he did so with grace and poise. Again, something Kara wishes she could embody.

Eventually, Kara begins to talk aloud to J’onn, about her life, about how sorry she is that he died. She even talks about what kept her from coming as quickly to help him that night. She mentions meeting a special someone recently and finally starting to put herself back together. She knows he will understand because J’onn spent many years on the run and mourning the loss of his people, his family, his planet after he came to Earth. Not only was J’onn like a father to Kara, but he was also someone who understood parts of Kara’s pain that other people didn’t. He understood how it felt to be one of the last of his kind, to have escaped a dying people, a dying planet. They were bonded in a way that not many people could be bonded.

Kara eventually signals for Alex to join her, and the two sisters talk into the ether together, about how much they miss him and hope that he has rejoined his family from Mars, wherever he is. And that they hope that one day, in the distant future, they get to see him again someday.

It is a solemn yet needed experience for Kara. While facing William was what Kara thought she needed a few days ago. She now knows that her path had much more to do with facing J’onn and this particular loss in her life.

This realization brings Kara’s mind back to the one person in her life she can’t seem to escape, even after leaving Mississippi – Lena. She is reminded of how Lena had loss Taylor and Drew, how she mourned them, how highly she talks about them, how much she clearly loved them, and maybe still does. Kara again wonders whether leaving the way she did was the right thing to do, but she can’t undo it. She hasn’t heard a word from Lena, despite leaving her number, so maybe Lena doesn’t want anything to do with her after all. Kara lets out a long, ragged sigh and shakes her head, trying to physically dispel all these thoughts about Lena racing through her mind as Alex and her head back to her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Lena is back in the next chapter! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara focuses on rebuilding her life... we finally see how Lena dealt with Kara leaving... Oh and Mxy is back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter time hops around a little bit as it covers what happens for Kara and Lena over a three month period, while focusing on specific events.

Kara goes to therapy with Lindsey and to group therapy consistently, every week for three months. And slowly, inch by emotional inch, Kara lets herself feel and lets herself talk about and share these emotions with Lindsey. Sometimes Kara shuts down and sits in silence for minutes as the reality hits her. The red flags she missed. The things she ignored early in the relationship. Things like, how William could never be wrong. Even when he clearly was. It’s moments like this that cause Kara to simply pause in session and sit there in her own head for long moments. And Lindsey is patient with her, lets Kara process on her own time and in her own space. Letting Kara come back to her when she is ready.

Kara doesn’t say a word in group therapy until her 7th or 8th time there. She finally speaks up. One of the women, someone who is newer than Kara, is talking for the first time. She is talking about how, she felt trapped for so long, unable to get out of a marriage that she willingly went into. And how she blamed herself and still does.

Kara says what she is thinking, out loud, without realizing it at first. “You didn’t know.” Her eyes go wide as everyone turns to her, silently waiting for her to continue, even though she has never spoken before. Kara breaths in. “You couldn’t have predicted the future. Hindsight is 20/20. It’s easy to look back and see all the signs now… All you can do now is learn from your past, so you don’t repeat it.” Kara gives her what she hopes is an endearing smile. The woman, tears glistening, returns her smile with a nod.

Kara speaks up more after that, though she never directly talks about her own experiences in group. She never feels comfortable enough being an alien and being Supergirl. But every time she does speak up like this, it’s clear she is speaking from experience. It’s always so heartfelt and serious but softly delivered.

Aside from therapy, Kara continues going to work at Catco, though she does focus on finding more of a balance in her work/personal life again. She knows she isn’t ready to return to being Supergirl and she isn’t sure she really wants to, but she does know she doesn’t want to spend all her time at work and then just locking herself away in her apartment every night.

Lindsey and Kara work out a plan to start small. It starts just with Alex first, with dinner at Kara’s, once a week. A month later, she is having dinner out at restaurants with Alex and the family once a week. Another month after that, she is also having dinner out with a small group of friends that includes Nia, Brainy, and Maggie. Kara even starts going to coffee with a few of the women from group once a week. By the third month, Kara finally does something she hasn’t done with her group of friends in several years… she hosts a game night. And while she is nervous to have everyone at her place again and doing something she hasn’t done since before J’onn died… Alex is there with her, every step of the way. She comes over early to help Kara set everything up. And she makes sure to stick close to Kara all night, giving her a gentle squeeze on the arm whenever she sees that Kara is starting to feel overwhelmed, to help her stay grounded. After everyone leaves except Alex, Kara gives her the biggest hug she has given her in months, maybe years. And both women shed a few tears. They cry for the loss of their father-figure, for the abuse Kara went through at the hands of William, for the loss of their bond and the distance that has been between the two sisters for so many years since then, and for knowing that they are starting to finally build that bond again. Alex is beyond thrilled to know her sister has finally come home. Alex lets her wife know that night that she is sleeping at Kara’s.

Aside from her social support, Kara continues to pursue her art. She still loves to paint in her free time, but she has shifted more of her focus to her guitar and songwriting. Singing in front of Lena made Kara realize that she is ready… ready to sing and play in front of others. And so, she starts preparing herself. She has a few songs, but she needs a setlist of at least five songs for an open mic note at Al’s Bar. So, Kara continues to play and to write. She wants five solid songs to play at her first show. It’s two months into therapy that she finally signs up for her first show. It’s the night of her three-month anniversary of starting therapy. It seems fitting, in a way, to Kara, that she will be singing songs from some of her darkest days as she celebrates such a milestone, finally letting her friends and family that she invited to open mic night, to see this side of her. A side of her she has been hiding from them for so long.

Open mic night will be full of reveals for Kara Zor El Danvers.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in Mississippi…

Lena can’t deny how hurt she is by Kara’s sudden departure. It hurts more than she would have expected. She debates on what to do. Whether she should reach out to Kara or not. She takes a few days but doesn’t really have a clear answer. So, she decides to give herself a month… One month. One month to forget about Kara and move on with her life. It was only a few days of her life that she spent with the Kryptonian, after all. While Lena was hurt and even angry at first, she gets it, Kara has a lot of baggage. So of course, she freaked out and ran. She is a Kryptonian and Lena is a Luthor, after all. What would people say… Lena even tries hard to convince herself she isn’t safe and should run. That Kara is going to immediately go home and tell her dear sister who works for a secret government organization who would love nothing more than to capture the last Luthor… But a large part of Lena simply knows Kara and trusts her. So, Lena stays.

And, as the days go by, no one shows up to arrest Lena, she can fully accept the fact that Kara didn’t lie to her in the note. She was keeping Lena’s secret. Lena was safe… is safe.

She can’t help but worry about Kara though. As the days continue to tick by, Lena finds herself at work, wondering how Kara is doing back in National City. Lena wonders if maybe she pushed Kara too hard to face things that she wasn’t ready to face. She wonders if maybe she misread her connection to Kara, that maybe it was all one sided, that perhaps Kara was trying to spare her and her feelings by leaving the way she did. Lena wonders a lot of things. Which is why, when she makes it exactly thirty days since Kara’s departure, Lena knows she must reach out. Kara hasn’t left her mind in that month, despite throwing herself into work, despite focusing on projects around the house, despite taking longs walks around the property… Lena feels herself drawn to Kara in a way she doesn’t quite understand. Because she is over 1000 miles away and yet… Lena wants to know if she is doing any better. She hasn’t seen any sign of Supergirl on the news, not really. She has seen a few articles come out by Kara, though they are benign and nothing major. It appears Kara is perhaps taking a backseat for the bigger news articles right now and letting people like Nia take them on. Kara told Lena about Nia; how proud she was of how much she has grown over the years as a journalist. It isn’t surprising that Kara would step aside and give Nia an opportunity to shine.

She dials the number she has long since memorized from the note that she keeps in her nightstand. Lena stares at her phone, thumb over the call button. Lena’s mind starts to run frantic with thoughts about the implications of making the phone call. And soon enough this brings Lena’s thoughts back to Taylor. And a wave of guilt washes over her.

Lena sets her phone down. She goes to sit in the library for a while after that.

Lena reaches out to her old therapist the next day, the one she saw after losing Taylor and Drew. She hasn’t been to see him in a year and a half now, but luckily, Holden happened to have an opening for the following week. Lena is warmly greeted by Holden as she walks into his office. Holden is a dark-skinned man in his mid-40’s who, in Lena’s opinion, has one of the warmest smiles she has ever known. Well, except for a blonde she now knows…

“Lee, it is good to see you, though I assume you making an appointment after so long is not a good sign.” Lena gives him a small smile as she sits in the chair across from Holden, noting the small differences in his office. He updated the artwork and throw pillows in his office, though not much else has changed. “Holden, it’s good to see you, even under the circumstances.”

“Well, what’s going on Lee?” Holden asks, remembering that Lee is all business. “Well…” Lena isn’t sure how to explain it. Obviously, she must protect Kara’s identity. “As you might recall… It’s been just over three years since I’ve lost Taylor and Drew.” Holden nods, silently waiting for Lena to continue. “Well… I recently met someone who… I felt a connection with… but every time I think of reaching out to her… I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt wash over me…” Lena trails off, tears forming in her eyes for the nth time in the past two weeks.

Holden regards Lena for a moment, taking her in and letting her shed some of the tears she needed to get out. He then reflects back, to make sure he understands exactly what she feels guilty about, “You feel guilty, about the potential of moving on with your life? Of finding someone after Taylor?” Lena nods, taking a tissue from Holden’s side table to wipe her eyes. “Yeah… I know at first, I had a lot of survivor’s guilt and we talked a lot about that. And then my grief… But now… now I’m realizing that maybe I haven’t actually been moving forward, not really. I’m doing better, emotionally, sure…” Lena takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “But, for a long time I also think I just assumed I would never find someone again and I had accepted that as fact and was ok with it. To find a love like I had with Taylor…” Lena smiles at the memories. “I will always be thankful for that, for her, for our time together…” Lena trails off, falling into silence.

Holden waits a moment, before prompting Lena to continue, knowing where Lena’s thoughts are going with this. “But?” He asks, gently pushing her to continue. “But how is it possible that I would be lucky enough to find love that great twice?” Lena says it without thinking because she hadn’t quite reached that conclusion before today, before now. She says it and just pauses. Because it’s what’s underneath that thought that is the bigger realization. The fear feeding that thought. Holden waits, knowing she is processing this, right now, in the moment.

“Oh… I’m terrified of loving someone that much again just to have them suddenly ripped away from me again…” Lena leans back in the chair, laying her head on the back of it and stares up at the ceiling. Holden and Lena sit in silence for a full five minutes as Lena sits with the realization of that deep-seated fear coming to the surface.

She finally sits back up and looks at Holden, tears falling silently from her eyes. “Lee, you suffered a great loss. And yes, you have made great progress since then. And you were bound to have both peaks and valleys in that progress. This right now, is a dip, ok? You made the right call by coming in to talk to me about it. I don’t have all the answers. But I am here to help you talk it through and to help you figure out what your emotions are trying to communicate to you.”

Lena nods, understanding and knowing that Holden is right. This is why she has always liked him as her therapist. He was the second person she saw after Taylor died. The first therapist was way too “hippy-dippy” for Lena’s taste. Holden pushed Lena to confront and talk about her emotions while also helping her to see the bigger picture.

“So, my question for you, is what else is the guilt telling you?” Lena takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly through her nose. “The guilt… it makes me stop and question my actions; it keeps me from reaching out… even though I know… I know rationally that Taylor would want me to find someone… she would want me to find love again… to be happy.” Holden gives Lena a half smile and shakes his head up and down a few times slowly, taking in her explanation. “So, knowing this then, this guilt, it’s coming from this underlying fear you have. And it’s this fear that is keeping you from forming new relationships. You just didn’t know it until someone came along that was potentially worth having a relationship with?”

“So, what do I do?” Lena asks the question, laughing at herself and her sudden indecisiveness. She knows Holden will never tell her what to do or how to live her life. But he will be here to help her talk about her options and potential avenues and the pros and cons of all of them. He won’t judge Lena for whatever she decides to do or not do. He is simply there to help her live the best life she can based on whatever decisions she makes. Lena knows she will be seeing Holden for the next few weeks at least while she sorts through all of the thought trains running wild in her head related to these mixed emotions and the apparent fear she didn’t know she had before today.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a little over two weeks before the open mic night and Kara still finds her mind drifting back to Lena. She debates going to Mississippi just to check on her but realizes that would be crossing boundaries and she doesn’t even know if Lena wants to see her. Kara is at home alone one evening, lost in one of these thought spirals when she has an idea.

_It’s been almost 10 weeks… why do I still think about her so much? I literally met her and spent a whole 3 days with her. I mean, according to her, there were entire realities where we were best friends…_

And that’s when Kara does something, something she promised herself she wouldn’t upon returning to National City. She decides to figure out how to summon Mxy to show her the alternate realities. It takes Kara most of the night, but perhaps not surprising, the DEO has had experience with beings from higher dimensions before, so she is able to get files on them from the server… once she convinces Brainy to access them. Kara still hasn’t told anyone about Lena of course, so she can’t exactly explain to Brainy why she needs it, so instead she says it’s for Supergirl duties and because Brainy doesn’t pick up on social cues, he doesn’t realize Kara is lying.

Kara is able to summon Mxy the next evening.

Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t this. He looks like a man, except that he can basically conjure and create whatever he wants apparently. It’s like, real magic, Kara thinks, but doesn’t say, in case that would offend him.

“Kara Zor El Danvers, I have been waiting!” He exclaims. “Um… what?” Kara is confused already. “Well, you see, I knew you would want to see… I just didn’t think you would take so long to summon me. But I couldn’t come to you before you did… so, here I am.” He is smiling brightly at her. “How would you know I would want to see?” Kara’s patience quickly thinning with the being who apparently knows more than he lets on. “Oh, invisible strings and all that.”

Like that was supposed to explain things, Kara stares blankly at him. “What?” Mxy smirks at Kara as he sits down on Kara’s couch. “You and Lena Luthor, what else would I be talking about, dear?” Kara’s eyes go wide. “You know?” Mxy shrugs. “Hey, I’m as surprised as you are. I really thought this time, in this reality, you two would never meet. But alas… invisible strings. It just goes to show… you two are connected... no matter the reality.” Kara sits down beside him. “Show me.” It’s not a question from Kara. She wants to see it. No, she needs to see it. She must understand this connection, this pull she feels towards this woman. It’s something she has never had before. This instant connection to someone on Earth. It’s never happened before. She doesn’t understand it and she wants to understand so badly.

“Are you sure you want to see what happens Kara Zor El? In the alternate reality, the one that Lena sent me back and change from happening… it wasn’t always pretty… especially between you and Lena… and also… you died.” Mxy eyes Kara carefully, but she doesn’t look away. “I know… but, I have to see it for myself. I want to know.” Mxy shrugs while smirking. “Very well.”

Kara is shown the alternative reality, where she has a similar relationship with Mon El, where she does meet William but never goes on more than a couple dates, where she faces similar foes, where she almost dies, but is saved several times by Lena, where she saves Lena’s life countless times as well. Aside from all that, she sees the two of them, her and Lena, spending time together at lunches and at game nights with friends. More than that, she feels it, that connection. The same one she had in Mississippi. She sees herself with her cousin Clark, first meeting Lena Luthor when she moved to National City, being in awe of the woman in front of her who was just trying to create a name for herself outside her family. And she sees Lena holding her as she is covered in blood. She can clearly see signs of Kryptonite. Lena is holding her as she kisses Kara on the lips, telling her she was sorry for waiting so long to tell her that she loved her. Kara watches her other self as she takes her last breath. She watches Lena cry over her dead body. She even watches what happens after she dies, as Lena spends the next year of her life trying to find a way to bring Kara back. And when she exhausts all avenues, she sends Mxy back in time. She even gets a glimpse into the reasoning, seeing a conversation between Alex and Lena.

_They are clearly at Lena’s penthouse. The two sharing a bottle of whiskey, appearing very close in this reality._

_Alex raises her glass into the air. “To Kara, the best sister anyone could ever ask for… the best of us all.” Lena follows suit. “To the love of my life.” The women down their glasses. Lena eyes Alex carefully as she begins to speak. “Alex… I have a new idea… to bring her back.” Alex shakes her head. “Luthor… it’s been a year and we have been down dozens of dead-end roads… I don’t think I can take another disappointment…” Alex sighs and closes her eyes, fighting back tears._

_“No, Alex… this is different. It doesn’t require bringing this Kara, our Kara back, per se. Do you remember when that fifth dimensional being came to her to help her fix our friendship?” Alex’s eyes pop open. “Mxy?” Lena nods. “Kara told me all about each of those realities eventually. I remember them all, in great detail. And I think I figured out a solution that doesn’t result in any of those negative outcomes.” Lena pauses and when Alex doesn’t protest, she continues. “The issue is that… in all of those realities, I still came to National City… but I can send Mxy back to a moment in time that will change my course of action so that I never make the decision to come to National City in the first place. This way… Kara never meets me… and if she never meets me… maybe Lex never becomes as focused on her… he can stay focused on Superman instead…” Lena again pauses, but forces herself to say the last final implication of her plan “and then she never dies…”_

_Alex stares at Lena for a long minute before she finally speaks. “Lena… you want to reset reality… the timeline… so that you never come to National City and never meet Kara… or any of us… that’s a drastic change… I mean… you and Kara…”_

_“I know, Alex, I know… but I’ve thought this over long and hard. I’ve played out all of the scenarios in my head. And I have no other plans or ideas to bring her back from the dead Alex. This is it; this is my final play.”_

_“But we have no idea what will happen in this timeline…”_

_“As long as she is alive… that’s what matters, right Alex?” Alex leans back, thinking about her sister, having her back again, being able to hug her again, work along side her again._

_“Ok. Let’s do it.”_

Kara also sees herself in this reality interact with Mxy a few times, including when he offered to help her change the past to fix things with Lena. So here, Kara gets a glimpse at even more potential realities and it is exactly as Lena said. No matter when Kara tells Lena about her being Supergirl, things tend to go badly with one or both dying, or even worse, all of her own family and friends being hunted down. It now makes sense why Lena did what she did… But what’s even more clear to Kara is that no matter what… Mxy is right… Lena and Kara are connected in every reality. Even in the reality where Lena moves to National City, but they never meet, Lean becomes something else and this other Kara still tries to save her eventually.

Mxy doesn’t offer to change anything for Kara this time. He says his role this time was to simply show, not act. And with that, he bids Kara goodbye and vanishes, leaving Kara alone with her thoughts about other versions of reality, other versions of herself and of Lena.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena finds a note taped to her front door when she gets home from work one day. Lena takes it off her door as she walks inside, setting her stuff down and opening the letter. She stares at it in disbelief for a few minutes.

L. –

I’m having my first open mic night in two weeks. I’d love it if you would come. Details below.

– K.

It’s been 10 weeks since Kara left. Lena hadn’t called her, hasn’t felt ready… And then, by the time that she felt ready… Lena got so anxious thinking that she had waiting too long to call, and that Kara wouldn’t want to hear from her anymore… So, she just never called... assuming the moment had passed her by.

But here was a note, from Kara. Lena is bombarded with so many thoughts and what they mean.

_She had to have flown it here herself since it was taped to her door…_

_Kara was here…_

_She is performing at an open mic night…_

_She is going to perform her own songs…_

_She is going to sing in front of other people…_

_Kara… she wants me to come…_

Lena isn’t sure how, but the next thing she knows she is sitting on the floor, still staring at the letter.

And then, just as quickly, Lena is standing outside, looking up at the empty sky.

Lena doesn’t know that Kara couldn’t stay. Kara would have changed her mind about the note. She had to leave the note and immediately return to National City to keep from returning for it. But every fiber in Kara’s body wanted to stay and see Lena again. She wanted to see the shiny dark hair and the emerald green eyes again. Dreaming about them just wasn’t enough for Kara anymore. She knows what she said in her original letter to Lena. And she knows that if Lena doesn’t show up at her open mic night… that she will take that as the final message that Lena wants nothing to do with her. But after spending time with Mxy, she knew she had to try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a second chapter for everyone so we could get Lena back into the story sooner. :) 
> 
> The next chapter will pick up with the open mic night...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's first open mic night!

Kara doesn’t remember the last time she was this nervous. She is sitting backstage, tuning her guitar for the first song. She never heard anything from the letter she left at Lena’s, No call, no text. Kara wonders if perhaps Lena no longer has her phone number. Kara, staring off and so lost in thought, doesn’t see Harley poke her head behind the curtain.

“Hey pretty lady!” Harley declares, announcing her presence, bringing Kara back to the present. Kara smiles at her. “Harley, hey, you made it.” She is genuinely glad to see her. Harley was the first person to talk to Kara at group after all, the first person to make her feel welcome. Harley had graduated from the group about a month ago. Kara has continued to snag coffee with her once a week to keep in touch.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I just wanted to check on you, see how you’re feeling.” She takes a step, so she is completely behind the curtain with Kara fully now. She walks over and pulls up a stool next to Kara.

Kara looks back down at her guitar and starts fiddling with the strings. “Well, to be honest, I’m nervous. Like I mentioned last week… this is my first time singing in front of other people.”

“Hey, it’s a big step. You said you have a big group of friends coming tonight to support you though, right?” Kara nods, looking back up at Harley. “Right, so you have plenty of us to cheer you on, including me. Alright?” This reminder does make Kara smile. Harley is right. Even if Kara is terrible, her friends will cheer loudly for her.

“Alright, I know you only have a few more minutes before things get going. So, I’m going to go snag a place at the bar, close by the stage, good luck!” Harley gives Kara a side hug, somewhat awkward due to Kara’s guitar in her lap. Kara is thankful for the gesture, nonetheless.

As Harley leaves, Kara goes back to tuning her guitar and practicing the first few cords for the first song she plans to play. It’s only a few minutes before she hears the announcer walk onto the stage in front of the curtain, welcoming everyone to another open mic night.

“Hello everyone! Welcome to Al’s Bar and another week of open mic night. I am very excited to welcome to the stage tonight for her first performance not during karaoke night, but instead actually performing her own music, with her own guitar, Ms. Kara Danvers.”

Kara takes a deep breath and walks out from behind the curtain, hearing lots of loud screaming from the crowd. Kara can clearly make out Alex’s voice in the crowd, which makes her smile as she sets the stool down in the center of the stage and adjusts the mic to the appropriate height.

“Hi everyone. As Al said, my name is Kara Danvers. And this is my first time singing my own original songs in front of a crowd…” Kara takes a breath, remembering the speech she had rehearsed several times over at home today. “I have chosen five songs to play tonight for everyone. I wrote most of them during a particularly dark time in my life, when music and songwriting became a way for me to cope with the burdens that I was carrying… I hope you like them.” After that, the crowd goes quiet as Kara looks down at her guitar, placing her fingers in preparation to play. Kara beings to play, first playing the very last song she played at Lena’s house.

Kara is silent for a few seconds after the song ends. So is the crowd. Alex is sitting in a booth with several of their friends, at first, she was in awe of Kara’s voice, as she rarely sings around others. But then, as she realized the meaning behind the words Kara was singing, her heart began to break for her sister. When she finalized glanced around to see Nia and the others all wearing the same facial expression, Alex knew she wasn’t wrong. And while it was true that Kara was doing so much better now and had been slowly improving over these last few months, Alex never really knew the depth of Kara’s suffering. She had closed everyone off from truly knowing it. To protect them, Alex is sure of that.

“That one is called ‘She used to be Mine.’ This next one is called ‘Idol Worship.’”

And with that, Kara launches into the very first song she sung for Lena. It’s dark and haunting more than sad and regretful. Kara purposefully wanted to change up the tone from song to song. When she finishes though, there is a similar hush over the crowd for a moment before they start whistling and clapping. Though no one could really tell, Kara’s face is blushing red as she smiles at the applause. After a minute, the crowd naturally silences itself as they listen intently for more words from the singer/songwriter.

“This next one is called ‘Hope.’” Kara doesn’t give any further explanation, knowing that each person will likely have their own interpretation of the song. As Kara finishes the song, her memory flashes back to the first time she sang this song with Lena. Kara finally scans the crowd, seeing her sister and friends all huddled in a circular booth off to her left, cheering wildly and supporting her every step of the way. She also sees Harley and a couple other women from group sitting by the bar, here to support her. She scans back around the room one more time. But she doesn’t see those emerald green eyes. She goes ahead with what she planned to say anyway. As she is adjusting the guitar, Kara says in the mic, “These last two songs might be the most special to me right now. The first one I am going to play for you all, is the first song that I ever wrote. It is called ‘You Don’t Know.” And with that, Kara begins to play.

_I know you've got the best intentions_

_Just trying to find the right words to say_

_I promise, I've already learned my lesson_

_But right now, I wanna be not okay_

_I'm so tired, sitting here waiting_

_If I hear one more "Just be patient"_

_It's always gonna stay the same_

_So let me just give up_

_So let me just let go_

_If this isn't good for me_

_Well, I don't wanna know_

_Let me just stop trying_

_Let me just stop fighting_

_I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright_

_You don't know what it's like_

_You don't know what it's like_

_Can't stop these feet from sinking_

_And it's starting to show on me_

_You're staring while I'm blinking_

_But just don't tell me what you see_

_I'm so over all this bad luck_

_Hearing one more "Keep your head up"_

_Is it ever gonna change?_

_So let me just give up_

_So let me just let go_

_If this isn't good for me_

_Well, I don't wanna know_

_Let me just stop trying_

_Let me just stop fighting_

_I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright_

_You don't know what it's like_

_You don't know what it's like_

_Don't look at me like that_

_Just like you understand_

_Don't try to pull me back_

_Let me just give up_

_Let me just let go_

_If this isn't good for me_

_Well, I don't wanna know_

_Let me just stop trying_

_Let me just stop fighting_

_I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright_

_You don't know what it's like_

_You don't know what it's like_

_You don't know, you don't know_

_You don't know…_

As Kara finishes the song, she looks over at her sister who has tears glimmering in her eyes. She knows she will be having a long talk with Alex. Not tonight, but very soon. Kara knows that by sharing these songs with people closest to her that she is opening herself up like she never has before. She knows she walled herself off after William and J’onn. And she did it in part because she wanted everyone else to be able to move on with their lives and to be happy. Because she knew after what happened that she could never have what they have. She wasn’t sure she could ever trust someone again. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. It wasn’t until meeting Lena that she really began to question the narrative that she had been telling herself for so long.

After the clapping dies down, Kara speaks again. “Thank you all so much for the love. Now, this last song I will be performing is the most recent song I have written.” Kara clears her throat in the mic. “Um… If a certain someone is here tonight. This song is for you. It’s called ‘Why We Ever.’” And before Kara can lose her nerve, she starts to sing the song she wrote only a few weeks ago because she couldn’t get those green eyes out of her dreams.

_Open your mouth_

_Say something warm_

_I've spent a while_

_On the stranger's side of your door_

_How do you sound?_

_What do you look like now?_

_I try to replicate our movements in my mind_

_And now I can't seem to remember why_

_We ever felt we had to say goodbye_

_I can't seem to remember why_

_Can't seem to remember why_

_Tin-can telephone_

_From your home to my home_

_I can't feel your energy no more_

_No more, no more (No more, no more, no more)_

_No more, no more (No more, no more, no more)_

_No more, no more_

_And now I can't seem to remember why_

_We ever felt we had to say goodbye_

_Can't seem to remember why_

_And, darling, we ever can't seem to remember why_

_I spent the weekend at home again_

_Drawing circles on the floor_

_Tried to keep myself from hurting_

_I don't know why anymore_

_I just wanna talk about it_

_I know I freaked you out_

_I just wanna talk about it_

_Sorry for freakin' out_

_I just wanna talk about it_

_I know I freaked you out_

_I just wanna talk about it_

_Sorry for freakin' out_

_Sorry for freakin' out_

Kara ends the lyrics with a final strum of the guitar and the crowd bursts into explosive applause, though she can tell the loudest parts come from her friends at the roundtable and the bar. Kara smiles widely, thanking everyone for their support as she exits the stage and goes behind the curtain. Kara chugs some water as she sets the guitar down and just takes in the fact that she finally did it. She sang in front of others. She opened herself up and let people see some of her deepest and darkest emotions… the ones she has kept locked up and hidden away for so long. Granted, she has been talking about them with Lindsey for a few months now. But man, did it feel good to express them in this way too!

“You were amazing!” Kara whips around to find Harley has again come backstage. Kara smiles so wide at her. “Thank you! Ahh I’m just so… I can’t believe I did it!” Kara goes to hug her friend.

Unfortunately, that’s when things take a turn for the awkward.

As Kara pulls back from the hug, Harley, who admittedly has had a few drinks tonight, cups Kara’s cheek gingerly and smiles, and then leans in and kisses Kara.

Kara, in her excitement, as someone who hasn’t dated in a couple years, and as someone who has never dated women, might have missed a few signs over the past few weeks. Like, aside from getting coffee once a week, they have gone to the movies a few times and have gotten dinner, just the two of them a couple times. And that the two of them also text daily, including sometimes sending good morning and good night texts. So yes, Kara might have misunderstood their friendship. Or she might have missed the signs that Harley was sending her that indicated Harley might be interested in something besides a friendship.

Probably more importantly, Kara has never mentioned Lena to her. Or to anyone outside of Alex. In fact, Kara never mentioned to anyone, including Alex, that she invited her tonight. She was too afraid Lena wouldn’t show and then she would have to talk about it.

Well, Kara’s fears that Lena wouldn’t show aren’t a problem.

Lena just so happens to come backstage at the exact moment to see Harley kissing Kara, which was something Kara was not planning on. Lena had just pulled the curtain back and stepped through, tentatively saying Kara’s name but stopping after the ‘k’ sound as she saw the two women coming apart from what appears to be a very intimate moment.

Kara whips her head around to see Lena, eyes wide in surprise. Lena is in a baseball cap and glasses, trying to somewhat mask her appearance.

“Leeeee” Kara says extra-long to cover up almost saying Lena. “Hey… um… Hi… crap… um…” Lena thought that last song was for her. She had thought that was Kara’s way of apologizing for leaving three months ago. But seeing this here, now… apparently, she was wrong. “Sorry to interrupt.” Lena cuts her off and turns to go.

“No! Wait! Don’t go!” Kara has entered full on panic mode as Harley stands there baffled by this new development. She has never seen this dark-haired woman before. She looks at her, confused.

“Kara… who is this?” Harley asks. Kara takes a breath, trying to calm herself down and figure out what to do. “Um, Harley, this is Lee. Lee, meet Harley. Um… Lee, can you give me, just like, five minutes to talk to Harley? And then you and I can talk?” Kara is pleading, trying to resolve this situation in the best way possible when all she wants to do is fly Lena away from here so they can finally be alone together again. But she must talk to Harley first about the kiss. Lena will understand. She hopes. Lena nods and exits back to the bar.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara comes back out from behind the stage a few minutes later while Harley follows her but immediately heads back to the bar for more drinks. It wasn’t an easy conversation. Kara apologizes profusely for misunderstanding and misreading the entire thing. While she doesn’t really go into detail or explain that she is interested in someone else, she does let Harley know that she isn’t interested in her in that way, and that she would really like for them to be friends if Harley is ok with it.

Kara starts looking through the crowd for Lena. She eventually makes her way over to her sister and friends, briefly talking to them, before excusing herself saying she is trying to find and catch up with another friend. Kara circles through Al’s Bar three times, checking both the men and women’s bathrooms too.

Lena is gone.

Kara’s eyes fill with tears as she goes out the back exit, slamming the door and sliding down the wall.

“You found me.”

Kara’s head shoots up to see Lena sitting on the dumpster twenty feet away, still in her glasses and hat. She flies up, landing to stand in front of Lena. “You came… you waited,” Kara whispers as she stares into the green eyes that followed her home in her dreams three months ago.

“You invited me,” Lena quips back with a slight smirk. “Plus, you asked me to wait so we could talk.” Kara smiles lovingly at Lena but doesn’t say anything for a moment. Lena takes the silence as an opportunity. “I’m sorry Kara… I’m sorry that I never called… I wanted to, so badly. But…”

“You’re here now.” Kara answers her in three words. Simple yet definitive, and in Kara’s understanding way, like she doesn’t even need an explanation, even though Lena wants to explain.

“So… Harley?” Lena asks, unsure if she wants to know the answer.

“She surprised me. We are friends, nothing more. I had to explain that to her.” Kara can see Lena breathe a sigh of relief. Kara takes a half step back from the dumpster.

At that moment, the backdoor to the bar again opens, and both Lena and Kara turn around. “There you are.” It’s a women Lena doesn’t know, so she assumes they must be talking to Kara. Kara gives Lena an apologetic smile. “Hey, Alex… This is… Lee.” Lena notices the pause before Kara says her name. She is pretty sure there is more behind the pause than just the use of her secret identity, given the look Alex gives Kara before looking Lena over hard as she strides over. “I didn’t realize you were in town Lee. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Kara’s-”

“Sister, yes, Kara mentioned you,” Lena cuts in, doing her best to stand her metaphorical ground while she sits on top of the dumpster. She smiles and extends her hand. Alex begrudgingly takes it and gives Lena a very firm handshake. Kara didn’t lie, Alex was _very_ protective of her younger sister.

“Alex, do you think you could snag my guitar for me? Lee and I are going to find some place quieter to go talk and catch up.”

“Hm… I bet you are.” Alex says under her breath before agreeing to get Kara’s guitar for her and take it home with her. She bids them both goodnight before heading back into the bar.

Lena lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she looks back to Kara, unsure of what to do next. “Do you want to get out of here? I can fly us back to my apartment and we can talk more there.” Kara asks Lena with an unsure expression on her face, like she is… nervous maybe. Lena isn’t quite sure how to read her. Plus, she is too distracted by her own reaction as she tries to comprehend what just came out of Kara’s mouth.

“You want… me to fly with you?” Lena asks, suddenly anxious. “I hate flying…” Kara smiles at Lena, blue eyes piercing into her green ones. “I am at full power. I promise I won’t drop you. You are safe with me.” For some reason, Lena believes her, wholeheartedly. “Alright…” And with that, Kara reaches her hand out. Lena takes it and Kara guides her down from the dumpster before picking her up in her arms gently. Lena puts her arms around Kara’s neck. “Ready?” Kara asks looking at her with a smile. “No, but let’s do this anyway.” Lena smiles back at her, letting her know she is teasing. She does feel surprising safe, as they slowly rise into the night air and head toward Kara’s apartment.

As the fly, Lena feels herself wanting to pull into Kara’s neck for the warmth that radiated off the Kryptonian. She chuckles to herself as she says, “This is how you get all the ladies, isn’t it Supergirl?” She feels Kara laugh at her joke before taking on a more serious tone as she responds “Actually, you’re the first.” Lena blushes deeply at the comment but doesn’t say anything else for the remainder of the short trip to Kara’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a shorter chapter in terms of plot/content, but I hope you liked it! :)
> 
> The two new songs Kara sings are 1. You Don't Know by Katelyn Tarver (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF-nZziUCCY) and 2. Why We Ever by Hayley Williams (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jC-iHdy41k).


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara finally talk... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty fluff. That's how I would describe this chapter. :D

Once in Kara’s apartment, Lena takes in the loft. It’s quite homey and somehow, exactly what she would expect for Kara. As Lena takes in the place, Kara heads to the kitchen and starts to make some tea. There is a general electric nervousness that has settled in the air between them as the silence grows. Kara busies herself making tea, unsure of how to start this conversation. She knows how she feels about Lena. But they obviously live across the country from one another. Not to mention the fact that Lena has an entire life that she has built there. And that even being around someone like Kara, being around Supergirl, puts Lena at risk of exposing her true identity. Isn’t it selfish of her to even pursue a relationship with Lena for that reason? But then, she remembers all the different realities that Mxy showed her. And how, in every one, her and Lena were connected… and even in this reality… they eventually found each other… even if it took longer… it eventually happened… Kara can’t shake this feeling that they are simply just connected. But maybe it is all one sided…

Lena, not having the task of making tea, continues to wring her hands anxiously as she makes her way to Kara’s couch and sits down. She is finally here, in National City, where she had planned to move so long ago… She knows what happened when she followed that path… the devastation… the destruction… the heartbreak… All of that lead her to change the past so she would choose a completely different path and never come to this city so she would never meet the woman before her… and yet, somehow… here she is anyway… sitting on Kara Danvers’ couch… she can feel it in her stomach, her chest, all through her body. The pull that Kara has on her is undeniable. She felt it over the years when she would see Supergirl on the news. She felt it ever so slightly reading Kara Danvers’ article about her after her supposed death. But she really truly felt it the moment Supergirl appeared at her front door, and even more so when she saw the hero fall from the sky and she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she had to go to her and help her. She wonders if everyone feels this way around Kara because of who she is. Does everyone feel this natural pull with Kara? Or it is just her?

Kara, finally turning around, carefully carries the tea over to the couch and sets it down on the coffee table in front of them. She sits down close to Lena, though not touching her and smiles shyly, taking in a deep breath. “So…”

“I saw your easel in the corner,” Lena says, offering a lighter topic for the moment, a reprieve Kara gladly takes. “Would… would you like to see some of my paintings?” Kara finds herself wanting to show Lena parts of herself that she still hasn’t necessarily shared with anyone else. She gets up off the couch, reappearing a minute later with a couple paintings in her arms. She lays them out carefully on the coffee table before setting back down next to Lena, a smidge closer than she was a few minutes before. Lena sits up, causing their legs to lightly touch, and slowly takes in each picture. The first two are landscape pictures, though Lena is sure they are not of any city on Earth, given the landscape and architecture depicted. The third includes people, though Kara herself is not in it. Lena doesn’t recognize anyone in the picture, but she can tell they hold an important place in Kara’s life. The fourth is an abstract painting consisting mostly of the color green.

“Kara… I know you consider this only a hobby of yours… a way to process your emotions and such… but these… are quite good.” Kara gives her a small half-smile, her cheeks a light pink color from the praise. “May I ask what they are depicting?” Lena knows art is quite personal. And while she wants to know what emotion drove Kara to paint each of these, she also wants to respect Kara’s personal boundaries and let her share only what she is comfortable sharing.

Kara looks deeply into Lena’s eyes after she asks the questions, a mental debate occurring. She knows what Lindsey talked about with her, with learning to trust again. Baby steps she tells herself. Telling Lena about these paintings… while personal, won’t in any way put her at more risk than she already is with Lena. She takes a deep breath in before nodding at the first painting. “This one is a painting of the view from my bedroom on Krypton, at least what I remember it to be…” Lena gives Kara a gracious smile. “This is also Krypton, but from a higher vantage point. It was a place Kryptonians had made to overlook all of Argo. My Aunt Astra used to take me there when she would visit… and we would lay under Rao for hours as she talked to me about the ways of our people…” Kara trailed off after that, clearly lost in some memories more private than she wanted to share. Lena reached out, taking Kara’s hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. Kara, having been pulled back from her thought spiral, squeezed back a thank you. “This one here, is actually my biological family. My parents, aunt and uncle, and Kal’s parents.”

“May I ask why you and Kal aren’t in the picture?” Lena asks cautiously. She is curious, given that Kara painted her Kryptonian family, why she would leave off herself and her cousin.

Kara looks at the painting and mulls over Lena’s question for a moment before responding. “Well… when I painted this… I wanted to pay homage to my family that was lost to me so long ago… Kal was a baby when he was put in a pod and sent to Earth… He has no memory of our home planet… And while I later learned some of my family survived the destruction of our home planet… by the time we found each other… they were different… I was different… So, in a way, this painting was my way of representing each of them as they were to me, in my memory, before I left my home planet.”

Lena hums and nods in response, processing Kara’s response. She wants to press further, but decides it is best to leave it alone. Kara would share more if and when she felt comfortable doing so. She instead asks about the last painting. “And this last painting then?”

Kara smiles sheepishly at this painting, a completely different reaction to when she explained the first three, which caught Lena a bit off guard. “Well, I had never really painted abstract like that before. I had mostly done landscape and geography and such before trying to paint people and such… Anyway… this is my newest painting… it was done about a month ago…” Kara trails off, debating how to explain the painting. Lena gives her an encouraging smile and waits patiently for her to continue. “It’s silly really… but I couldn’t get this very particular shade of green out of my head… so I decided to try to paint it to see if that would help…”

“And did it?” Lena asks curiously.

“No…” Kara looks deeply into Lena’s eyes for a moment before looking back down at the painting, and then back into her eyes. “And besides… I think I was slightly off on the shade... It’s just a tinge too dark…” Kara doesn’t say anything else; she keeps staring at Lena, waiting… hoping that she understands the meaning behind her explanation. Lena opens her mouth like she is about to ask a follow up question but then stops, her mouth slightly open, as her brain suddenly realizes the meaning behind Kara’s statement and her actions in that moment.

Kara was attempting to paint the color of Lena’s eyes. “Kara…” Lena trails off, completely unsure of what she even wants to say. And it’s in that moment that Lena realizes she never actually let go of Kara’s hand when she reached for it minutes ago to comfort Kara. And that somehow over that time their hands became intertwined. As if it was the most natural thing in the world for them.

Glancing from their hands and back to Kara’s face, she sees Kara is biting the corner of her bottom lip.

Lena’s heart starts to race.

Kara smiles knowingly.

“Not fair.” They both know exactly what Lena is talking about.

“You’re right. But I’m not sure I can really help it at this point.” Kara blurts out unintentionally, her eyes going wide as she realizes what she just said out loud. Lena eyes her curiously, eyebrow raised. “Oh, do tell Ms. Danvers.”

It was Lena’s turn to smirk.

Kara blushed; smirk completely gone now. “Since coming to Earth, I have always had a habit of homing in on specific heartbeats… it helped keep me calm and not get overwhelmed from all the stimuli at first… later, it became more of a way for me to center myself… for a long time, it was Alex. I could pick her out in the city from miles away… Overtime, it became habit for me to notice the intricacies of people’s heartbeats when I met them. For most people, there was nothing special about it… and I would forget it as quickly as I learned it… But since we met… it’s been hard to forget what your heart sounds like… With you being in such close proximity… it’s hard to not pay attention to it.”

Lena, not expecting such a straightforward and honest, vulnerable answer, is left completely speechless. She knows Supergirl, Kara, has superhearing. It makes sense she would be able to hear and home in on heartbeats. And it makes sense that each would have their own unique, slight variations that she would be able to differentiate. She just didn’t realize Kara knew Lena’s own unique heartbeat.

It’s a full minute of silence after Kara’s explanation before Lena finally speaks. “Kara…” This time, it’s barely a whisper. But again, it is all Lena can really muster as a response. She looks again at their hands interlocked as they sit on the couch. This time though, she is afraid to look back up to Kara, to her piercing blue eyes. She is afraid of what she will see this time. As she stares at their hands, she begins to run her thumb across the back of Kara’s hand. Though Lena doesn’t see it, this causes Kara to glance down at their hands and half-smile.

“Lena… I know… I know the person that literally crashed into your life three months ago was a broken, shattered version of her former self… I also know that while I was there… being around you … that was the first time I genuinely felt like myself in ages… it was like I could breathe again… I felt a way I hadn’t felt in literal years.”

Kara is watching Lena carefully as she says all this, trying to gauge her reaction. Though Lena doesn’t look up at Kara, she does see a slight smile creep across Lena’s face, though it quickly disappears just before Lena finally lifts her head up and looks deeply into Kara’s eyes, searching for answers. “But then you left Kara. And… I… I understand why… The understanding didn’t make it hurt any less for me though.”

Kara’s eyes blur as they fill with tears, having to finally face the fact that she did in fact, hurt Lena by doing what she did. Kara had convinced herself that she was doing the right thing by putting the distance between them. That by leaving it wouldn’t hurt Lena. She was wrong.

“But…” Lena continues, “When you left… that gave me the chance to also work through some of my own… fears… I realized you weren’t the only one who still had some things to work through.”

“And now?” Kara asks, surprised by the turn of the conversation.

Lena smiles at Kara warmly, causing Kara’s chest to heat up. “Well, I did come all this way Kara. Do you think I would do that, just to see you play at an open mic night, if I wasn’t ready to address the big elephant in the room?” Lena says it in a half sarcastic tone, but they both know she is being serious, just using the tone to try to lighten the mood in the room.

“I had Mxy show me… the other realities…” Kara suddenly blurts out, feeling the urgency to be completely upfront and honest with Lena. “I just… I never heard from you… after I came back… but I couldn’t stop thinking about you… so I summoned him, and he showed me…”

Lena nods, like she kind of knew all along that Kara would do that eventually. Kara, thinking Lena would be mad given their previous discussion, is surprised by Lena’s lack of anger. Instead, she asks Kara, “And what did you gather from your visit with him?”

“That no matter the reality, we are connected… it just took us longer in this one to find each other.” Kara answers the question with such tenacity, such clarity. “That’s why I knew I had to invite you here, to try one more time to connect with you.”

“So why now? It’s been three months.” Lena asks in a curious tone.

Kara smiles at Lena again, happy to be sharing this part of her journey. “Well, my trip to the Southeast was quite enlightening for me… I realized there were some things I needed to finally face… to finally work on and work through… so I came home and started doing just that… I see a wonderful therapist named Lindsey every week… I attend a women’s support group for domestic violence every week as well… I’ve been working through a lot of things that for the past few years I have been running from. And I finally felt ready to see you again… to talk to you again…”

“And what did you want to talk to me about?” Lena asks, her body unconsciously leaning closer to Kara. She knows why she came all this way to see Kara. And as this conversation has progressed, she has started to let herself have hope that maybe, just maybe this isn’t just one sided.

Kara’s sapphire eyes pierce Lena’s emerald eyes, their faces less than a foot from each other. Her own heart racing, the energy in the air undeniable. Kara knows she hasn’t dated in a long time. But it isn’t just that. The way she feels right now, in this moment… it is something she never felt with William… And it is something stronger than she ever felt with Mon El. Kara never knew she could have emotional and physical reactions like this to someone. It’s almost overwhelming.

“Kara?” Lena finally asks, slight concern in her voice given Kara has been staring deeply into her eyes for the past three minutes. Lena’s voice seems to do the trick though, and bring Kara back from her thoughts, as she smiles, her eyes flickering across Lena’s face before going back to her eyes. “Yes… sorry… right… what was the question?”

Lena half-smiles at the blond, admiring her adorableness. “I asked you what you wanted to talk about with me.”

“Oh… right.” Kara suddenly drops her gaze. The magic feeling of the moment quickly being replaced by nervous panic for Kara in a split second. “I… um… I…” Lena, using her free hand, puts her fingers gentle on Kara’s chin and redirects her head, bringing her eyes back to Lena. She takes a breath, bracing herself. “Us… I wanted to talk about us.”

But, before Lena can respond, Kara’s own insecurities become a rambling mess out of her mouth. “I’m just afraid that I am being selfish… you being here… it could be putting you in danger… we could be risking someone finding out your identity… and if something happened to you… I could never forgive myself…”

“Kara,” Lena says her name, cutting the tangent off. “Me being here, is my choice. Yes, you invited me. But I am my own person. I make my own choices. I decided to come here to see you. Ok?” Kara nods. “Good. Now that we have established that we are both strong, independent women capable of making our own decisions, who clearly have strong feelings for each other… what do we do now?”

Lena puts the question out there between them. And it sits in the air, in silence between them.

“I don’t know…” Kara finally says. “But maybe, tonight, we just enjoy each other’s company after not seeing each other for three months… And figure it out tomorrow?” Kara asks in such a hopeful tone; Lena knows there is no way she could deny the beautiful blond before her. Besides, Kara is right, they can figure out the logistics tomorrow. Tonight, they can just hold each other.

“That sounds wonderfully splendid to me Darling.” Lena takes the opportunity to curl up into Kara, who sinks back into the couch, putting an arm around Lena. They spend most of the night awake, in each other’s arms, catching each other up about the last three months of their lives. It’s well past 2am when Kara finally suggests they try to get some sleep. She offers Lena some clothes to change into, which Lena accepts graciously. Kara is standing with Lena in her bedroom when she returns to a rambling, bumbling mess, as she realizes that unlike Lena, she does not have a spare bedroom.

“So… um… sleeping arrangements… yeah…”

Seeing how uneasy she is, Lena cuts her off and offers a solution. “Kara, I can go back to my hotel if that’s more comfortable.”

“No!” Kara practically yells, making Lena jump slightly. “I mean, I want you to stay here with me… I just… I don’t have a spare bedroom… So, you can take the bed… And I can take the couch.” Kara lets out a sigh, finally getting a solid plan out of her mouth.

“Kara, your bed is big enough for the both of us… if you are comfortable with that.” Lena recalls how it felt the last day Kara was with her in Mississippi, laying down together, falling asleep together. It was a peace, and a warmth Lena hadn’t felt in a very long time. And despite the hours long cuddle session on the couch they just had, she still craves that. She looks over to see Kara smiling shyly at her. Kara nods and they make their way to the bed. “Just… promise me you’ll be here in the morning this time?” Lena says it, half joking, half serious. This is Kara’s apartment, where else would she be?

As they get into the bed, Kara pulls Lena into her and whispers, “I promise.”

Despite the conversation to come tomorrow, it’s the best night’s sleep either woman has had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this story will have two more chapters left... Are there things people want to see as I wrap it up?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena spend the day together... and have lunch with Alex...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer chapter, I hope you all enjoy! :)

When Lena wakes up the next morning, the first thing she is aware of is the warmth radiating from behind her, but also around her, as Kara’s arm is still wrapped around her abdomen. She smiles to herself, taking in just how comfortable she feels enveloped in Kara’s body. Kara is slightly taller than her, so they fit quite nicely like this. Lena slowly rolls over to face Kara, who is clearly still deeply asleep. She can see how peaceful Kara looks now, much more at ease than she usually ever looks when she is awake. Lena carefully reaches up and tucks a loose strand of blond hair behind Kara’s ear, soaking up the quiet moment.

Shortly after, Lena extracts herself from Kara’s arms and heads into the kitchen to make breakfast. She is nearly done with a stack of pancakes, a pile of bacon, and a dozen eggs, when Kara finally comes out of the bedroom, attempting to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

“Good morning Darling,” Lena greets her, a half-smile on her face as she takes in this version of Kara – her hair slightly askew, her eyes half closed still, a smile on her face. Kara walks right up to Lena and gives her a hug, mumbling in her ear. “Hi. You’re the best, you know that?” After breaking away to remove the eggs from the stove, Lena, smirking, asks her “Is that so?” As Kara makes her way to the refrigerator and starts to pour them each a glass of orange juice, she has a goofy grin on her face as she responds. “I don’t remember the last time I slept that good for that long. And then I wake up to all this food. Seriously, you are too good for this world.” This statement got a laugh from Lena, though she doesn’t respond otherwise. She hands Kara a plate that has most of the food on it while she serves herself a plate with one pancake, two eggs, and two slices of bacon on it. They enjoy breakfast, apparently having agreed without saying a word to put off the discussion at hand until after food.

“Would you like to take a walk?” Kara asks as they are washing up the dishes. Lena nods in agreement. So, after they finish up the dishes, they change clothes and head out to enjoy the mid-morning sun of National City. Kara leads Lena around the city, showing Lena her favorite places as they go, eventually ending up in the park. Lena, sensing a shift in Kara’s demeanor, motions for them to sit on a nearby bench. She takes Kara’s hand in her own, earning a gracious smile from the superhero. Lena waits in silence for Kara to speak, not wanting to push. It’s a few minutes before Kara, while looking hard at the ground, finally speaks.

“You know, after everything with William… I just figured I wasn’t meant to have a significant other… that because I am one of the last Kryptonians and only one of two on planet Earth… that I was better off alone than trying to find a human partner… Especially adding in the fact that I would have to figure out _when_ to tell them that 1. I am not human but an alien and 2. Not only am I an alien but that I am Supergirl… All of that… just became such a daunting thing to me… so formidable that I didn’t see the point in even trying anymore…” Kara’s eyes glisten as she tries to hold back the tears. “For so long now I had believed that I had accepted that fate… but in reality I was just stuck… and I didn’t even realize it… everyone around me was moving on, living their lives… and I was stagnate… but now… now I realize that wasn’t me living… not really. So, I have been trying to change that… trying to figure out how to start living again…”

Lena has been listening intensely as she watches Kara, not wanting to interrupt her. While she cannot ever know what it is like to be an alien or be the last of her species, she does know loss and grief. She does know how it feels to be stuck and stagnate. She does know how it feels when you realize you want to start living your life again. She gently rubs the back of Kara’s hand with her thumb, hoping this will help keep Kara grounded as she talks, while also reminding her that she isn’t alone now.

“I can’t explain it… the way I feel when I’m around you… even watching all of those other realities with Mxy… it’s like… there’s always been this invisible string tying you to me… I just couldn’t see it, couldn’t feel it before we met… but since then, it’s like everything makes sense again.” Kara finally looks over to Lena, tears slowly falling down her face, the emotions from the past couple of years and from the confession finally bubbling over. In that moment, there is a part of Kara that is so scared that Lena is going to reject her. It’s that voice in her head that told her to run three months ago. That part of her mind that reminds her just how damaged she is from her past. It’s a voice inside her head, the one that over the past few months, she has slowly managed to get a grasp on. Three months ago, it was a bellowing, booming voice. Today, it’s a whisper. Today, Kara doesn’t run from her emotions, her strong feelings for Lena, she is able to admit them to Lena.  
  


Lena reaches up with her free hand and gently wipes away the tears from Kara’s eyes, wanting so badly in that moment to be able to take away the pain and burdens that the woman before her has carried on her back for so long. Her fingers then tenderly caress Kara’s cheek before she finds her hand cradling Kara’s face, and Kara leans into the loving touch with a soft, small smile, closing her eyes. It’s a quiet, intimate, moment between the two women.

Kara opens her eyes, still smiling, to see Lena staring intently at her, Lena’s hand still cupping her cheek. Kara leans in towards Lena, resting her forehead on Lena’s, again closing her eyes as Lena also closes her own. They sit like that, in silence for a moment before Lena speaks softly to Kara. “I’ve always had difficulty talking about my emotions Kara… I know now it has to do with the household I grew up in… how I was raised… It was something Taylor really helped me with… she was always so open and so honest about who she was, and she was just so unapologetic about it… I couldn’t afford that luxury of course… but in my new life… with Taylor I learned how to be more open with my emotions… I realized after you left that I was afraid of opening up like that again to someone new… and then losing them all over again like I did Taylor… It took some time for me to work through that fear… for me to realize that all I can do is take things one day at a time because one day at a time is all we have. It’s all everyone has when you get down to it.”

As Lena trails off, their foreheads still connected, Kara hums in response, a smile on her face at the ending sentiment from Lena. Kara then asks her, “so what now then?”

“Well, to be honest Kara, I’d really love to kiss you right now.”

Kara’s eyes open slowly, unsure if her ears are working properly just now. She sees a penetrating but loving gaze staring back at her from Lena’s green eyes. A small, hopeful smile below them. Kara, now blushing, smiles back.

She answers by connecting her lips to Lena’s.

Lena’s hand wraps around Kara’s neck, pulling her tighter as she leans into the kiss. It’s sweet and soft and electric all at the same time.

And then Kara’s phone rings.

It causes Kara to jump back slightly in surprise. Lena smiles at her, understandingly as Kara mumbles an apology and pulls her phone out of her pocket. She is silently cursing herself for not putting her phone on do not disturb before taking this walk.

“It’s Alex… I better answer.” Lena nods. “Hey Alex… Oh, right, I totally forgot about lunch today… no no, I will be there… You… what?... um… one moment.” Kara put the phone down, holding her hand over the bottom of it.

“So… um… Alex asked me if Lee… if you… would want to join us for lunch…” Kara trails off, unsure of her sister’s request, unsure of Lena’s comfort with the idea of having lunch with her sister. Lena debates Kara’s question, but then decides to leave it up to Kara. “Do you want me to join you for lunch?” Kara looks back for a few seconds in silence before putting the phone back up to her ear. “We will be there.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara leads Lena back through National City toward Noonan’s where they find Alex sitting at a table waiting on them. Upon seeing the two women enter the restaurant, Alex hops up and pulls her sister in for a hug.

“Hey sis, you remember Lee from last night?” Kara says as they break away from the hug. Alex turns to face Lena as they all sit down at the table. Alex sits on the side she had originally stood up from, while Kara and Lena sit down opposite her. “Of course, how are you Lee? Did you two have a good… talk last night?” Kara’s face goes a deep shade of red while Lena smirks at Alex’s antics. “I am doing quite well, thank you for asking Alex. And thank you for the invite to lunch. It is a great chance to see the city this weekend.”

As they pick up the menus, Alex continues to engage Lena in conversation. “So, are you only in town for the weekend then?” Kara perks up, her eyes darting from Alex to Lena, realizing she hadn’t ever asked Lena how long she had planned to stick around National City. “I do have a flight booked for tomorrow; I have classes to teach the day after.” Kara mentally kicks herself, because of course Lena has work to get back to. “Right, Kara mentioned you work as a professor at the university, as an engineer.” The conversation continues from there, Alex and Lena talking about their shared interests in science. Lena is feeling quite relieved and finds herself enjoying the discussion as lunch progresses.

Of course, then the conversation takes a bit of an awkward turn as Kara is diving into her dessert.

“So… Kara here forgot to mention that you knew her… human identity… I wasn’t aware she told you about that…” Alex finishes the sentence in a low tone. Kara goes wide-eyed as she is mid bite, realizing she forgot all about withholding that information from Alex as part of keeping Lena’s identity secret. Her eyes dart back and forth between Alex and Lena as she tries to figure out what to say, how to explain it while also protecting Lena.

Lena glances over to Kara, seeing her floundering. She turns back to Alex, regarding her carefully for a moment as she reaches over, under the table, taking Kara’s hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze to let her know it is ok.

“Would you believe me if I told you I sort of guessed it? I mean, she gave away enough hints while we were chatting after we first met, but then I put together enough clues and was able to guess it fairly easily…” Lena trails off and looks over at Kara, trying her best to give her a goofy look that she hopes Alex buys. Kara gives Lena a grateful smile for helping to cover for her. Lena chances a glance back towards Alex who is eyeing them both but doesn’t say anything else about the matter.

The conversation returns to more pleasant topics as Kara finishes her dessert. Lena insists on paying, stating that it was her way of repaying them for letting her crash their sister lunch. Afterward, Lena and Kara decide to head back to Kara’s apartment to continue their discussion from the park that morning.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So what time is your flight out tomorrow?” Kara asks as they sit down on the couch, a sudden stiffness in the air, as the realization of Lena’s departure is now eminent. Lena sighs. “It’s tomorrow evening at six.” Kara nods in acknowledgment but doesn’t say anything else. Lena regrets not telling Kara about her flight sooner, as she can tell the fact of her leaving is causing tension between them that wasn’t there before. She just isn’t sure what to say regarding it. Kara is staring at the floor, clearly lost in her own thoughts.

“Kara…?” Lena says it soft, tentatively, like she is afraid of spooking her. Kara slowly pulls herself from her own thoughts and looks up into green eyes. “Talk to me?” Lena pleads. Kara gives her a half-smile. “I’m trying to figure out how to ask you if it’s ok for me to fly to Mississippi to visit you.” Lena gives Kara a small, soft smile. “I’d love that. When do you want to come visit?” Kara smirks. “That’s not what I mean, exactly…” Lena raises an eyebrow in question and waits for Kara to explain. “I mean, the benefits of being me is I can fly myself thousands of miles very quickly… so, I could fly back and forth from Mississippi to National City whenever I want… and well… you’re in Mississippi… so I’d like to come visit… every day.” Kara finishes, her cheeks pink as she looks away and back down to the floor. She feels more vulnerable in that moment than she has felt in months.

She lets out the breath she was holding when she feels Lena’s hand intertwine with her own in her lap. She looks up to see Lena smiling widely at her. “Kara Danvers… you are welcome at my home anytime.” Kara’s smile beams in return as she pulls Lena into her, kissing her with more confidence than she had that morning at the park. The kiss is sweet but sloppy as neither woman can stop smiling. When they finally detach, Kara quickly pulls Lena back in with more purpose, pulling her on top of her as she lays back on the couch, their legs intertwining. The anxiety and uncomfortableness from before long gone, replaced with a feeling of being at peace, at home.

Their intense make out session doesn’t go further than that, neither wanting to rush things between them, and so they spend the afternoon on Kara’s couch, Lena laying on top of Kara, watching movies.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Kara and Lena ordered take out, deciding to stay in and continue to enjoy the simplicity and domesticity of each other, noting how similar it is to how they spent their first few days together in Mississippi. After dinner, they are curled up again on the couch, a movie on in the background as they talk about their childhood friends and experiences – nothing too intense, but just getting to know each other a bit more.

That is, until Kara’s door is busted open. Kara, using her superspeed, stands herself and Lena up, and immediately positions herself in front of Lena to protect her from whatever threat they are about to face. Lena, being human, barely has time to register the loud noise of the door being burst open before she finds herself being up on her feet and standing behind Kara. She is trying to not feel queasy as she tries to take in exactly who just came into the apartment as Kara takes in the figures in front of her in total and utter confusion.

Alex, Nia, and Brainy have broken into her apartment and all have weapons pointed at her… no, at Lena.

“Kara, move.” Alex commands, fully in DEO director mode. Kara doesn’t though. “What are you doing?” she demands instead. “She isn’t who you think she is Kara.” Nia jumps in. The three heroes look confused when they hear Lena chuckle and say “Darling, I think the cat is out of the bag.” Kara, still holding a defensive position in front of Lena, not wanting to risk her, looks at Alex, realizing what must have happened, says accusingly “you took a DNA sample at lunch…”. Alex doesn’t deny it. Kara grits her teeth as the five continue in their standoff.

“Kara… she is a Luthor.” Lena feels a shiver down her back at the mention of her family name. Even now, after all this time, it is still being held against her.

“I know Alex. I already know. I’ve known for months.” Kara sees Alex’s eyes go wide at the admission of another lie by omission from her sister. “Look, she is in hiding from her family. It was by some weird fate that we met. I had to protect her identity, so we didn’t risk the wrong people finding out and coming after her. That’s why I never told you or anyone else.” Nia and Brainy glance at Alex, waiting to see what they should do next. Alex stares down Kara, debating her next move, though she has yet to lower her weapon.

“Kara… I’m not going to let someone hurt you again… after William… I won’t let anyone do that again… So, I have to ask… you don’t find it the least bit suspicious that the first person you connect with after William… is Lena Luthor? That doesn’t make you question your judgment even a little bit? I mean, you were wrong about William… you could be wrong about-”

“STOP!” Kara cuts her off. “That’s enough. Please put your weapons away so we can talk about this… there is a lot to explain…” She looks back to Lena who nods, knowing that they need to tell Alex about Mxy and the alternative realities. Alex reluctantly lowers her weapon. Brainy and Nia do the same. Kara motions towards her table, where they all go to sit down, with Lena and Kara sitting down last, side by side, presenting a united front. Instinctively they find each other’s hand as they tell the story of Mxy, first about his visit to Lena in Metropolis after the trial and then of Kara’s visit with him here. She tells them about what she saw with the alternative realities, including the conversation she saw between Alex and Lena.

It’s a long conversation that takes a while and it is quite a lot for the three heroes to take in. Despite everything they have seen over the years, including Brainy who is from the future and Dreamer who can see the future, discussion of alternative realities was a lot for them. And learning that apparently in this other timeline, Alex and Lena agreed to send Mxy back in time to reset the timeline in order to keep Kara alive was a lot to take in. But they do believe Kara and by proxy Lena. All three of them have seen the changes in Kara over the past few months. They have seen her finally start to let them all back in again. And they have all collectively breathed a sigh of relief that Kara is finally being more like her old self again. In fact, Nia and Brainy have even wondered if Kara would be returning as Supergirl soon.

Eventually, Brainy and Nia excuse themselves for the evening, though Alex remains behind, clearly still wanted to talk some things out with her sister. Lena takes the hint and tells Kara she will stay the night at her hotel and excuses herself as well, though not before giving Kara a chaste kiss goodbye.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara closes the door slowly after Lena departs, taking a deep breath as she prepares for her battle with Alex. She turns around and sees Alex sitting on the couch. She walks over to her slowly and cautiously sits down. “Alex… I know you think I should have told you about Lena…” Alex puts her hands up, palms facing Kara in surrender. “Kara, I get it, I do.”

Wide-eyed in surprise, Kara asks, “You do?” Alex half-smiling responds, “Yes, I do. But that isn’t what I want to talk about actually.” Kara, looking confused, waits for Alex to continue. “Look… I’ve been wanting to talk to you about… well, I’ve been wanting to find a way to apologize to you.” Kara tilts her head sideways as she gives her sister a baffled look. “It’s just that, I guess I never realized just how bad things had gotten for you. You were always so strong, so full of hope despite everything you had endured… It wasn’t until your open mic night… until I heard the songs that you wrote that I realized I missed it… I just kept thinking you just needed time…”

“Alex…” Kara tries to cut her sister off, but Alex puts her hand up. “No, Kara, I need to say this… We were all grieving the loss of J’onn… but we were also so shocked when we discovered what happened, what William had been doing… that we… no I… I didn’t stop to think about what that really did to you. You had put all your trust in him… for years… you showed him all of you, not just Kara Danvers or just Supergirl… and he took advantage of that… And I never stopped to realize just how different that was from fighting bad guys or losing Mon El or any of the other losses you have endured… I just kept thinking ‘She will bounce back from this, just like she does everything else.’ It became a mantra to me… something that made it ok for me to go on living my own life… something that made it ok for me to ignore the signs you were sending us.”

Alex’s eyes are full of tears as she looks at her sister, full of regret, finally facing her own guilt. Kara pulls her in for a tight hug. “Hey, Alex, listen to me, I didn’t want help, ok? You did try, I remember you, Nia, Brainy, everyone coming around, trying to get me to go out, to do hero stuff, to have game nights. But I was done, I was done with it all. I was done being the hero. I was done being Kara Danvers. I was just a shell of myself for so long and I couldn’t… I wouldn’t let myself accept the help that was being offered.” Kara finally pulls back and looks deeply at Alex, finally ready to reveal something she has been carrying with her for so long “The truth is… for a long time after William, I had accepted that I would live my life alone. That that was my fate. Because trying to find a human partner, someone who understood what it meant to be an alien from a long dead planet and who was a superhero just wasn’t in the cards for me. And with that came the realization that I needed to keep my distance so that you and the others in my life could still have that - you could have your family. And you did, Alex, you have a lovely wife and two beautiful children.” Kara takes a breath as Alex smiles at the reference of her family. “And look, Alex, I purposefully pushed everyone away… I did that… I chose to do it… It took a long time for me to realize that that was the wrong thing to do…”

A moment of silence passes between the two sisters as they embrace again. Alex, taking in a deep breath, finally says, “So, how about, moving forward, we both stop feeling guilty for the past then… and focus on the present and building the kind of relationships we want to have in the future?” She gives her sister a knowing look as Kara blushes a light red as the thought of Lena enters in mind again. “You’re really ok with me and Lena?” She asks her sister, who smirks as she replies, “Yes, Kara. Now that I have all the facts and can see just how smitten you actually are.” Kara immediately goes from a light red to a deep red at being called out by her sister.

She doesn’t deny it.

Alex stands up abruptly and looks at her sister expectantly as she exclaims, “So, what are you waiting for? Go get the girl!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you all for going on this journey with me as I share this story. And thank you for all the love, kudos, and comments. <3 <3<3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara takes Lena on an official date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a playlist of songs Kara sang throughout the story (plus a couple extra that didn't make it into the story but fit the tone of the story, particularly early on - aka they are hella sad): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RgIJIaWvlct4hkTVHukdx?si=QSlf5raSTCySCVvVu3cBMg

Kara does what would quantify as pacing if she was walking, as she flies back and forth above the hotel that Lena is staying at. She is running through what exactly she wants to say, her nerves now getting the better of her. Her phone vibrating in her pocket, she pulls it out to see a text message.

_Alex: You got this, Kara. I know it’s been a long time. But you can do it. I believe in you._

Kara smiles, sending several heart emoji’s back to her sister as she descends to the balcony that she knows is Lena’s, takes a breath, and knocks. It’s a few seconds before Lena, after confirming it is Kara, slides the door open.

“Hi, may I come in?” Kara asks, still feeling nervous. Lena steps to the side, letting Kara into the room. “How did the talk with your sister go?” Lena asks as she closes the balcony door and turns to see Kara sit at the end of the bed. Lena meanders over and sits next to her. “Really well, actually,” Kara says with a smile. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad,” Lena says smiling back. Kara looks away, down at the floor as a silence falls between the two women. Kara attempts to find her words again as the silence drags on. Lena, sensing her hesitation, reaches out and puts a hand on top of Kara’s, which had been twisting and fidgeting in her lap. She looks up from the floor.

“I’m afraid I’m doing this all wrong,” Kara blurts out. Lena raises an eyebrow, questioning Kara. “Doing what wrong Kara?” She looks away again as she attempts to answer Lena’s question. “This… us… it’s just… it’s been so long… and I mean… are we getting ahead of ourselves?... I mean, I haven’t even asked you out on a proper date…”

“So, ask me,” Lena cuts Kara’s rambling off. Kara chances a glance up to see Lena smiling at her softly. She takes a slow breath in and lets it out. “Lena, would you go out on a date with me?” Lena gives her hands a squeeze. “Yes, I would love to.” Kara smiles brightly at her. “Awesome. How’s tomorrow?” Lena chuckles. “Tomorrow is great. What kind of attire shall I wear?” The two women are beaming at each other now. “Oh, business casual, for sure. I already have the entire day planned out,” Kara says, giving Lena a wink. “I’ll pick you up at 10.”

Kara stands up and takes a step towards the balcony, but finds her wrist wrapped in Lena’s hand. She looks down in confusion to see Lena still sitting on the bed. “Stay?” Lena asks, barely a whisper. Kara smiles and nods. The two make their way to the head of the bed, pulling back the covers and crawling under, resuming the same position as the previous night. Kara can feel Lena’s body physical relax in her arms, as Lena can feel Kara’s body radiating a level of warmth she is growing more and more accustomed to.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara Danvers wasn’t kidding about taking Lena Luthor on an actual, official date.

When Lena wakes up the next day, she is sad to find Kara is gone, but smiles to herself when she finds the sticky note on the pillow.

_Lena- I am prepping for our DATE! Be ready to be swept off your feet by 10! – Kara_

Lena is ready by 9:30.

Kara knocks on Lena’s hotel door this time, from the inside, and leads her to a car that has an actual driver, so they can sit in the back together. Lena has no idea how Kara procured this kind of service so quickly and on a Sunday. She first treats Lena to brunch at a place she is sure Kara can’t afford, but she insists paying for anyway. Following this, she leads Lena for a walk by the waterfront, and then to the National City Art Museum. They spend the afternoon perusing the museum to Lena’s content before Kara suggests they make the short walk to the science museum. Art and Science in one day – Lena is loving it.

She is loving it so much so, that she doesn’t want it to end, even though she is aware of the time and the growing urgency for her to go to the airport to catch her flight. As lovely as the day has been, she knows the real world is waiting for her tomorrow.

“Kara, darling. It’s about that time.” Lena says it, not bothering to hide her own disappointment about the date having to end. Kara looks at her, her eyes searching for a sign in Lena’s. “Lena… what if… what if we continued this date for a few more hours and we flew you home later… on Supergirl Airlines.” Kara finishes the last part in a whisper and a half-grin on her face. Lena doesn’t even debate her answer, she loops her arm around Kara’s and leads her on to the science museum, content on enjoying the rest of their date.

And Lena is super glad she did, because Kara had even more planned for that evening. After they left the science museum, Kara did indeed fly them, but instead of flying them straight to Mississippi, she flew them to a remote location outside of the city, where she had set up all the arrangements for the perfect candlelit dinner for two.

As Kara guides Lena to the table, Lena is awestruck. “How did you do all this?” Kara blushes, smiling sheepishly as she takes her own seat across from Lena. “It’s a secret,” she says with a wink, causing Lena to laugh. The two enjoy dinner as Kara tells Lena about Krypton and the science guild, about what it was like to adjust to having powers once she came to Earth, and about some of the mistakes she made when she first became Supergirl. Lena shares about her own past, including the vague memories she has of her biological mother, how brotherly Lex used to be when they were growing up, and how she dealt with no longer having a family after her faked death. In fact, Lena and Kara talk for hours, well into the night.

Whatever invisible barrier that had existed, that was keeping each woman from opening up completely to the other, it was gone. The insecurities about their feelings not being reciprocated – evaporated. In its place came an unspoken but clear understanding between the two women – they were in this together, moving forward, no matter what. This simple belief but that each understood as fact made everything else seem so easy, so miniscule in comparison. They could be open and honest about their past – whether it was their greatest accomplishments or their greatest defeats or their greatest embarrassments – and they knew the other person would still be there at the end of the day.

And to top it all off, Kara wasn’t wrong – Lena was swept off her feet that day.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around 1am when Kara landed down outside of Lena’s house in Mississippi, having thoroughly taken her time to make sure Lena enjoyed her flight on Supergirl Airlines.

“Here we are,” Kara says as she sets Lena down gently. “Thank you for such a wonderful date, Kara. I’m sure I will never forget it.” Kara blushes at the compliment. “Well… um… I’ll call you?” Kara says it as a question, feeling awkward now that the date is at an end. Lena chuckles as she turns to unlock her front door. “Or you can come inside and fly back tomorrow morning.” Lena can’t be sure because it is dark and she is facing away at that very moment, but she swears she can feel Kara smiling at her from behind. She turns back around as she pushes the door open. “I’d love to,” Kara finally responds, beaming at Lena.

As they make their way inside, Kara is flooded with memories of her first time staying at this house. She remembers how lost and alone she felt. She recalls how instantly drawn towards Lena she was and how terrified that made her. She smiles as she realizes just how much she has grown since then. At how she is able to not let her emotions dictate her behavior anymore. And while she still has some work to do with Lindsey, she knows she has moved mountains to get where she is at today. And how excited she is to be on this journal now with Lena.

Lena leads them to her bedroom and rummages through her closet, giving Kara a pair of sweatpants and a tank top to change into as she changes into shorts and a t-shirt. Kara makes her way to the bathroom as Lena uses the room to change, getting lost in her own thoughts for a moment. This will be the first time another person is sleeping in her bed since Taylor. Lena reflects back, realizing that the fear she used to have about how weird it would feel… was inaccurate. And maybe it would feel weird, if it had been too soon or if had been with the wrong person. But here, in this moment, she knows it is the right person and it doesn’t feel weird at all. In fact, for Lena, it feels exactly right.

Kara walks back in to find Lena standing at the end of the bed with an odd smile on her face. She walks up behind her and wraps her arms around her, breathing her in. One word comes to her mind in that moment.

_Home._

It isn’t an experience Kara has ever had before. Not with Mon-El. Certainly not with William. And while she felt comfortable with the Danvers eventually, after some adjustment; it was not something she ever felt deep in her bones. Not like this. Kara knows this is something entirely different.

Lena lays her head back, tucking into Kara, reveling in the embrace.

“Thank you for such a wonderful weekend Kara,” Lena says breathily, her eyes closed. She can feel Kara’s smile as Kara begins to gently sway them back and forth in the room. Kara breaks the hug to pull out her phone, causing Lena to open her eyes and start to pull away, but Kara quickly holds her tightly with her remaining arm. Kara turns on some soft, slow music, tossing the phone on the bed.

“Dance with me?” she asks Lena, holding out her hand. Lena smiles, her face turning a slight pink as she takes Kara’s hand. They dance around the room to the music, staring intently into each other’s eyes, smiling as they simply enjoy the moment, enjoy being in each other’s arms, enjoy the happiness filling their hearts after so many years of emptiness. There is an unspoken truth in this moment. It’s the start of something special. Something profound that they both feel that goes beyond physical attraction, beyond an emotional connection, beyond shared common interests, beyond friendship. It’s all those things and so much more. They both felt it. Kara saw it with Mxy showing her the other realities. There is an enduring connection, a bond that cannot be severed between these two women. Something that links them that perhaps cannot be understood by mere mortal beings, though they may try. They use terms like soulmates or twin flames or kindred spirits. Whatever words the humans have used to describe such a deep connection – Mxy had it right – an invisible string ties Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor together, no matter the universe, they always find each other.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lena pulls up to her familiar home and lets out a ragged sigh. What a day, between dealing with egotistical male colleagues and undergraduate students who want extensions on assignments… Lena was tired. She dragged her feet through the door and kicked off her shoes, immediately heading for the kitchen, but freezes when she sees Kara standing in the hallway, looking extremely guilty, wearing a sly grin on her face.

“Kara Darling… you aren’t supposed to be here today.”

Kara grins widely. “And you are home early… I was trying to surprise you…”

Lena walks up to Kara who has her hands behind her back. She tries to reach around to grab whatever Kara is holding, but Kara uses her superspeed to take a few steps back. “Kara Danvers, you know the rules! No superpowers unless necessarily!” Lena steps up to Kara. “Now, what do you have behind your back?”

But Kara isn’t going to cave so easily. She smirks at Lena as she says, “First off, that isn’t what you were saying last night when we were in bed.” Lena can’t help but laugh at the playfulness of Kara. “Second off, like I said, it is a surprise. Now, close your eyes.” Lena attempts to glare at Kara but fails as she can’t keep a straight face. She reluctantly closes her eyes. She feels the familiar breeze of Kara superspeeding away. “Kara…” she whispers, knowing damn well her girlfriend can hear her. But she doesn’t open her eyes. And she waits.

She feels Kara return a minute later. “Ok, put your hand out.” Lena does and she feels Kara take her hand and begin leading her through the house. Lena shakes her head and chuckles. “I mean, really, what even is the reason for the surprise…” she says under her breath as she is led through the house until they stop walking a few second later. “Ok… open your eyes.”

Lena takes a breath and opens her eyes slowly. She is awestruck at the scene in front of her. A romantic dinner scene with plumeria flowers as the center piece, also fill the room. Plumerias are her favorite flower. It is something she offhanded mentioned to Kara months ago as they took a walk through a park. She can’t believe Kara remembered. Kara, still holding her hand, leads her to the table.

“I made your favorite dishes for dinner,” Kara says, a smile beaming on her face. “And don’t worry, I practiced on Alex so I could get the recipes just right.” Lena stares at Kara in awe even more.

“Kara… Darling… why?” She finally manages to ask.

Kara laughs. “You don’t remember what today is, do you?” Lena shakes her head from side to side. “It’s the day we met.” A silence falls between the two as they look deeply into each other’s eyes. It’s been a year, a year since Supergirl met Lena Luthor, a year (almost) since she literally fell from the sky and was rescued by Lena… a year since Lena and Kara connected in this universe. Lena reaches over and intwines her hands with Kara’s. “You’re amazing. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

Kara blushes and takes a gulp of air. “Yes… about that…” Lena looks at her confused. “No! What I mean to say is… gosh I worked on this for days…” Kara clears her throat. “Lena, when we first met, I didn’t realize what I was feeling… and I actually actively ran from it because of my past… but you… you were so patient and understanding even after I did that… You gave me a chance to open up and be vulnerable again… And I can’t imagine my life without you. So, what I want to tell you… is that… I want to move here, permanently… if you’ll have me.”

Lena’s eyes go wide. “Hang on, one second Darling.” Kara looks at her confused as Lena gets up from the table and disappears into the hallway. She reappears a few moments later, some papers in her hands, which she gives to Kara, who looks at them curiously. “I didn’t want to say anything until I had an offer, but I applied for some academic jobs closer to National City…” Kara’s eyes shoot up from the papers and look at Lena expectantly. “I have had a couple interviews, but no offers yet.”

“Lena, I couldn’t ask you to move for me.” Kara says, butting in. Lena gives Kara a soft smile. “Darling, you didn’t. This was one hundred percent my idea, my decision. You have a family and friends and your own career at Catco, all in and around National City. Besides, if you ever decide you do want to wear a cape again… well, it would be best to do that there. So, given all of that… It wasn’t that hard of a decision for me.” Kara’s eyes glisten with tears at how thoughtful her girlfriend is being. “But Lena… you have a home here…” Kara gestures to the home, particularly to the area behind the home, leaving unsaid the rest of her sentiment. Lena would be leaving behind Taylor and Drew. Lena again reaches out and taking Kara’s hand in her own. “What if we keep this place as a winter home?” Lena emphasizes the word ‘we.’ “I was thinking how great it would be to celebrate the holidays here, with your sister and her family. How great it would be to have children running around this place again.” Kara beams at Lena at the thought of having her family here with them for the holidays. “That sounds wonderful Lena.” Lena smiles back at Kara. “Great. Well, then let’s wait and see how these interviews pan out.”

Lena and Kara spend the rest of dinner talking about Lena’s interviews and the potential places they could be moving to, based on where her job might take them next. Kara even starts mapping out the distance between each place and National City. As the evening progresses, their excitement continues to grow as they talk about the next phase of their life together, already confident in the relationship, foundation, and love they had built over the past year, over the past nine months especially. They know they are in for some new exciting adventures and as long as they stay by each other’s side, they can face whatever challenges come their way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final THANK YOU to all of the readers on here. I have gotten so much love from everyone with this story and I can't tell you how much that means to me. I started writing during a personally dark/difficult time in my life, and this has been one area of my life that has continued to be positive and uplifting, no matter what else is going on. So again, thank you all so much for reading, giving kudos, and leaving your thoughts, comments, and love. It means a lot to me. 
> 
> And heads up, I'm pretty sure I'll be back to this particular reality/AU in a couple months to write a Part 2 to this story. Because let's face it, I think we all want to know what happens with Lena and Kara when they move and Kara decides to start being Supergirl again. :D 
> 
> <3 <3 <3


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